Youth Letters 2000 - Present

(Through High School Age)

My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other biracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.

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Letters:

Name: Wendy M. Thompson, womynproject@gurlmail.com
Subject: WRITINGS NEEDED FOR UPCOMING ANTHOLOGY
Date: 6/18/2001

Calling all young women of color 13-30 for an upcoming anthology. Poetry, spoken word, prose, journal entries, essays, autobios, etc. welcome. Please email me for the full submission guidelines.

I need current email addresses for the following members so that I can send to them some important information:

Maria, Celeste Bell, Terel, Diana Alverez, Juliet Winters, Lucy Staples, Daisy O'Keefe, Reggie.

If you request that I not place your email address with your personal story, I will keep it only in my confidential files.

i am a 17 year old bi-racial male hmm thats was easy :-) but the hardships i have ecounterd were from black people i was never really accepted by them i was always acussed of "Acting White" beceause i did not speak like an ignorant neandrethal and i repsected others i found all my friends in white people i am very afraid that i am begining to hate blacks if there is any one out there who has this prblem or have overcome it please email me i need help thank you

I just have a few things to say. Im biracial just like the rest of you and my mom is white and dad is black. I look at being biracial is a great gift because we have been blessed with both worlds. There is really no reason to choose aside of being black or white. A true person that is biracial doesnt consider themselves as being black or white but just being biracial. Another thing if you come to think of it nobody is one pure race anymore. In years to come there will be no more black and white there will just biracial people.

I would go with any race outside of my own (Black), but I would have to mary and have children with a Black woman. To continue the race. We're slowly being extinct, check the numbers. But check this math out..

bf+bm=b child wf+wm=w child bf+wm=b child wf+bm=b child

Hello.I'm jenna, I am bi racial.I'm mixed with white black and French..I'm 17..i have a lot of white friends, but when i try to talk to black girls the black girls just act like Hmm they just act really rude. i mean i like them but they just treat me really bad and call me an "oreo" or A "half breed" i find it quite amusing that people can be so imature and just careless! I mean I'm a nice person. i am not looking to hurt anyone. then they make dumb comment's about the Music i choose to Listen to. I LOVE rock. Its just something i love to listen to.i like Linkin park Limp bizkit blink 182 pantera creed papa roach Incubus, and oh gosh the List goes on. but the black girls at my school say if i really was black i'd like rap..I think thats just DUMB to say! i mean thats just silly! and oh gosh they talk about the way i talk. i do not speak "slang" or that "ebonics" crap and they make fun of me because i choose to speak proper english". I am not Racist at all and i do not want to be racist! I have no right to be! But sometimes I tend to be racist toward black people. especially when they start talking about me..i'll call them a coon or a Nigger Poarch monkey. my gosh the list goes on! OH alos they make fun of my hair...lol..well just because they choose to Perm their hair and get it all yuckylooking and crap doesn't meani have to..i have really nice hair.its long and its straight..so why get a perm or do all of that nonsence that they choose to do. Well I've had a very bad experience with black people. and sometimes i wish i wasn't mixed with black. because some black people are Niggers! and when i say nigger i mean ignorant and uneducated!if i offened anyone by what i've said. i am sorry. but this is just the way i feel. And also. black girls are mean to me also because their boy friends like me! I do not like their boy friends their boyfriends like me! and to tell you the truth i do not date black people so they have nothing to worry about!I told t6hem that and they called me a racist white bitch, and well I replied with "kiss my ass finger my cunt and send me to the moon" then they got mad at me for saying cunt..lol.hey say white people" only say that..but to be honest with ya. they are just all a bunch of black ignorant bitches that deserve nothing more than to rot in hell with their ancestors!

I am half white and half Native American. I am not excepted by the local natives here in my home town because I am too white. I have green eyes, white skin, and light brown hair with blond and red highlights. I have hardly any NA features. There for the Lummi Natives won't except me. I am excepted by the white community however. That is only because I look white. When I tell the white people I am half NA they give me a funny look. When I tell the Natives I am NA they lmake fun of me. It really hurts to have both of your heritages make fun of you for looking "too white".How do you act white or black or anything else for that matter? I am almost sad, because I know how I have been teased and I am also 17 with a 4 year old child. He is half mexican and a quarter white and a quarter Native. He looks half white and half mexican. How have I effected his life by making him a product of a "multicultural child"? Will his childhood be as bad as mine has been? I am very proud of who I am and who my son is, every "mixed" child or adult should be proud not matter what they are.

i love my biracial heritage;i have the best for all worlds. those who are also blessed with precious gift should feel the same way because it was a blessing from God himself. sure we go through some tough times because we dont look "just" black, white, hispanic, or asian or whatever. but its ok because God did it for a reason because he wanted everyone to be different. everyone regardless of their nationality has to deal with racism sometime in their life.and most of the time we all get over it :)for people who think of themselves as being just black or just white because of society. if you look more white than black or more black than white WHO CARES!!!!!! your biracial point blank. u need to be more secure with who you are and not to worry about what ignorant people like that say or do. people are always going to be ignorant about issues like this,but its up to you to set them people like that straight. and by doing this you have to first know who you are and let others know that what they say is nothing but words to make you feel one race doesnt except you because of your biracial idenity. dont cheat yourself short and say im black or im white knowing in your heart your both. and in reality people say it doesnt and shouldnt matter what race you are and im one of the people who say its doesnt matter. but how can this be when were always reminded of our color?

Name: Krystine, FSUgirl001@aol.com
Date: 11/6/00
Subject: my appearance

Hi,I am 13. I know that since I am 13 my thoughts and feelings aren't taken as seriouly as they should. However, I have a voice and a mature opinion. I'm not mixed. My mother is black and my father is black. My grandfather was multiculteral though. Well I recieved most of my traits from my mother's side of the family, and I have very light skin. Most of my friends tell me that I look like a caucasian with a great year around tan. I really resent that because I am African American. I am thankful that I have friends who don't make such a big deal about my complexion, but when I am around new people I can always feel them wondering about my race. Also the fact that I am on adolescent and so are my peers isn't the best. I am always taunted with questions about my race, and if I am not giving a straight answer I might be called names such as Caramel child and oreo. I really don't feel like I fit in. Most of the black people say I am not black enough, or that I talk white. The white people usually accept me, but I am always asked stupid questions like can I get sunburn or can I get make up in my color. I know these things come with life, but I hope I can one day live where race isn't of any importance.

I LOVE BEING BI-RACIAL! I AM BLACK AND JAPANESE AND PROUD! I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO PAY ATTENTION TO INDIVIDUALS WHO WANT TO PUT ME DOWN FOR WHO I AM. EVERYONE HAS ISSUES ABOUT THE WAY THEY LOOK EVEN THE PEOPLE THAT ARE PUTTING YOU DOWN.SO I FIGURED THAT THESE PEOPLE HAVE INNER PROBLEMS WITH THEMSELVES AND WANT TO MAKE ME FEEL THE SAME WAY.

(Moderator's Note: Please send to me your complete email address so that I can post it.)

I suggest we have a biracial/multicultural chatroom. I am a 16 yr old biracial female who is of black & white and am looking for other people who are like me to chat with and get to know. Please get back to me.

(Moderator's Note: I would welcome any volunteers who are willing to set up and moderate a chatroom for our youth members.  If interested, contact me.)

I can't say I completely understand what it means to be mixed because I am not mixed (both my parents are black). But I do understand what it feels like to have people always ask, "Are you mixed?". I told one girl that I wasn't and she told me to stop lying. I have often been asked if I was Puerto Rican, mixed with Latino, or if my granmother or granfather is white. To me, I look completely black. I am medium brown with medium features but because of my "good hair" (what ever you want to call that) some people assume I am not all black. I mean, I know my grandmother is fifty percent black, about thirty percent white and twenty percent Indian, but she still considers herself black and so do I. Sometimes, I wonder if she's wrong for doing that because she does have Caucasion and Native American in her. She only claims it when I ask and she never talks about her nephew (my second cousin) who passes for white.

My name is Juliet and I am a Biracial American. When I found my shoes I wasn't certain if I was going to find what I was looking for. I was looking to find a group that understood my feelings. A group that knew what is was like to feel differentiated from everyone else simply on the basis of color. Since writing my first paragraph for youths to read on my shoes, I have come to realize something unique and beautiful about my self. I realized that though there are some who won't accept me, for every one, there is someone who sees me no differently than I see my self, there is one who knows how I feel, and there is one who will help me heal all the hurt others have caused. I urge all biracial individuals to join my shoes, because every now and then when I check back in, I see a whole world of people who are just as unique, and just as beautiful as I. I see a world where no matter what your race or creed, you too can get stuck in a lonely abyss. I see a world where diversity and acceptance are the way to a peaceful existence.

ever since tiger woods said that he was cablinasian(?), i've heard this from black people, never mind i speak ebonics. i am a eurafrindino (my word). white people think i'm the answer to all questions about blackness or being american indian or being latino. black people think i can just lie and say that i'm exclusively black. latinos think that i'm a coconut (brown on the outside, white on the inside). american indians--too small of a number to know.

if anything, i'm escaping my whiteness. i mean, i have so few country music cds in my collection, and most of those were gifts for my birthday. and anyone who can prove that i'm escaping my blackness gets a free dashiki.

i don't think i have any preferences. i mean, there are good people in all colors, right? there are total buttholes in all colors, too. i can't stand bigots though. of course, they can't stand me, you know, that whole, being mixed thing and all.

I am a 15 year old male who lives in Connecticut, of Armenian and West Indian descent. I have always identified myself as Armenian, which is a country in the middle east. When I'm around whites, they usually don't know the difference because my complexion looks fairly middle eastern. I'm darker than most (not all) Armenians, so when I'm around them they know I'm not fully Armenian.

I'm sure my problem comes from teen angst, but that does not make the pain go away. I live in fear of being discovered that I am half black. I've gone as far to lie to a friend, telling them that my mother was just a "friend of the family". I'm considered white by nearly everyone, and they've known me as white forever. People have said (jokingly) that I'm the whitest person in town.

Perhaps that is where the pain comes from. I feel somewhat accepted as white, and therefore continue to live that lie. I keep my hair short as so it doesn't get curly. I avoid all contact with my mother's side. When I go out with my mother or her family, I'll pretend to be with another party, or to not know her. Only a very small portion of my friends know about my racial background, and they're pretty cool of it. I live in a pretty diverse area, but I still feel like the odd man out. I feel awkard all the time.

My fear of being discovered has changed my life. This morning I had a dream in which I was socializing with a bunch of female friends, making them smile, and I was happy. I introduced my father to them. But when my mother came, I blushed and hurried off, saying "I had to go".

This dream is not much different from my actual reality. I don't like being half black. I don't like to look at myself, or the color of my skin.

My family has no idea what is going on in my mind. They think I'm fairly mentally healthy, and have no problem with my racial identity. That's not true, and I'd love to tell them the truth so I could get psychiatric help, but I would break their hearts. As many times as I've wanted to say it, I can't. They've been married 28 years and have never had regrets over having children. I fear that if they find out that I'm having issues, they'd regret bringing me into the world.

I think I've projected my hate of myself towards others. I'm a racist. I don't know how many times I've told my self that I hate black people. Do you know how much that hurts your own self esteem? I've even gone so far to want to call my mother the n'word, or ask my Dad why he didn't marry within his race. I guess these are just cries for help, but I don't want to break their hearts. I know that my issues can probably be addressed with either time or a psychologist, but it hurts too much to wait and I obviously would have to go through my parents to get professional help.

Please, help me

I AM A 15 YEAR OLD AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE, AND I PERSONALLY DON'T AGREE WITH INTERRACIAL DATING. IT'S A SLAP IN THE FACE TO ME WHEN I SEE A BLACK MAN STRIDE INTO A ROOM WITH HIS PRIZED WHITE WOMAN HANGING ON HIS ARM. IT'S AS IF THEY FEEL THAT OUR FULL LIPS, WIDE HIPS, BIG BUTTS AND KINKY HAIR ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM ANY MORE. NO ONE CAN APPRECIATE THAT LIKE A BLACK MAN CAN.SOCIETY HAS MADE WHITE WOMEN THE ROLEMODELS, THEY MAKE SO THAT TO BE PRETTY YOU HAVE TO BE SKINNY AS A POLE AND HAVE A PETITE BEHIND, YOUR HAIR HAS TO BE LONG AND SILKY AND YOU SHOULD BE LIGHT SKINNED IF YOUR NOT AT LEAST WHITE.BLACK MEN FEEL THIS WAY, WHEN YOU SEE VIDEOS OR COMMERCIALS ON TV YOU NEVER SEE COMPLETELY BLACK WOMEN, THEY ARE MIXED WITH LONG HAIR AND BRIGHT SKIN THEY LOOK WHITE.IT SEEMS THAT NO ONE WANTS TO BE WITH REGULAR BLACK WOMEN ANYMORE,SO WHEN YOU SEE WHITE WOMEN ALL HUGGED UP ON A BLACK MAN IT HURTS US BECAUSE IT REMINDS US OF THE STANDARDS WE HAVE TO LIVE UP TO, TO BE ACCEPTED BY OTHERS AS A BLACK FEMALE, IT MAKES US MAD TO SEE A BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN ALONE AND SEE A HUGE MANLY WHITE WOMAN IN THE ARMS OF SOMEONE WHO COULD OF BEEN THEIRS,I DON'T MEAN THAT WHITE WOMEN ARE UGLY, I'M SAYING FOR EXAMPLE IF I WENT TO A RESTAURANT AND SAW A BLACK MAN LOKKING FOR A MATE AND THE WHITE WOMAN LOOKS LIKE CRAP BUT HE PASSES THE BLACK BEAUTY NEXT TO HER JUST BECAUSE SHE IS WHITE.THIS IS REALITY THESE THINGS HAPPEN, IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME TO FRIENDS OF MINE ALSO AND IT HAPPENS OFTEN SO WE GATHER A KIND OF HATRED WHEN IT COMES TO INTTERACIAL DATING. WE FEEL UNWANTED.

ok hi im michelle i live in MA, now to tell you the truth i am not biracial but i respect anyone that is. in fact i have friends and family that are biracial and they are the coolest people i know. for all you who are in the youth support group i would just like to say that i am in it and i am here if anyone needs to chat about problems i understand everything. i joined your support group because my friend Nicole is biracial and i care for here and im always there for her needs. so im proud to say i am in your youth group .. i am not joking im am totaly serious.

thank you

Hello we must say we have been pretty supportive of your group we are actually in 2 bi-racial support groups and we have loved being in them ..we just joined today because we got on the bi-racial subject and began discussing it "in a good way" so we wanted to support you so thats why we are here..i would just like to say to all you guys out there who are having a tough time .. i know how you feel. im not really biracial but i am a minority. i understand what you are going through and think that you should just keep on being who you are!

Hi this is a cool web site! I am a multiracial female and I am 13 years old. See many people do not think multiracial and bi-racial are two different races but they are. Multiracial is a lot of races(Multi)but is Bi-racial is two races only. But anyways recently when me and my mom went walking it was this group of kids and I had just walked up with my seven year old and he talks really loud and he said, " This is Jessica" really loud! and this girl about 10 said she looks like she is white and that really hurt my feelings! But thier is an great advandge of looking white I look like an litno. If you wont to pen pal with me...

Well I find that I would never want to be anything else! Me I am happy with both and I am happy with the skinn complection that I am. My father is African American, and my mother is half German and half Spanish.So I am a pritty good mixture. My skinn complection is what black peopel would call Red skinned or a Caramel complection.See for me it is hader to identify my self as white because my color is more directed towards black.Better to explain my color ( Left EYE from TLC, or the twins from Sista - Sista ).My hair is Like Mya's I also keep it straight and curly. But anyways I did have allot of problemscoping with who I am. I used to live in Germany for 3 years, people or mainly kids would discriminate me for my skinn color, being darker then the others. I really had some hard times living there, so my family moved back. But now I am 16 so when I go back, they more or less admire me!Upu untill a little while ago, my black community of friends sometimes made jokes like calling me white or cracker and say " well yall whit people, or us black people". That used to make me mad thhat they would not include me in as one of them.They stopped doing that because it made me mad, But some times thay still do it to get me mad. But all is cool I live each day knowing I am apart of three great cultures African, spanish and white.

Well I am biracial White/ Black I am 16 years old. My mother is half German and half Spanish, and my father is African-American.For me it wa sreal hard growing up and traing to identify my self for who I am. I did not grow up with my father so all the black culture was gone.My mother was a whitey but Hhow do you say? She was the kind just like A black mother. I moved to germany for a while and this wa svery devastaing to me . The kids there were not used to a brown girl so they would call me naes and say stuff like go back to africa. Me as a young child I did not understand, I was like I am from america not africa. Well I had allot of problems there so my mother moved me back to the states. See me when people ask me what I am black or white, I am like both or I say I am my self. But it used to be like who do I hang with? The white or the black.I was to light for the blacks and to gark for the white. So I was really confused. But now since I am older People see me diferently! I look just as If I am black as in my african heritage behaviors and my looks, I am what Nlack peopel call " red skinned" I am like a caramel comlection. But now since i have met my father things are going different. I feal as if I am black white and smanish. so I am very happy I would never be ashamed of anything. Ilook all of them some times people don't know what i am but I don't care because I know that only god can judge me! well any of yall can write me at kiaraspride @ aol.com

I myself have a very complicated heritage. I am a 9th generation South African, and my background consists of: Tanzanian, Dutch. Indonesian, Malaysian and Indian (sub-continent). I'm turning 15 next month and have been living in Australia since I was 4. As I live in an extremely multi-cultural society, I'm pretty much accepted. If one looked at me and tried to classify me as anything, it would probably me Native American and although I'm proud to look the way I do, I sometimes find it disheartening that I don't look like any of the people from the cultures in my background. I suppose I kinda of look eaurasian, and some people say that they can tell I have every culture in me by looking at me...but I don't see that myself. I found it hard to classify myself as anything at first, even thoughin South Africa I'd fit into the "coloured" group. I now know myself as "afro-eurasian" and I'm proud of it! Being classified as anything isn't that important, but sometimes I just got sick of having to say "well, this is how it goes...." when someone asked me what nationality I was. I'd really like to get in touch with some other multi-racial, or bi-racial people and share experiences, so please email me if you get the chance.

My name is Sarah Wallace and I am conducting a research project for an independent study about the biracial experience of adolescents. I am a senior Psychology major at Fisk University (in Nashville, TN) and am being advised by Dr. Sheila Peters. I am requesting at least 40 African- American/Caucasian Biracial adolescents, between the ages of 15-19, to answer approximately thirty questions pertaining to race, self-esteem, and experiences growing up. If you are interested in participating in this research that would take up to 15 minutes of your time, please email me at Sarahwallace@hotmail.com. This is a confidential study. If you have any questions, please feel free to email Dr. Peters (speters@dubois.fisk.edu) or myself. Thanks.

Name: Rene Casey, broadwaybabygrl@hotmail.com
Subject: research paper
Date: 3/7/00

I am a biracial teenager and let me tell you all that i truly understand everybody. It has been a struggle everyday to understand where i fit in. The white girls would call me mufasa because of my thick hair and the black girls would not want to talk to me because i talk to white. I have recently picked up the research topic in english about how the face of America will look in 50 years and i know that America will be "all mixed up". If anybody can help me find information about biracial people in general and statistics or cases or anything please help me. I have gone to AMEAs website and found a plethora of info. but I would like more. Once Again, I feel all of you who have gone through hell in your life about identity problems. And hey, what is the deal with no biracial box on applications (we should not have to chose,put other and human, confuse those people if they want to act stupid with us). Thanks guys and peace out

Name: Cristina McKeown, REDHOTRYDER81@HOTMAIL.COM
Subject: What do I do?
Date: 2/29/00

I'm an 18 year old female of Mexican/African American/Scottish/Native American heritage. Although I am very fairskinned, I have mostly identified with the African-American community. All of my life I have felt very out of place. When I came to college, I realized that I was not alone. Recently I have had a yearning to embrace my father's ethnic heritage which is Mexican-American. However, I have never had the pleasure of meeting him. Therefoere I have always felt that I will not be welcomed into that community. Since I've been at school, and met many Hispanics, they seem to be very friendly towards me. But a few find it very strange that while my father is fully Mexican, I do not speak Spanish. I just feel very weird about the whole situation. My mother, also mixed, identifies with African-Americans as well. So would I be betraying and that whole side of my family if I were to try to embrace my Hispanic heritage?

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