Juanita
Brooks
Hi, I'm Juanita. I began this support group as a result of recognizing my own need to meet and talk to others like myself, a biracial person with a white appearance. Prior to the beginning of this web site I had never met another individual with this particular composition, although I realize that we are not easily identifiable. Since the establishment of My Shoes I have met many individuals with this ethnic heritage. There have even been a few individuals close to my age with similar experiences, from civil rights marches in the mid sixties to multiracial rallies and conferences in the late nineties.
Since 1986 I have found a home in the multiracial community. I now feel that my self concept is congruent with what I see in the mirror and what I feel in my soul. I no longer believe that I must choose one side of the color line. For me, to feel whole means to celebrate both sides. My lifelong search for a racial identity has been accomplished, and it feels wonderful. My struggle for full acceptance by either group is no longer an issue. I am at peace!
On April 1, 2001 I finally came out of the closet, a closet in which society had placed me. On that day the local newspaper published a front page story, in which I was featured, entitled "Census expands race choices." For the first time in my life I was able to disclose to the community in which I live that I am racially more than what I appear to be.
The response from the white community was typically, "GREAT picture, interesting story" or "I didn't know that about you." There was one racially motivated obscene phone call. And there was one response from the black community from a former client who said, "I can't believe that I didn't know one of my own."
I was born in 1947 and believe that I have done well in my life by being proactive. I came from a working class family who advocated education as a means of improving one's station in life. I suppose that I embraced this concept in its extreme since I acquired my undergraduate and 3 graduate degrees by age 35, including my doctorate in clinical psychology.
While I was pursuing graduate work I taught K-12 and trained graduate students as well as supervised teachers, counselors, and school administrators. After my doctorate in 1982 I continued teaching graduate students and opened a private practice in psychology. 99.9% of the people who request my services are from white, middle and upper middle socio-economic environments. This group comprises 86% of Brevard County's population of approximately 275,000 people.
I live in Melbourne Beach, approximately 30 miles south of the Kennedy Space Center in east central Florida. From my home I can see the shuttle and rockets ascend into the sky. I especially like living here because of the clean, deserted beaches and because of the low crime rate.
Although I find myself drawn to the multicultural aspects of big city life with its enormous assortment of activities, I have chosen a simpler, safer existence. The primary disadvantage of this choice is the lack of opportunity to experience diversity in my professional and social surroundings, which I miss tremendously. I grew up in Queens, New York and moved to south Florida at age 22 where I remained for 9 years. Both locations have a variety of ethnic groups which are just beginning to become visible in Melbourne.
My parents surrounded themselves with interracial and African American couples, however, there was only one biracial child who was close to my age. The children in my neighborhood were primarily African American and I had few close friends. Although accepted by the black community, I felt "different" most of my life. I never felt like I fully fit into either the black or white communities. My oldest brother and I are the only members of my family of origin who are still alive today. He has been living in Europe for the past 11 years and is not likely to return to the United States. Since my father was an only child and my mother's family rejected her when she married my father in 1943, I no longer have family support.
I chose to marry a wonderful man in 1987 who happens to be white. He wants me to be happy and is a vital part of my life. Although he is sensitive and very supportive, my husband is unable to fully understand the void that I feel about my lack of an ongoing connection with the black part of my heritage. But then, is there anyone who can truly understand the essence of my life without walking in My Shoes...?