Adult Letters
October through December, 1997
My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.
Adult Letters
October through December, 1997
My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.
This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!
To send your questions or comments press 
Letters:.
Name: Marcus E Barton, bart234@hotmail.com
Subject: Passing for white
Date: 12/30/97
I am a black male & I just want to point out a few things. It is far more likely that the topics will be black/white issue orientated. Not to exclude other persons of mixed heritage, but when it comes to a black/white issue in america everyone freezes. This has been a part of our country since slavery started. Only in the U.S. does it seem to be so profound. When you think of the evils that have befallen the African races in this country. There is yet so much anger & hatred, & negativety put on blacks in this country that some persons of mixed black/white race refuse to identify with being black. On the television we see it daily. In magazines, & movues. In our schools. Black is considered bad. As a person who comes from a very racially diverse family, I've seen first hand the affect being light can have on people of mixed race.
It's so sad that some people denounce one race over the other because society has created a repugnant generation of people that still believe in order to make it in life you have to be white! Why would a black person passing for white want to be white? I saw a woman in a restaurant with her children & grandchildren. Although she had fair skin, straight hair & thin lips, there was undeniably the appearance of blackness in her blood. It showed in suttleties that were clear to any black that payed attention. At her age I figured that she was one of the ones who could pass for white & over the years kept quite about it. I felt compelled to ask her of her past & what it meant to have to endure that secret for so long? The desicions that she felt she had to make in order to survive. Thank God that today people are not so much forced to decide as in the past. I feel that it's more of a choice for the person who chooses more to identify with being white, because they really don't want to be acknowledged as being black! For persons who are not mixed black & white, the pressure isn't so great to choose within this country. Other races are more readily accepted than blacks anyway.
I went to elementery school with a fellow who was my best friend. He was clearly not white. He had brown tightly curled hair, brown eyes, thick lips & a semi-flat nose. As a child I was very curious as to why he looked so much like me, but his siblings & mother were white. No one ever told him that he was black, & you can imagine the embarrasment I felt at asking him one day & he screamed at me no that he was white. I was very confused at this reaction, not knowing the way he was treated by other members of his family for being the black child in an all white house hold. I've not seen Eddie in 19 years, but I often wonder what became of him & his life as he grew up & if he ever began to wonder why he was alot different than the people in his home. Why did he cater to me & other blacks in school & play? Why did Eddie identify with me? Is there something inner that draws a person to find out what they really are deep down inside? If so I pray that everyone is comfortablw with the decisions they make in choosing to side with one or the other, or to be considered other. I hope that my friend found himself if he ever encountered problems as he began to mature & search for answeres denied him as a child! Ultimately, I feel that regardless of your mix of black & white, being able to pass for white is a privelege to some & a curse to others. Being caught in between is not a good feeling. God Bless
Name: Amanda, email address not given
Subject: Why the "white appearance" qualifier?
Date: 12/21/97
Hello, I am a 23 yr old biracial psycholgy grad student. I was very excited to come across this page until I saw the tag that this forum is only for biracials of a more European appearance. Reading your discussions and letters, I share many of the same experiences and feelings as a lot of you, but I cannot "pass for White". With my honey skin and super-curly hair that I wear natural, I am always seen as a person of color. However, I do not see the reason for dividing ourselves (biracials) on these hair type/skin color lines. I, too, have been stared at by Black women angry that I had "stolen" a brother, because they recognize me as biracial and know that Black men go for light-skinned girls the way Whites go for blondes. I have the same emotions and experiences in relationships (every relationship is interracial for us), worries for my (future) children, and the negative
(Moderator's Note: "White appearance" refers to both physical and behavioral appearances. Anyone who identifies with our issues is welcome to participate in this support group.)
Name: A.D. Powell, powell@danenet.wicip.org
Subject: Kelly Murphy's story
Date: 12/18/97
Kelly Murphy's family may have discovered that they are of multiracial ancestry, but that does NOT make them "black." When Murphy and her family members claim that they have discovered that their grandfather was "black" and that they are therefore "black," they are effectively endorsing the "one drop" myth of hypodescent. They are communicating to others the racist idea that racial mixture adds to or "improves" the "black" race and "destroys" or "degrades" the "white" race.
Is Murphy aware of the fact that "Negro blood" exists in the average Latino or Arab-American? This is no secret, but most people politely refrain from mentioning it in public. No one forces them to be "black."
Murphy and her family would do a great service if they stopped describing themselves as "black" and denounced the myth that a true "white" is racially "pure."
Name: Christine Charity, ccharity@ccharity.com
Subject: Kelly Murphy's Story
Date: 12/12/97
Hi, I featured Kelly Murphy's Story on my genealogy website this week and recieved an e-mail from someone who would like to me to forward it to Ms. Murphy. If Ms. Murphy reads this, please contact me so that the e-mail can be forwarded. Christine Charity Christine's Genealogy Website http://ccharity.com
Name: Bargery Williams, 214-6700@mcimail.com
Subject: Does the Multiracial Category Solve Anything for America?
Date: 12/11/97
I am glad I found out about this forum. I think its very useful and valuable for mixed-race americans whose appearance can't be easily assigned to the white or black categories. However, I'd like to offer the following observations about the topic of being able to identify oneself as mixed or biracial.
I am a dark-skinned american with no hint of european heritage. I look as african as some people I see on CNN reports from africa. Yet my heritage includes african, white european (can I drop white?), native american, and very likely creole. I'm at least six-generation american. The point is I am very much mixed race or multiracial although like many whites of mixed heritage in this group, one couldn't guess it to look at me.
Another interesting thing, most persons easily classified as black americans are in fact mixed with white americans dating back to the sexual exploitation of black american women that occurred throughout the slavery and Jim Crow eras. Many of us obvious blacks are well aware that we have whites among our forebears but we can't find the specifics about our white relatives because for so many years it was anathema for whites or anyone who could "pass" for white to acknowledge any black kinship or lineage.
For example, debate still rages, at least among many americans who consider themselves white, as to whether Thomas Jefferson fathered children by his black slave. However, one thing is clear, Sally Hennings' children were fathered by someone who was not black if it was not the esteemed Mr. Jefferson. So even in this famous instance, the identity of the "white" relatives of Ms. Hennings children can't be definitively established. Yet her living descendants who clearly look "black" are undeniably mixed.
Moreover, the vast majority of the interacial blacks from these era's married blacks, so the intermixture has been pretty widely dispersed among "african americans". This is before trying to take into account native american/black unions. My point is really that the push to establish a "mixed-race" category does not solve any problems. Nearly every black person who is at least a third generation american will be entitled to check the mixed box.
What will we have accomplished? There will then be whites (the pure ones? the pedigreed ones?) and mixed race (everybody else perhaps!) So I doubt that creating an ostensibly new category solves anything. Many are pushing the point that we should all consider ourselves american and nothing else. This rubs many blacks (including me) the wrong way because we feel the ones who initially imposed the problems of not being white on us are now lecturing blacks not to think of ourselves as black but simply as american.
Blacks have known we are americans all along - we fight to be fully respected as such (oftentimes in not very constructive ways). The wounds and scars that all americans bear are so deep and numerous where race is concerned, I doubt that any "solution" is possible. My feeling is that the privilege and status that I think we all associate with being "white" has to somehow dissipate before america can reach a point where being mixed or black or whatever won't create the problems endured by members of your discussion group.
BGW
Name: brandi faux, bfaux@iastate.edu
Subject: white people of color
Date: 12/9/97
To Kelly Murphy: there is no such thing as "American". The only true americans are the indians. don't you want to learn about your background? you say you are american, well you are part african american. this means your ancestors came from africa not america. you say we need to spend time thinking about the fact that we are americans. i think we need to concentrate on learning about our heritage so we can find our own identities. if we had done this in the first place, we wouldn't have such a problem with being multi-racial.
to jerry redmond: you need to concentrate more on learning about your heritage the black as well as the white instead of bitching about being of mixed race.
Name: AMY, AMYT@MESSAGETECH.COM
Subject: RACIAL IDENITY
Date: 11/25/97
I HAVE 2 CHILDREN WHO ARE INTERACIAL. MY HUSBAND AND I STRESS TO THEM THAT THEY ARE OF BOTH RACES.WE TRY NOT TO MAKE THEM SEE COLOR, BUT TO SEE THEMSELVES AS THE SAME AS ANYONE ELES. I DO HOPE THAT ON FORMS THE OPTION OF INTERACIAL BECOMES AN OPTION. ANYONE WHO HAS ANY INFORMATION I WOULD ENJOY THE EMAIL, AS I LIKE TO LEARN THINGS GOING ON WITH THIS TOPIC. THANKS
Name: Sandy Gil, email address not given
Subject: JUST ME!!
Date: 11/22/97
This is in responce to Jill (Nov, 4). I like you am 1/4 black, And have alot of problems finding people that can understand what it is like to be part black and not really look like I am. My mom is half black/half white, So she looks at least part black. I have dark brown hair and light brown eye's, Most people think that I am latino, It does not really bother me that people think I'm latino, I am just happy that they can tell that I'm not white. I have one brother and one sister that blue/green eye's. I think that your child is lucky to not have a just one look, He is lucky to be differant from eveyone else, I have learned to be happy with not being what eveyone think's I am, The look on there face when they find out what I am is funny, It make's them look very dumb.
Name: Geoff K, gak@frontiernet.net
Subject: Being biracial
Date: 11/18/97
As a bi-racial male growing up in the inner city I had many problems fitting in; from the way I looked to the way I talked. I found it easier to classify myself as black but was very confused for many years.I thought I had it all figured out and knew how to handle anythning being biracial could throw at me until my daughter was born.Now all the confusion and fear is back.I find myself thinking of how I can raise my daughter using my experiences to guide me so she can avoid some of the problems and pain I faced.Unfortunately I think society forces one to choose either black or white.I dont believe you can have the best of both worlds as people commonly say.I only pray that god can my daughter and I the strength and guidance to get through. Peace and Love
Name: Jerry Redmond, Reddmond@earthlink.net
Subject: Hello again....
Date: 11/18/97
Dr. Brooks, I just wanted to say hello again. It's been a while since I logged on, and I thought I would take this opportunity to say hello, and that I am back online. I hope there is still opportunity to participate.
Thanks for being here!
Jerry Redmond
(Moderator's Note: You will always be welcome to participate in the support group. I look forward to your comments.)
Name: Nikovia Ramfjord, gsi05808@gsaix2.cc.gasou.edu
Subject: biracial experiences
Date: 11/16/97
I am doing research for a book for biracial children. I would like info. on childhood experiences, and when you realized that your family was "normal" like any other family in America. What brought you to that realization (i.e. things your family did that most other families do). This is interesting to me because at my local library what little books they have for/about biracial children are in the section for troubled kids (ie. children of alchoholics, divorce, etc).
Please e-mail me with responses.
Name: Dindria Cozette Hinez Grochowicz, dindria@aol.com
Date: 11-11-97
Subject: bi/multiracial culture
Hello. I would like to request any anecdotes, dialogue, stories, or sources concerning biracial and multiracial culture. I have just begun my discovery of connections and support groups relating to my identity as a multiracial person. So far, I have found very little about the unique culture of biracial and multiracial people. I did find a comic called AR-Mann, or something close to that. Spawn could be considered a racial comic. Many sites and magazines seem to minimize the need for non-factual input. Is bi/multiracial culture merely based on a composite of all the "actual" races, or do we have something new to offer? Cultures need history and fantasy (aka possible futures). Please give me some feedback, maybe I'm reaching in the dark
Name: Dindria Cozette Hinez Grochowicz, dindria@aol.com
Date: 11-11-97
Subject: the culture of "passing"
Hello. I am very excited to see a web site for young adults to discuss racial issues. What surprised me was the title for this group, I will paraphrase: "A support group for biracial individuals who have no telling features." I have to admit that this is a flip side to the way I tackled my mixed heritage. But, I also have to admit that I may most often be seen as a light-skinned "black", as opposed to my sister, a blond grey-eyed girl, who is often seen as "exotic". I want to introduce to you a term I ran across in my undergraduate years, PASSING. This concept is usually used in a spiteful way by some short-sighted blacks, but it may help give some context to the issues you have included here. I also recommend to books "The Sweeter the Juice" by Shirley Temple Haislip, about a woman who uncovers her family lines and illustrates the culture of passing vs. choosing not to pass; and, "Race Mixed Race" by Naomi Zack, about the non-existence of race. I encourage you to seek out who you are, to base it on your experiences more than others'. And beware of your own prejudice, because it leads to self-hatred.
Name: Tina Maltese, maltese@uiuc.edu
Subject: Looking for an interviewer
Date: 11/11/97
Hi!
My name is Tina Maltese. I am a graduate student at the University of Illinois and attempting to work on a project. I am interested in interviewing a biracial (black/white) child (preferably someone over 16 years old). I'm not sure if this is appropriate to ask on this web page, but this is the first place that I've found that I could try to contact someone.
I am looking for a biracial child that would be interested in being involved in a 10-15 minute interview that would surround around the issue of being biracial and the issues that it has brought up for you. Anyone's help would be greatly appreciated. Please contact me via email if you are at all interested or would like more information!
Thank you!
Tina Maltese, University of Illinois, maltese@uiuc.edu
Name: Michele, x96riggs@wmich.edu
Date: 11/10/97
Subject: Biracial Children experiences and Interracial Dating
I am writing a research paper on biracial children growing up in America and would like some personal experiences of what types of problems or hardships that others have experienced. I also have a nephew who is biracial and I would like to better understand the feelings he may have in the future. I am also very interested in interracial dating because I am also very attracted to Black men as well. One thing I am especially interested in is the reasoning behind people being opposed to this type of racial-mixing, especially with Black women being opposed to Black men dating Whtie women. I recently was told to leave from a "Black" party because I was white and it was rather upsetting. I just don't understand what the problem is.
Name: Patrice, email not given
Subject: Identity
Date: 11/10/97
I am a mother who is of multiracial heritage with a child (whose father is Irish), who is racially white. My daughter is one, and has no idea of the way people percieve her or me, thinking that I am her babysitter. I had to make the decision of how I was going to raise her. She is unmistakenly white, strawberry blond straight hair, dark blue eyes, white skin and features. Because I feel more mixed than anything else, and identify more with the white side, I have no problem raising her to be white. My daughters father is not in the picture, although he does want her to know her Irish side, which I make sure she does. The problem comes when my mother, herself mixed who married a white man, gets among blacks, and while holding my child in her arms, talks against people who marry outside of their race, and then talks against white people. I have just sat in shock, since when my daughter was born, I asked my family not to speak against white people. My mother thinks that my daughter will darken up and is secretly hoping she will. She tries to feed her black food,( or southern food ), and says,"Don't be surprised if she likes southern food. Don't be surprised if she marries a black man. I'm trying to tell you, she'll darken up, you did!" I don't know what I'll teach her about her heritage. I figure it'll be easier for her to be white, than for her to claim to be black, no one would believe that. But, my mother stands in my way, whether she's trying to or not.
Name: Anonymous, email not given
Date: 11-9-97
Subject: not looking black
My father is black and my mother Irish, however I don't look like any race at all. One of my brothers looks totally white, the other looks a little bit black, but I get mistaken for hispanic, asian, italian, native-american, everything but what I really am. I get asked on a daily basis "where are you from ?", "what's your ethnic background?". And when I tell people my father is black, people don't believe me and insist I have to be asian or latino. I also have a lot of instances of people approaching and talking in spanish because they think I'm spanish too. I have an olive complexion with black, naturally curly hair (not kinky though). When I was younger I went to a very diverse school where all different races hung out together and I loved being mixed. However, now that I'm in college, it seems like everyone is so segregated and it sucks.
Name: Jennifer Ventura, jventura@mail.smith.edu
Subject: "other" biracial individuals
Date: 11/7/97
I am a biracial Puerto-Rican-French woman and I have issues with biracialism and the way that American perceive us. Because, I couldn pass, and I don't I am not undestood by many. Overall, I find there to a lack of concern for individuals, who are not black-biracial, Where is there research, discussion, about the other biracial individual. I feel that this separation, and segration of us other really needs to be addressed.
Name: Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com
Subject: Help
Date: November 5, 1997
I need to contact the following members. Please let me know your new email address which will not be given to the public if you so desire.
007, Donovan Lord, Kelly Murphy
Name: Jill, KJH1N1@aol.com
Subject: My Shoes
Date: November 04, 1997
Thank you so much for having this site. I never imagined there were others sharing my experience. Last week I posted a note about being bi-racial ( actually a !/4black) and looking white. Someone emailed me with your site's address. When I saw your picture, honestly, I almost cried. At that moment I knew that there are other people in my situation. I have two biological sisters (many more step-siblings) but this is something that is not discussed. My own step-sister (who is bi-racial and adopted) didn't know that we were 1/4 Jamaican. My family (in my opinion) prefers not to discuss our Jamaican heritage.
I live a good life but the race issue continues to be a struggle. Simply knowing that there are others in "my shoes" makes this whole thing a lot easier.
Once again, thank you (and your husband) for taking the time needed for this site.
Jill
Name: Chandlern Evans, ChandlerEv@aol.com
Subject: Personal Story
Date: 11/4/97
This is the first time I feel it redundant to tell my story. You already seem to know it. You already live it. At this time I would just like to say hello and express how nice it is to find you guys. I will update my personal story soon. Another time when i don't have the peering, intrusive eyes of my co-workers looking over my shoulder. (They don't know my little secret and I haven't felt like exposing myself to a whole bunch of white folks who wouldn't understand anyways.) I will be back. I can't wait to tell my brother about this site.
Name: Kandi, lindley@mcn.com
Subject: affirmative action
Date: 10/31/97
I think that affirmative action was created with a good intention. Mainly to overcome our differences. BUT instead of overcoming differences it over-emphasizes them.
Name: Trisha Suggs, trish@eng.uft.edu
Subject: New Location
Date: October 29, 1997
Hi!!! This is Trisha Suggs. I am now at the University of Florida. Go Gators. I moved down here in June and so far I really love it. I had some major professor problems which has slowed up my dissertation process and my enthusiasm. However I know that I have to do something about it quickly before it never gets done. I am enjoying Florida, even though it is cold right now and I was hoping never to feel a chill again :) I work alot and I am trying to get through some of my issues - obviously the big life issues that I have been working on since being born with a black father and a white mother. As of right now I am closer to my mom than my dad, which is very strange. My dad is going through some sort of mid life crises and I am not dealing with his bs. Mom has come down to see me and so have my sisters. It is interesting that my sisters have no concept of the racial identity. Some out there might think that is good but they do not know anything about being black, black history or anything. I guess in a strange way it is the opposite of me. I have chosen to be "black" even though I appear more white. They have chosen to be more "white" but without realizing it. They have no clue and they do not seem to care. They have been brought up in a white area so I am a little afraid when they go out into the "real" world and what it may do to them. Other than that I am busy with my animals and trying to figure my job out, as well as Florida. Talk to you soon! Trish
Name: M, email address not given
Subject: Affirmative Action
Date: 10/28/97
As a black person I feel that affirmative action is wrong. I don't think accepting into a college, or hiring me for job on the basis of the color of my skin is right. As Martin Luther King said "we should judge people on the content of their character instead of the color of their skin. Right now I working on a research paper entitled "Arguments against Affirmative Action and Proposition 209". What I trying express in the paper that affirmative action did more wrong than good. It's true that alot of afro-american benefited from affirmative action programs but they went about it the wrong way. You can't do wrong for wrong. You can't discriminate against the white because he once discriminated against you. We have to be like God and love the sinner but hate sin. Another plan should've been drawn up as to where both minorities and the majority will benefit. Proposition 209 does no justice for the women and minorities of Americans. The white acted out of anger when prop. 209 was proposed and passed into law. Proposition 209 may/will send blacks a bit back into the past. Proposition 209 was just too abdrupt in stopping affirmative action. Too many people depended on affirmative action and to just through away people dreams in that cruel manor wrong. A new plan needs to be drawn up as to where no race, or sex will discriminated against in America. Thank You! Please excuse any mispelled words.
Name: maria zuniga, email address not given
Subject: affirmative action
Date: 10/14/97
how can we stop affirmative action?
Name: Renee, pohlmanratwartburg.edu
Subject: appearance
Date: 10/7/97
This may seem like a strange question, but this may be the best place to ask it. I have a friend who was adopted. His birth certificate lists him as biracial white/black. Many people mistake him for white only. Recently he met his birth mom and she is indeed white, although she has very dark hair and eyes. They have formed a good relationship - except for one area. She seems hesitant to talk about his birth father, and has only said that he was an African studying in America. My friend is anxious to learn about his father. He feels that his mother may be putting him on the wrong track, but does not want to pressure her. He seriously questions whether a white woman with such dark features and a Black man straight from Africa could have had such a light-skinned child. What do you all think? Is this very likely?
Name: Rueben Felipe Chavez, rchavez@kwom.com
Subject: BIRACIAL IDENTITY AND LIFE CHANCES
Date: 10/4/97
Greetings,
I am a 33 year old Latino. I married an anglo woman of Italian heritage and we have five very beautiful children, two of which are in their teen years.
I am also a full-time student soon to complete my studies in Sociology. I am currently engaged in a research project about Biracial individuls and their life chances. Specifically, I am curious about the social development process of biracial people. Do felings of "mixed-identity" affect how one chooses peer groups, educational goals and pursuits, career paths, etc. Naturally, as a father of biracial children, my interests in this topic transcend mere sociological findings.
If anyone within this group would be interested in voluntarily assisting me, I would like to mail a very breif survey to you. My purpose is to try and ascertain if there is a correlation between "life chances" and biracial or multi-racial heritage.
Thank you in advance for your assiatance.
Name: Cynthia Nguyen, nguyen521@aol.com
Subject: biracial children
Date: 10/2/97
I am a white woman married to a vietnamese man. We have 2 children, a daughter Cesylee who is 9 and a son Nathan 7. My children are bieng raised to be very proud of both races. They tell everyone they are amerasian. My daughter looks like me but she has the dark brown (almost black hair) and brown eyes and light brown skin. My son looks like his father but has my greenish brown eyes and light brown hair. We are raising them in both cultures, we celebrate Vietnamese New Year along with all of my holidays. We try to teach our children to be very proud of who you are and it doesn't matter what other people think, as long as you love yourself and are proud of yourself you will be happy.