Adult Letters

July through September, 2000

My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.

This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!

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Letters:

Name: CAB, no email address given
Subject: Skin Color and Political Affiliations

I am a light-skinned Black male, age 28, who lives in the Los Angeles area. Both of my parents are fair-complected African-Americans.

Although my parents are registered Democrats, their political views (especially my father's) tended to be very conservative.

Likewise, my views are conservative: Shelby Steele/Armstrong Williams-like conservatism. I am a registered Republican.

Because I am light-skinned, Republican, and "proper-speaking," my African-American peers have sometimes labeled me as a "sell-out" and "White-washed."

Although I should disregard such negative comments, a part of me sometimes feels guilty for re-enforcing stereotypes about "uppity light-skinned Blacks."

Have other readers shared similar experiences?

Hi! I wonder if you can help me?

I recently found out that a bother of mine who die in 1996 had a daughter. and the little girl also lost her mother in dec 1999 and she has no one to look after her and i just want to know how I can go about adopating her in the present time she is in east Africa, I'm 20yrs old and working full-time

I am a young woman of mixed-race identity. Having grown up in South Africa I am classified as being "Coloured" - which is merely a convenient label for anyone who is not regarded as being racially pure. Both my parents are of mixed race and as a result us children are a diverse bunch, ranging from dark brown to fair skinned. I am the youngest of the 5 children and I also happen to be the fairest. It has taken me most of my life (I am 26 years) to come to terms with my identity and to understand who I am. I totally reject the term "Coloured" and prefer to refer to myself as mixed race.

My husband is white and is very supportive of my quest to search my diverse genetic roots. We don't have any children as yet, but we often discuss the implications of having multiracial children in a South Africa that is still obsessed with classifing people into racial groups. I know that it won't be easy for our children but with our love and support they will be able to feel secure in their identity as multiracial persons. I intend to raise my children with a strong awareness of their rich racial & cultural heritage ... I want them to know that race is only one part of a person's identity and that they ultimately will have to decide who they are. My children will grow up with the knowledge that God has created all people and that although we may differ in appearance, we are all of equal worth in God's eyes.

I came upon this site by accident, but found it very interesting. I have an Aunt who married a black man and was shunned by the family. It was only recently (after my grandmother passed) that she was brought back into the family. While my grandmother was alive, none of us could speak of my Aunt, and no one did. It comes as a shock to some people I talk with them on racial issues that I tell them that I have mixed cousins. Most don't believe me and I take his picture out of my wallet and prove to them I do. We are not ashamed of them and don't try to deny their existance. My reason for this comment is that I stumbled onto Kelly Murphy's story and had to say bravo to her. Some of the other stories I read seemed to have focused on wanting to choose a side or race. She simply says, be proud of who you are. I think that is true for EVERYONE! Not only people of mixed cultures but to everyone. So to you Kelly, congratulations on finding out who you are and handling it with dignity and class.

sir/mam well i have a tan complexion and a little bit yellowish too i am really annoyed with my tan color and i want to get rid of this color i want to become white that i can look more beautiful than before give me any tips. please

I want to know how we make Myshoes more fluid and facilitate more active participation. A few letters back, Staci suggested a chat room. How do we do that? I think that was a great idea. I get frustrated whenever I come to this site because I read all these great and powerful things people have to say and there doesn't seem to be a good way to respond. Sure I could write a letter back, but, one, the next responce would come three months later and, two, I don't feel qualified to pontifiate my views all over this site. I've thought of essay topics, etc., but I submitted my personal story and that, surely, was more than enough of me. I would like to see more dialogue not diatribe. You are my people and I share something with you that few people I know could ever understand. Let's talk! I can't imagine that I'm alone with these thoughts. What do you all think? Don't email me. Answer here. Let's get this stagnated behemoth rolling.

Also: how about a private area for members only? Where we can really get into it?

And to Dr. Brooks: please do not take this as criticism! I think you have done a wonderful thing here. This site is like a bastion in cyberbase for us lost souls. I just want to make this place more dynamic, to breath life into the embers that are steadily burning but deserve more light. And if I can help, let me know how.

(Moderator's Note:  I think that this is a great idea!  However, I am not savy enough on the computer to create a chat group.  If one of our members would volunteer to create the chat group and he or she or another member would host it, please contact me.  Regarding a "private area for members only", would the member need a pass word?  How can that be set up?  I need some help.  Nothing happens automatically on this site, i.e., I read and place every submission in its proper location.)

"new" website about and for lightskin people and mix lightskin people http://www.lightskin.comhttp://www.lightskingirls.tsx.org and search for lightskin on msn.com that keyword {lightskin} on msn.com

How do you become a member on your site?

(Moderator's Note:  Go to the Personal Stories section at the web site and select the button at the end of the third paragraph.  Or select Personal Stories above where I have made a direct link.)

YES I WOULD LIKE TO ASK WHAT IS THE MOST RACIST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?

My son (African-American) fathered a child by a caucasian female. They no longer have a relationship but thank God, I have visitation with my granddaughter often. My granddaughter's mother since gave birth to a beautiful caucsian son. I try not to make a difference in them, whenever my granddaughter visits, I bring her "bubby" along. I am dealing with the unkind comments and stares whenever we go places. There are times when my granddaugter and I have visits without "bubby" and she is now trying to explain why I am not his Nana to him. His maternal and faternal grandmothers are both deceased. Does anyone have any comments on how to handle this delicate situation without causing too much turmoil in little "bubby's" life. His mom is not much help. I love them both and need some intelligent suggestions.

"Nana"

Is this another "white bashing" website? I get real sick of all the talk about the bad whitey and how he/she is the cause of all racism. Let's talk about jackson,farakahn,mr.X and all the black panthers!. Why does nobody want to speak of their HATE?. I went to school with some of the worst black bigots I've ever encountered,they make some skinheads look like angels!. Why?...Why am I always treated poorly by sullen angry black folk at every turn?. Why do I and every other white person get blamed for slavery?. My people did not own any plantation,heck...they just got to america in the early 1900's. Why do you insist on calling the appearance of being white a problem?, what's wrong with looking white? what's wrong with being white?....you act/sound as if it is some horrible curse!. SHAME ON YOU PEOPLE!!! your the bigots here,not me!

I find your website to be very interesting. I am not a direct mix, but like many blacks in the U.S./world who may fit in various categories. I've been mistaken for being Latina and Middle Eastern. My mother has been mistaken for being white. She is a quarter of each black, Scottish, English and East Indian, born in Jamaica. One person on your website mentioned she visited Belize and felt right at home, which leads me to my question. Has anyone studied how racism is "practiced" in other countries and compared it to the U.S. How do you think your experiences would be different and how would you view yourself now as well as in the past? I've found through my travels and studies that even in countries where there is a large mixed population like the Caribbean and Polynesian islands (for example)racism/prejudices are practiced. There is not a pressure to choose like in the U.S., but certain features , hair texture and color skin are favored. Its (in some places) much more sublte and then there is also the class issue. I do find that some of the people who have shared their experiences are still confused, some have admitted to this (no insult intended). Growing up and adjusting to what life throws at you can be very confusing. For some the cause seems to lie in how their family members handle the race issue, a long with some harsh experiences from the outside. Its hard enough finding your own identity much less feeling forced to chose one race/ethnicity.

I'm not sure how many of us live in the Bay Area, but for those who do I would like to propose that we meet. I think it would be fun and therapeutic if we could get together and chat. I would love to meet more people of color, mixed folks, etc., who share some of my feelings and perceptions.

If any are interested, please email me and we will talk further.

Cheers!

I am 25 years old and not biracial. I am an african american lady. I was reading some of your comments and on most of them everyone seemed so sad. You guys are complaining about being discriminated against, which is truley understandable, but it is surprising to me that you guys are so surprised by it! Being discriminated against doesn't just happen to people of mixed heritage,but it happens to a lot of people, especially african americans. Everyone was saying how they were made fun of when they were children. I remember when I was in kindergarten and nursery school and white children would call me nigger. I know that it is hard, but is hard for all of us with african descent. I have alot of indian and white in my family and I'm sure mostly all the blacks in this country do (if you are from the United States most likely you are not pure african, white, or whatever). This whole country is a melting pot. If you talk to some africans from AFRICA they don't except african americans as their own. So in essence, we are just americans. I am going to say that biracial people who have had mixed blood recently are their own race, people who are not mixed think that you guys look beautiful, we just want to know what your background is, not everyone is out to get you. I am a dark skinned african american, but I have small features and my eyes are big. I'm five-nine and thin. My hair isn't straight but I have had people tell me, "Your pretty for a black girl. While I was living in Texas this one hispanic lady said I looked like her neice, another hispanic said I looked like her cousin,she said," I should have been happy she said that". What be happy because I don't look like the stereotypical black person. I think that was a form of racism so I didn't say anything when I was given these compliments. Everyone is discriminated against, stop whining about it. That's life. Don't pass as one cultural if your are mixed embrace both. If they do not like you for who you are then you don't need them. Period.

I am 26, I am a single parent of a biracial son. I am white, his father africac american. We live in the south. Arkansas!!!!!!!! These people here are very racist, but on the other hand, when they see my son they comment on hw beutiful he is. I just want to give him the best life I possibly can. I want to know if there is any information for parents on raising mixed children. I want all the information possible. I also want to say to everybody, Biracial people are very beutiful people, before to long they will have a race of there own. My grandparents are from the heart of the south. They were very racist, when they found out I was pregnant, they didn't like it one bit. They were pissed. When I had my baby, they fell in love with him. He is the highlite of thier life. They look forward to seeing him every day. They still don't agree with people mixing races, but they would never mistreat my child, and never let anyone else mistreat him. They have quit using that "N" word too. My sister has a mixed son too they love him to death too. It don't matter what people think as long as god loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am white and my son's father is black. I am taking a Sociology course and was ask to write a paper, anything pertaining to race, class, or gender. I have decided to write on the subject of being biracial. Luckily, to the best of my knowledge my son or myself have not experienced any discrimination. We have had a couple of stares but nothing more than that. I am writing to see if you can give me any information about this topic or lead me in the right direction. I really need to narrow my topic down to a specific issue. Any help you can give will be greatly appreciated. This will not only help me for my paper but it will help answer questions that my son may have.

I'm African American, no let me say this I'm a child of God thats who I am. I've been saying this over and over again just lay off my race! What is it? The topic is about Blacks everywhere on these boards, man! You people have a problem about who you're I'm very proud of my black race if you are not happy being half black, multiracial mixed with black, just don't tell people what your Nationality is. Tell them that you are hispanic or what ever, but that would be a lie. My grandfather is black/white my grandmother's father is cherokee Indian and My mother is half Indian so everyone is mixed, Especially African Americans because women were violated back in slavery so sould we all come forward and say we are people of color, how ridiculous that is. I'm happy who I am and you people can't not make me turn on my race so find a culture that you would be happy in and leave my race alone we are not causing anyone any harm. just love yourselves and God, no matter what your race is he loves you, when he comes back it will be only one race like Adam and Eve was, so until then be happy seek him. Also I hope I don't offend anyone I was only making a statement here, now does race really matters.

well, this doesn't really have to do with the census but when i had to fill out a form for the first day of college, i had to check my race. i neglected to check the "white" box however, i also passed over the "black" box and proceeded to check the "other" box. something came over me for some reason and i was no longer going to check only one box anymore...the thing that bothered me was that my neighbor beside me felt the need to take a peek at my paper and the look on her face was unbelievable! it was like i wasn't supposed to check "other" what's wrong with this picture? am i allowed to put other? because i feel that i am neither one or the other therefore i am going to put "other" from now on--even though it hurts me every time i do it.

I have a biracial granddaughter who has a white complection and champaign blond hair. It is fine and copious (because they have seldom cut it) but my feeling is that it is actually fairly 'thin'? Her black gradma twists it into pretty braids, but that's something I just can't master. I love babysitting, but have such a time brushing and styling her 'fuzzy' locks. She cries with the styling ordeal here or at home as it really tangles badly. I have suggested relaxers privately to our daughter, but she appears to be reluctant. I think part of it is that she is afraid it might harm her 7 year old's hair, and perhaps just trying to be sensitive to the black part of her heritage. She cannot ever comb her own hair, though she wants to and sometimes tries. Lotions do help, but I so wish her hair was easier to manage. At what age can relaxers safely be tried? Is the process reversible should she dislike the result? She really would like to wear her hair down and sport bangs. Any suggestions?

iam a lightskin 22y old male i have a mix background in atlanta ga. i like lightskin ladys a lot my mom is lightskin and my dad too when i date lightskin girls darkskin people say iam try to be white why do they get made at me. i grow up likeing lightskin people a lot saw how lightskin people where treated by darskin people i get so made at them. that why a made a website call (www.lightfamily.com)so lightskin familys and other lightskin people can get to no each other with out being put down by the darker skin people come see my website.

Hi... I am involved with a very loving, caring, wonderful black man. I am white and never thought I could fall in love with a black man, but I have. My problem is that I'm very concerned about our children...his being black and mine white. If we were to marry, how would this effect our children. Our relationship is still growing so we have not introduced ourselves to our children. I'm more afraid of this than he is. I need to know how it will effect both mine and his children once they find out the color difference. Is there or could there be a future for us without destroying the lives of the kids. Our kids ages are 4,6,10, and 14. Thank You for any information you could give me on this matter.

Overall, is it healthier to simply date/marry multiracial people if you are of mixed-race heritage? Or are there double the amount of identity issues to deal with?

Recently, I received a very special gift that I would believe is so rare in the world. I met some relatives who had given me a wealth of information about my family history. I learned more about who met/married who in order for me to be who I am now, and I'm still learning more and more each time that I communicate with them.

This country has been so obsessed with its hatred of black skin that it has gone too far in trying to keep the so-called "races" (well, the white race) pure. One of you brought up the topic about the "one-drop" rule, and that "one-drop rule" has affected the outcome of physical traits in families (especially those families that had bi-racial and quadroon parents that married blacks). Because of that, there are many mulattoes out there that call themselves "black" who really aren't, biologically, what they say or believe they are.

I look at myself in the mirror, and even I couldn't recognize the images of all of the umpteenth great-grandparents all within me. Now that I have learned more about who they were and where they came from, these special relatives of mine made me see not only WHO I am, but also WHAT I am. Now, racist America will call and define me as "black," which is erroneous and biologically/genetically incorrect. From the information that I was given by these relatives, I have the names and identification of more than 400 x-something grandparents who were from more than 12 ethnic groups. I have learned that I am Fulani, Ashanti, Jar, Hausa, Jaro, English (and many of my grandparents were English), Irish, Dutch, French, German, Russian, Spanish, Italian, Choctaw, Roman, ancient Greek, and a tribe from East Africa of which I am not familiar yet. In learning about all that I am, now I am able to see my Roman/Italian face, my Irish breasts, my Dutch legs, my English hands, I look at my hair that I can now either wear natural (frizzy, curly, and wavy), or I can wear it long and straight. And I look at my tawny, brown, Ashanti/Fulani/Hausa/Jar/Jaro/East African skin, and now I see the mulatto I truly am.

There was never a question for me about escaping blackness (although I do have some dark-skinned relatives who have done so in mind and spirit all their lives) because I have always accepted who I am. But now I am proud to have this rare gift of extensive knowledge about my past and my family's past without the hard, hair-splitting research that many geneaologists must do in order to learn about their past. I am proud to say that I am ALL that I am, and that I not just "one and not the other," or "one and maybe the other," or "one and not seem like the other".

I know it's hard for mulattos who are constantly challenged about their identities. I'm not lying to myself or to you in saying that I feel that challenge if I were to be challenged and questioned about who I am. But I won't let America's lie to us all stop me from accepting all that I am, as I'm sure it's not stopping you from being everything you are. But the hardest challenge for mulattos who have African ancestry is to IGNORE America's lie about who you are and do your best to KNOW who you are and where you came from. But you must not accept America's lie about who all you are (and aren't), and BE all you are...all the African tribes to which you belong, as well as all of your European ethnic groups, Native American ethnic groups, Hispanic ethnic groups, Asian ethnic groups, and everything else that I did not mention that you are. And once you ACCEPT fully, in heart and in spirit everything you are, then racist America will be defeated.

I'm currently enrolled in Cambridge College, I'm working on a thesis. Beyond Diversity is my title. I'm looking at whether or not diversity training addresses the issues of the bi-racial worker. Therefore I need to understand as much as possible, what it is like to be biracial and some of the issue faced. I am the mother of a biracial child. She is four. My husband is black and I am white. I need some insight as to what my daughter can expect from a city she resides in. The city is in massachusetts. I welcome all responses. Thanks

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