Adult
Letters
January through March, 1997
My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.
Adult
Letters
January through March, 1997
My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.
This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group.
Remember, My Shoes just came on line on November 1, 1996. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!
To send your questions or comments press 
Letters:
Name: Trisha Suggs, triby@uriacc.uri.edu
Subject: I understand
Date: 31 Mar 1997
I response to Janet Crawford's letter. I can really understand what you are going through. I have done so much for both the white and black communities and at times I get slammed for being too white or not white enough. I get so angry that I could spit. It just makes me hate being biracial so much but I can do nothing to change that so I must prevail some how. Keep the faith and still do what you are doing. Others may not appreciate it but the feeling that you get (the feeling that I get) when you have helped someone or done something positive to enrich somone's life is unmeasureable. I hope that you will see this and that it will help you get through the times when others (blacks) think that you are not black and that you are invading there territory. Sometimes I feel like I have to wave a flag saying that I am black. Sometimes it is the first thing out of my mouth and some people do not like it but hey - bump them!!! Sorry this is only a quick note but I have clients coming in. I am glad that there is a sevice such as this because it is needed. Now hopefully I can find time to get on the computer without being disturbed. Oh by the way I will be happy to help anyone with their research questions or if someone wants me to fill out a questionaire etc. I am doing research as well in the biracial identity development area. Right now I am stuck and just tired of it all. Hope to hear from some people!!!! Trisha
Name: Michelle
Subject: Biracial children
Date: 31 Mar 1997
I was so excited to find a site like this one. I am the white mother of 2 biracial (black/white) children, ages 1 & 4, both of which have very fair complexions. My daughter is now four, and I am concerned about her. Most people can't guess her heritage by looking at her. She could really pass for white. We live in an almost all white part of Denver and she rarely sees her black relatives because they're out of state. She really identifies with and loves the white side of her, naturally because of her environment and because her mother is white. What I worry is that she's missing out on identifying with the black side of her. We make an effort to buy her black and brown dolls and multiracial books, and if you ask her what color she is, she'll tell you brown. I don't know what else to do for her. I hope that when she decides to discover her black side, so to speak, she won't be rejected. Maybe someone who's been through this can give me some suggetions, encouragement, etc. Thanks.
Name: 007, Withheld by request
Date: 20 Mar 1997
I had a really uncomfortable situation at school recently that was (thankfully) resolved. I was being sexually harassed by a non-faculty member of the university. He was black, and I was really upset by his explicit comments and unwanted attention, especially since he wears a wedding band. After giving it some thought, and reading supportive e-mail from webpals, I reported him, and I have had no more problems as of today.
For me, this brought up a lot of very uncomfortable memories of being leered at and ogled by men when I was a child. Despite a few situations, mercifully I was not harmed physically, but I was definitely made uncomfortable by the kind of attention I got from black men. Looking at photos, I was a very beautiful girl (ain't too bad now! ;-)). I spent some of my childhood being shuttled to the neighborhood where my housekeeper lived when my mother had to work late or go out of town. My nanny lived in a black working-class neighborhood. Some of her relatives lived in housing projects, and I went with her when she visited family. Well, I can remember her getting very irate and cursing at men who would make comments as we drove or walked by to get lost because I was a child. A few times, some of her relatives or older boys who lived down the street would get very personal or try to get me to give them a hug, etc. I didn't know what they were talking about, but would report this to my nanny, who would take off to cuss someone out. She kept a very tight leash on me, so to speak, not letting me socialize too much with other kids, to protect me (and herself, as she had to answer to my mother). To this day I am extremely uncomfortable around men reminiscent of those neighborhood men. All of the men were black men, and most were very dark.
I know it isn't politically correct, and have felt a lot of guilt at the pressure I got from my black relatives, to date black men. Many people seem to assume it's just an elitist thing, or a skin color thing, or somehow I'm ashamed of being part black but it has to do with the fear and revulsion I felt at receiving unwanted sexual attention from these men, many old enough to be my father. My recent harassment experience brought all of those fears to the forefront. When I try to express my legitimate feelings, they get lost in the whole miasma of racism and pressure from my black relatives to "stop trying to be white". The stereotype of racially mixed women as sex and status symbols does not help me in resolving my situation.
I hope that one day I will be more comfortable, but it is hard to not make generalizations when I continually receive unwanted attention (i.e. catcalls on the street, harassment at school or when I venture into a predominantly urban environment). For this reason, I generally prefer the "invisibility" of living in a predominantly white environment. Okay, I've ruminated enough.
Name: Jodi aka Kat414, Kat414 @AOL
Subject: self identity issues for Biracials (latency age to
adults)
Date: 18 Mar 1997
Hi. I am in a Graduate program writing about the above topic. I am interested in this for many reasons. The most important reason is because my son is Italian and African American. My neices and nephews are Italian and Indian etc. If anyone can help with data or conversation please Email me.Thanks!
Name: 007, Withheld by request
Date: 17 Mar 1997
I was reading some of the other personal stories and letters. I'm going through a hard time and didn't feel comfortable airing my opinion on IV because there has been so much recent backlash from some people about IV's candid approach to calling a spade a spade. I'm just glad there was a place to go.
Thank you.
(Moderator"s Note: Since My Shoes is a support group, feel free to talk about your feelings to the group in this section of the website. Perhaps others share your sentiments and your comments can be helpful to them. Even if others respond with different experiences, their comments might be helpful, also.)
Name: Juanita Brooks,
jbrooks@myshoes.com
Subject: Gary Alexander's Story
Date: March 17, 1997
Your personal story was very rich with issues with which I identified. A few comments:
>As I know is the case with some others in this forum, I have at times been identified as white, hispanic, middle eastern, etc. I admit that there were times that I allowed people to think whatever they wanted, especially if there were some benefit to me. I'm not proud of this, and I don't do it anymore.
I use to make sure that people knew of my African American heritage so that I would have a clear concience about not "passing for white." I later decided that I knew who I was and didn't have to prove my worth to others. As long as I do not deny any of my heritage, I am not "passing" for anyone or anything. I now prefer to allow those who judge me to deal with their own problems.
>All I really wanted was to fit in somewhere and feel that I belonged to something.
Amen! It is what I have wanted all of my life, also.
>One of the great things about the attention that is now being given to the issue of bi and multi raciality is that it has made me realize that I have other choices, and that one of those choices is not to choose at all. I realize that we live in a world where racial identity is very important to some people, sometimes for the wrong reasons. Still, I'm tired of letting others decide who I am.
I thought that I only had two choices (b/w) before the movement. For me, to identify as biracial describes my heritage and I feel comfortabe with this descriptor. Others can describe themselves as they so choose and it will be perfectly alright with me, even if they choose to suffer the pain of "passing."
Thanks for your story.
Name: David Douglas, ddouglas@remc7.k12mi.us
Date: March 16, 1997
My heart was warmed when I discovered your Web-site. I really think that it is important for bi-racial children/families to connect with each other. Not only can we lend support to each other, I really believe we have a unique and essential role to play in helping our world to understand and eliminate racism
Name: Rita Kwan, ritakwan@creighton.edu
Date: 3-13-97
Subject: biracial college students
Hello my name is Rita Kwan and I am an undergraduate student at Creighton University. I am working on a research paper dealing with the topic of biracial college students. I am very interested in how students of mixed races feel about their ethnic background and how it has impacted their lives, particularly in college. I would greatly appreciate any responses dealing with this subject matter. Please e-mail me any thoughts and feelings associated with being a biracial college student. Thanks :)!
Name: Gary Alexander, ganyc@sprynet.com
Subject: This website
Date: 13 Mar 1997
I'd also like to thank you for setting up this website. The stated purpose of this forum is an issue with which I've struggled all my life. I live in New York City, and you might think that in a city as large and as ethnically diverse as this one that there would be at least one support group available for discussion of the issues that people like ourselves face. As far as I know, that isn't the case. Still, it's great that this site exists. I find it very comforting to know that there are others out there with whom I can identify. Even though I knew it wasn't really true, I've lived much of my life thinking that I was completely alone with this issue. For once, it's good to be proven wrong.
I don't know how others in this forum feel, but one of the things that I'm kind of tired of is being asked "what are you"? It isn't that I have a problem with the way I answer, it's just that I'm a little weary of the question. Sometimes, I think that the question is not asked out of malice but of genuine curiosity. I guess that's ok, but I'd prefer that people draw their own conclusions and judge me according to my merits and actions. It has been my experience that there are some people, of any race, who insist that I be one thing or another and who base their asessment of me on whatever category they arbitrarily select. I have a problem with that kind of thinking. I don't think that I do that, but then, I may be particularly sensitive to the issue.
Name: Darlene, chuckie101@juno.com
Date: 3-12-97
Subject: Biracial people growing up in the north in contrast
with the south
I would like to hear from biracial people that have an oppinon about the areas of the US that they live in and how they are treated in these areas. Thank you. DJ
Name: Harold D. Thomas II, texan@tisd.net
Date: 06 Mar 1997
I was just writing to say thanks for this web site. I think it will prove to be a *very* valuable resource for myself. As well as many other people. Where exactly do you practice?
(Moderator's Note: I practice in Melbourne, Florida.)
Name: Janet Crawford, crawfordjc@afb.org
Subject: FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: 05 Mar 1997
Why, Why!!! EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life I get disrespected, shunned by these ignorant ass blacks that hate me just because I look like I do. I try every day to be kind, gentle and give moral support to other who get this same treatment and I try to explain that these current blacks are not the blacks of great ness from the past, but merely, poor examples of slave mentality that never died. I mean, I was not responsible for the rift between post slave light and darkskinned blacks. I didn't start any of the elitest clubs, I didn't have anything to do with the so-called COMB test of lightness or darkness. I have worked all my life in the black community, got three black children, raised a number of other black people's kids because they were too busy doing drugs, selling their kids sexually for money for drugs and so on. But every single day no matter how kind or positive I am I get that same crap and I'm so tired of dealing with it alone. I already feel totally disconnected from the black community and yes I understand all of our plight in this white racist world, but when are we going to start working together and get off this merry-go-round of self hatred of eachother.
I need to know of some support groups in the Washington, DC area that I can go to or people I can talk to about this. I don't really want to go on a public forum with all the negativity I feel right now, it's not a good idea for me. My kids depend on me to keep the light of positivity burning for them in the black community and no matter how they treat me, I have to keep giving them hope that the whole damn black race is not a bunch of ignorant, ghetto behaving, racists that only care about ones blackness as it registers on the blackometer. I mean I know there are caring, righteous, strong black people who want to end this rediculous rift and move toward a better united black community, and human community as a whole, but I unfortunately don't get to see THOSE black people, only the ignorant assholes that come to my office, see me on the street or even at the school. I took a bunch of kids to the black history play at school, cause their ignorant ass black parents wouldn't take them, and they had parts in the plays. When I got their almost every black person in the damn auditorium gives me this stupid disrespect, even the damn teacher who was dressed in African wears, was disrespecting me openly, now if that aint the most hypocritical bullshit I've every encountered. Well now I've really had it. Even the damn messengers come in here with that ignorant street prejudice crap. My kingdom for a descent, strong, positive encounter with a true black person, or someone to talk about this further would really be great. Thanks folks for letting me vent! AAARGHHH!!!
Name: Lorenzo Gonzalez, zebra@sure.net
Date: February 19, 1997
Thank you very much for doing the work you are doing. Biracials need this kind of community development and support; as a burgeoning culture we need to open up avenues of communication with one another and I see no better way of doing it than on the web. You are doing excellent work.
Sincerely,
Lorenzo ShadowSky/Gonzalez
P.S. I use the term Zebra as a word of empowerment, much the same way people of different sexualities adopted the negative term "Queer" and turned it into a personal word representing unity and pride. Besides, zebras are gorgeous anyway … ;).
Name: Amy Decelles, adecell@wpo.luc.edu
Subject: White mother of a white/hispanic daughter.
Date: 06 Feb 1997
I noticed that many of the issues presented at this site have to do with people who are half black/half white. What about people who are mixed with white and another race, like hispanic, asian or Native American? My daughter is half white and half Mexican. Very few people notice her Mexican features, but, believe me, they're there. Only other Mexicans can tell (sometimes they can't) but only after taking a good, long look at her. She has the high cheekbones, the almond eyes (indigenous in origin), the short nose and the turned-down mouth that many Mexicans of indigenous descent have. Her skin is an olive tone, but she often gets mistaken for Italian (which is part of her heritage) or Greek. She hasn't had many negative experiences regarding her appearance and she feels accepted in both the white and hispanic community. However, I would be interested in hearing from other white/hispanics about their experiences. This is mainly for my own curiosity. My daughter has friends who are white/hispanic, but the issue is seldom explored.
(Moderator's Note: All combinations/mixes of biracial individuals with a white appearance are welcome to become members of the support group.)
Name: Juanita Brooks,
jbrooks@myshoes.com
Subject: JP's Poem
Date: 30 Jan 1997
JP, I need to converse with you before I post your wonderful poem. Please let me know how I can contact you. It WILL BE a confidential communication, including your location.
Site Moderator
Name: lolo, tarikt@micronet.fr
Subject: black/white biracial persons
Date: 28 Jan 1997
I am a French student doing a pre-Phd thesis about biracial black/white persons in the US. My interests are both historical and contemporary. I am looking for the "inside" stories of biracial persons in the US. How do you define yourself? How do other people consider you? What experiences have you had as a biracial black/white person? I would greatly appreciate your help and comments. Thanks. Lolo.
Name: Carol Zwiebach-Sherman, zsherman@ix.netcom.com
Subject: Biracial Research
Date: January 27, 1997
My name is Carol Zwiebach-Sherman, and I am a third year doctoral student at the California School of Professional Psychology in Los Angeles.
I was wondering if you would be willing to participate in my study on the experiences o biracial people. I am looking at the relationship between biracial identification and well-being. My interest in this area comes from my own biracial background (I am half Japanese and half German-Jewish).
If you would like to participate, please contact me at my e-mail address, zsherman@ix.netcom.com
Name: carlos m starr, cmstarr@juno.com
Subject: hispanic-white
Date: 21 Jan 1997
my mother is of german decent,she was raised in cajun country LA. she was a missionary to chile,south america. my father is chilean. mostly spainard,some mapuche indian blood i was born in u.s.a and have a southern accent
are there many like me?
Name: Jason Liecher, 106612.275@compuserve.com
Date: January 20, 1997
Hello again Juanita,
I do not wish to impose upon you, however, I have looked at My Shoes and, contrary to my premature belief, I am still no closer to realising my sense of self.
My circumstances are very much atypical, at least I think they are. You say you read some of my posts to IV, well at the risk of repeating myself, may I endulge in a 'brief' synopsis of my situation.
I always described myself as Black or Black Caribbean, even though I was born in the UK, I was raised within a black family unit and so MY colour or culture were never an issue for me.
Both my parents are black, my father being very dark, while in contrast my mother is very light. She comes from a long line of white and mixed race ancestry. This has had a checkerboard effect because some of my siblings are darker than others. I have a half sister who looks more oriental than anything and is assumed as such by oriental men. I am very light skinned with a broadish nose and small full lips. Still, because of my hue and chisled face, I come across as biracial.
Throughtout my academic career, my hue was an easy target for my peers; I was often called 'Caramac' or 'Caramel' by my black school mates. It was quite upsetting, but as time went by the taunts were forgotten. Then I went to college and that's when, what I can now call, my identity crisis began and to this day continues.
I'll spare you the details, suffice to say that the same ignorance and discrimination the black community in your country, let alone mine, wreak towards their more culturally diverse 'brothers' & 'sisters', befell me. Alienation by the black students, unbearable name calling, "Red skin, sell-out.." etc., The thing was, my very existence was being questioned, everything about me as a human being was put under a spotlight.
I was seen as some sort of novelty among the student body, because as far as they were concerned, to be a black person, you had to speak, walk and dress a certain way. I don't need to innocently patronise you, you know the issues already.
I was dying inside. I did not know where to turn. I never had to think about race before, I was just me. Also, black/Afrcian/Caribbean history and culture were largely given the back seat in my crazy family. My parents actively prevented us from learning our national language which today ads to my general lack of identity, and they themselves were very prejudiced towards black people anyway. They constantly reiterated the white supremacist dogma on us, which is why I suppose, with the exclusion of one or two, my siblings have dated interracially and have biracial children.
I suppose we all internalised our parents incessant diatribes, and they were reproduced by my siblings in turn. It was considered abhorrant that we [our family] had any trace of African ancestry. As far as they were concerned, we had none and our hue was seen as a big advantage. In short, we had one up on our darker others and should be grateful and exploit it.
Well, as you can imagine, once I hit college, my mind was going loopy. My family were very much westernised, and living in the UK, there did/does not exist the sorts of historical racial problems that are prelavent in the US. So basically we had a pretty broad cultural and educational upbringing.
I don't know whether I'm making a problem for myself by thinking about the issue; it's just that up until recently, I did not realise how common this problem was and that I was not the principal reason for the black students angst. I thought that once college - High School to you - my problems would end, but no. In public, blacks meet me with the same disaffections.
As far as other races are concerned, I'm a novelty, different to other black people, less black more white in attitude and what have you. I hate the incessant questions begging my origin or explaining my existence!
We all have to continue our lives, pay bills, work, university etc., but the issues remain and affect every other aspect of my life. Maybe I'm upset because for the first time in my life I truly know what racism is and more to the point, I'm being affected by it. For a time I resented biracials because I felt I was being arbitrarily grouped with a generally disliked minority group. "Why should I suffer for being something I'm not!" I'd complain.
For years, I have been forced to question my existence and my motivations at the behest of 'my own people'; forced to validate and defend my heritage and now in almost a complete reversal, I actively want to identify as Biracial! With the exception of old friends, I can never relate to other black people; I've been so traumatised by things, I just fail to connect, and it's not for want of trying. I think the dogma I internalised has really come to the fore because I genuinely feel fear and contempt for dark skinned black people. I now see them just as my parents and siblings have said and how I have been treated by the wider community, as hostile, unintelligent people. I don't have to explain to you that this mode of thinking is wrong, stupid and ultimately divisive. However, I've been very much excluded and villified and so I suppose it's very easy for me to thus feel this way, I only hope I can see past such sentiments.
As I've asked so many others, including my siblings; "Am I identifying as biracial because our ancestry is a mix of black, white and biracial, or because I'm merely bowing to the pressure society is placing on me?"
I have always been considered biracial, even when I did not realise it. I feel better in myself, more confident when I identify, to myself, as biracial; it is the only community I can and do relate to. I can only look at black issues through biracial eyes/medium. Unlike the US, British biracials think nothing of identifying themselves as such, there are no groups ready to jump down your throat for identifying thusly.
Black/white biracials in the UK are not liked, not because they are biracial per se, but because they are largely from poor working class English backgrounds. I complain that I don't truly have a sense of identity, yet when put next to a biological biracial, the difference in culture is apparent. They will tend to speak with a 'cockney' accent, which I suppose is the white english equivalent of ebonics. Very hard on the ears and generally connotes shadiness and unintelligence, even though that is not always the case. Also, the 'one-drop' rule as you call it operates here too, in that you are seen as black first and foremost. Thus, biracials come across as culturally disadvantaged black people. They tend to adopt white working class attitudes and to all intents and purposes are more working class English than any class black, thus they are alienated also. They tend to date only whites and, I suppose unlike in the US, black/white biracials have practised this one-upmanship my parents are so good at, which has made them no friends within the wider black community. It is not so much that they are biracial but more that they are more culturally working class English - what is seen as the lowest common denominator in British society.
Still, I don't know if I could publicly identify as such, I mean, when people inevitably ask, as they do all the time. There is also a feeling of externally imposed guilt, that you're too good to identify as black. Well, after one has been treated so badly by his own people that one begins to hate his own colour, wishing he was dark skinned and talked and walked a certain way, it is easy for him to feel isolated and want to seek shelter from the constant barrage. It is so ironic that the stereotypical characteristics blacks reject, they actively place on themselves as a gauge of their 'blackness'. It's terrible.
Perhaps I should identify as an hereditary biracial rather than biological, it seems a sensible compromise.
Thank you for listening, I hope I have given you a more rounded view of the issues affecting the community in the UK and I would be deeply appreciative of any comments you can give.
Peace Jason
(Moderator's Note: Your issues are very thought provoking and fit very much into our theme. I hope that you will receive responses from our readers that will assist you with your search for identity and inclusion
You have helped me to see another view of being biracial with a white appearance. Due to my own personal story I have only considered "white appearance" from a physical point of view. I now have broadened that view to include attitude and behaviors. Thank you! Of course each individual determines for himself or herself if he or she has a white appearance.
About the issue of being biracial. Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines biracial as, "of, relating to, or involving memberships of two races." Does this fit?
About the issue of feeling isolated. As long as I hung out almost exclusively with black people (through undergraduate school - until 21 years old), there was no dilemma. Feelings of isolation for me began when I began to live in an almost all white environment. Although I fit in well, there was always a part of me that was missing. After many years of being absent from a black environment, due to societal changes I did not feel TOTALLY comfortable there either when I attempted to merge again. I was very happy to find the new biracial community on the internet in May, 1996. Prior to that I was feeling somewhat desparate. I no longer feel isolated.
Now I am attempting to find others who are even closer to my situation, biracial with a white appearance. I believe that we share similar identity issues. It is wonderful to find others who can identify with some of these issues. For the first time in my adult life (I'm 49) I feel like I belong; there IS a place for me. I am excited about the future.
I attended the Multiracial Solidarity March in Washington in July, 1996 and found it to be a healing experience. If at all possible, you may wish to attend Multiracial March II in Los Angeles, California this summer. I realize that it would be a long and expensive trip for you. You could request housing and some financial support through the sponsers (see Interracial Voice).)
Name: B Hawkins, behawk@master.net
Subject: biracial relationships and organizations that offer
support
Date: 18 Jan 1997
Invloved in a biracial relationship and would like to know about any church in Brazoria county Texas that does not discrimnate againt such unions.
Name: Catherine Squires, crs603@nwu.edu
Subject: Hello and glad to see you all here!!!!!
Date: 15 Jan 1997
I am a biracial woman, but I don't "look white." However, I am committed to researching and talking about multiracial identity and fighting the biases and forms of racism in our society which leave us "halfies" out in the cold sometimes. I am currently doing work on the controversy over the new census racial categories. If anyone has any interesting information or would just like to chat/swap stories, etc., please e-mail me here at Northwestern University.
Thanks, and keep your heads up!
Catherine Squires crs603@nwu.edu
Name: Deb Brown,wordshop@agate.net
Subject: Feature
Date: January 07, 1997
Hi Juanita... Just a quick note to say that I am featuring your site on the introductory page of INTERracial...here's hoping many find out more about you and your efforts. I think your engineer hubby did a great job with your site.
The internet, as I have discovered after signing on for the first time a year ago, is quite an amazing tool for networking with others...simply learning more about others and the world, in general. Glad to see that you have and are taking the plunge! :
Thank you for adding my personal story to your site. I felt like I could have gone on and on for days...truly.
Wishing you and George the best in '97...
Take care, ~Deb
Name: Terry, terry2@tiac.net
Subject: Your Mission statement
Date: 02 Jan 1997
Your mission states that this support group is for biracial individuals who look white. My mother is white and my father, who died as I turned 4, was black. My identification is strongly associated with my white heritage. However, I don't necessarily look like either, nor do I really feel like either even though I am both. My maternal grandfather was Portuguese and that's often the assumption that people make about me - that I'm Cape Verdean. When I was down in Tallahassee, Florida and especially in and around Atlanta, Georgia a couple of years ago, I noticed both blacks and whites staring at me. It finally dawned on me that neither group could figure me out, even though I am used to being stared at. I did not see any other light-skinned people around. I have always felt pretty much alone, belonging to neither black or white and have long wanted to meet and discourse with others like myself. MY QUESTION IS THIS: Even though I do not look white, does that exclude me from participating/being a member of your group??? I would not be overly offended if I would not be deemed appropriate to your group, probably because I am accustomed to not going where I am not wanted and because I am discovering so many other sites out there which address similar issues. However, it's your site and you must set your own limitations.
(Moderator's Note: My Shoes is open to anyone who wishes to participate. If you believe that the theme of our support group will be helpful to you, by all means please join us.)