Adult Letters

January through March, 2001

My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.

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Letters:

Name: Sally Larson, sallylarso@aol.com
Subject: Puertorican mother and Jewish father

I am fascinated by this wedsite. I am a middleaged white woman, born of a Puertorican mother and a Jewish father who was raised on the Lower East Side of NY. I have felt alienated for a good number of years. I am sure it is partially due to the fact that haven"t truly claimedeihter side of my heritage. My dad died when I was 3 years old(ok let's get fReudian here)and I was raised by my tragic, victimized mom who died last year. i was never reaaly close to her, only in a codependent way. I am in the process of raising 3 kids who are basically "white"... And I have some regrets about my life. I wish to tell folks to embrace who they are even if they hate their parents. I am truly not kidding. Find a community who you can relate to....

Hi! It's me again, karla. I forgot to mention I may not have light features like the rest of you but I have Two younger half-brothers who do. My father has mbeen married to my stepmother for 9 years and only a couple years ago I learned from my stepgrandma that she and husband both had a white mother and black father.I saw a picture of my late stepgrandfather and the man looked like he could easliy get on the front of the bus in the 50's. But anyway, this explains why for 3years I thought my stepmother's family was from Morrocco or Egypt.To get to the point my brothers look more like their mother.than dad. they have cork-colored skin ,and black hair that curls only when it's haircut time again.But my dad wants every one to call themselves black and just focus on african blood. He has the irish blood but alot of black features and always acted hostile towards non-blacks and biracials(I wonder why?).He never acknowledges the fact he married two biracial women(HMMMMMMMM?).He deprived me of learning my other two backrounds earlyin life. My brothers are 6 and 7 yrs. old and and new generation and I want them to know that they are more that just african and help them understand why they do not resemble most of the kids at sunday school, and to prepare them in the way my parents did not. Please respond if anyone has any feedback.

iwanted to know if saul smith who plays college basketball for the University of kentucky is multiracial? It's for a survey.

I can remember the first time I saw Helena comming out of the principal's office and I wondered to myself what is she? white, black or other. My friends and I was always cruel to her. We would wait for Helena to come to school to began our torment. We would do everything from pull her hair, call her white girl and mutt, to spit on her food, I mean we were cruel.

I went off to College and so did Helena. Suprisingly we would both be attending Temple University (philadelphia). I would see her every day she looking one way and me the giving her cold stares. By the middle of the semester my parents house burned to the ground and as a result my father had an heart attack and died and so did I in so many ways. The friends I knew since, high school were no where to be found and family seamed not to care.

I received a note from someone named H.B. and it read: When we remember a person's spirit we will soar beyond the clouds. This helped me so much with my father passing. When I returned to school the following semester, I searched and searched for H.B. and to my suprise it was Helena, Helena Bouvie. I immediately thanked her and apologized for my cruelty, but she did not want to hear it, she just looked at me with those warm and caring eyes and said, "It's all in the pass". For the first time since high school I really saw Helena.

It has been fifteen years and three children since Helena and I became best friends. She was my matron of honor at my wedding and my children's God mother. I can't believe that I wasted so much time on her color. Instead I waited two years before we start sharing great times, dreams, drinks, vacations and each other lives.

Not until two months ago, Helana revealed to me that she was neither black or white she is Samoian.

I am interested in hearing about interacial couples traveling abroad. I as a single white male I have traveled in europe egypt etc. but have come to wonder about travelling with my black girlfriend. She wants to go to Ireland very badly. Her parents are concerned about it. I never thought about the problems of travelling until now Anyone have any comments?? Where have people experienced trouble or had a particularly good experience??? what about Ireland in particular??

I am looking for an article written by Kelly Murphy. I have searched this website for hours and have not been able to find it. I read her letter on this site about a year ago. If anyone knows where I might be able to find it please let me know. Thank you.

(Moderator's Note:  Kelly Murphy is a member of the My Shoes support group.  She has a personal story posted in the Personal Stories section of the web site.)

Hi everybody! My name is Hope and I am a bi-racial woman living in the San Fransisco/Bay Area.Does anyone know of any support groups which get together on a regular or nonregular basis in my area? Thanks.

Hi I am Greek/mexican I am interested to know where I can find information on bi-racial/ bicultural issues facing Greek Americans. All suggestions and thoughts appreciated.

I share an office with a black lady whom I admire greatly. She and I have, on occasion, had discussions about racism. I am white, age 31. She is age 30. I get the distinct feeling that she, like me, has very few female friends near her age. We, in my opinion, have much in common, and we do have lots of fun working together. My question/comment is with regard to overcoming some of the obvious barriers that we have faced. For example, I learn that most things that happen which she feels are "not right" are attributed to her race (by her). It hurts me to know she's feeling that way. She is, to me, a dear friend and I do not like to see her hurt. On the other hand, I do believe that sometimes she may be "perceiving" things that happen as racism when maybe they are not really intended that way. Perceptions are so important. I am sometimes afraid that I may say something that would hurt her or be interpreted as racism when all I really want is to help our friendship grow.

I welcome any comments, advice, or responses.

Thanks so much for sharing all of your stories here.

I am so glad a friend directed me to this site for my sons. I am African-American woman married to an Irish-American man. We have two sons, Miles 2 and Kevin 4. We just moved from California where Kevin was enrolled in a Montesorri school. There, Kevin was among many biracial students, so he never questioned how he looks compared to his peers. Now we live in Brooklyn in a heavily West Indian neighborhood. The kids attend a private school that is almost 100% children of West-Indians descent. My kids are the diversity in the school. Last night Miles came home from pre-school saying that he is White and the other kids are Black. He also mentioned that a light-skinned African-American child is also White. Now in our house, we never use such terms. We say that Mommy is chocolate brown and Daddy is pink and the kids are different shades of beige. My kids look Mediterranean in color. I have called the school and talked with the principal about this issue. She says that they don't use such terminology either, so I guess it is coming from the other kids. I will send to the school a book that we read, "The Color of Us' which points out that people come in many colors. I just want to hear from biracial adults and youths about how else we can handle this. Since I am not biracial I would love your take on our scenario. Thanks for your input.

It is often said that our country has become increasingly "tolerant" of interracial couples. However, one is "tolerant" of something when he or she does not believe that something is right or agree with it but chooses not to impose on it. There are a great number of so called "tolerant" people who are still reluctant to regard interracial relationships as lasting, loving and valid. Instead, when an individual is in an interracial relationship they are sometimes regarded as "rebels" that want to make a political statement or simply going through a "stage". I am an artist and want to do a piece dealing with this issue. I am looking for a photograph of an elderly interracial couple (between black and white and preferably kissing or some other act of benevolence). I have looked at the various website listings under "photographs elderly interracial couples" and found a series of porno sites. This affirmed our society's conception of interracial couples as ephemeral and taboo. By showing an elderly interracial couple I would be denouncing this and hopefully sending a valuable message. I realize that photographs of elderly interracial couples are difficult to find, but it would be GREATLY appreciated.

regardless of you call you cal youreself be proud but remember we are people none of us did not create our self the labels we put on our selves are just socital bio diversity knows no bounds the coulours we have today are not going any where and if someone find it a problem thats his problem racial mixture is the norm of life with in human biology there is no pure race . Pure race is asocital construct set up to devide us from our common humanity .be content with what you and leave the world and it problem alone.

Hi I am Casandra a 27 years old English woman living in
London. My father is a english blooded and my mom is
from the island of malta. When I when to school in north
london, many of my classmates hated me because they see
me as an intruder of english culture since i was very much
close to my mom and picked up many of her Malteese
habits in food and language and way of dressing and
talking. i was lost and confused because in a way I am
english and I do not really feel it since my dad was not
really there for me.things changed when i when to collegue
and meet my long time current boyfriend who is himself
half english half french. we had a rocky relationship but
ended up getting closer and closer. what i want to say here
is race is not important, the way you dress or talk is not
important what is important is the heart. you can be of any
nationality and you can be kind to others and to your soul.
God bless and hope this might help any one in my case. Do
not loose hope, there is always a way out. The real way
out is to keep your believe in god and in your self.

Hello! I came across this website while surfing the net. I am happy that i discovered this inpressive & interesting site. I'm sure i'll be back to visit again in the near future!The people & the stories here are impressive!I am proud of my heritage also.I'm proud to say that i am a member of the Human race! And i can relate to any & all people,regardless of what nationality etc.that one maybe of."I am what i am". & when someone askes me what i am.My reply, is "I am human just like you...That i breathe the same air & bleed as any human does". I don't need to prove myself to anyone! Because i was taught to be proud of whatever, God made me as.I'm proud to say that I'm not confused about what i am or anything else for as that matters.I was put here on this Earth for a special reason.Just as all humans are put upon this Earth for some reason!When you have yet to discovered what that reason maybe, then maybe we all can come to ammends & just accept each other as human.Not based on one's heritage regardless of hair,eyes,complexion...etc.It doesn't matter where ever you may go rather it's the USA or another region of the world.We all go through the same trials & tribulations of life as being human.I hope one day we all can celebrate life's lesson of just being Human! That being of learning to live & learn. After all God only gave us one life...the lesson i've learned from my experience of living & just being human."Celebrate the miracle of being human & alive".And i don't dwell on the negative forces that surroud me! I instead strive to the beat of the postive changes i have in my life.And that one postive force is God himself!;-)Peace, you can find more about me at my website http://www.home.earthlink.net/~nicangel007

From reading many of the stories on this website I am thoroughly amazed at how everyone has become so strong and independant rejecting others views of you. But I have a question to ask. This being january 2001 people who have a multi-cultural heritage are making it known more now than ever. Being reared in the south I encountered many people who either appeared distinctly "whiter" or more ethnic than the general norms of that "racial" group. My family has a very uncommon surname in my county. There is another family of persons with this last name but they are of a different "race" category. My general assumption was that their family owned my family during that "unmentionable" time in history. My mother later informed me that my great-great grandfather and his siblings were multi-cultural, not fitting into any "racial" category(their father being a European immigrant). The family lived in isolation near this cementary. When the children got older they made seperate decisions, some deciding to move to the north, while others assumed "whiteness" or "blackness". After my mother told me this I ended up in a class with someone with that same last name in high school. The first day of class the teacher(white) made a comment that me and this guy were long lost cousins, the class had jokes for days but we just laughed it off. Later one day we both got to class early(alone)and he asked me a question that took heart. He asked me if I had family that had residence in this old plantation near a cementary. I felt some serious chills but quickly responded "my family is from New York" (which was not completely a lie since my father is from New York). Later I felt very, very depressed about this for two reasons one is up until I was sixteen I identified with being bi-cultural but I didn't want my cousins to know they had a bi-cultural heritage since they catogerized me as African-American based on my appearance.Two, they were proud to consider themselves 100%African since tracing the heritage of my grandmother's (not my grandfather's)family to slave records in South Carolina. If not for my grand-aunt telling my mother and my aunt I would have never known.

Another reason I felt so down was because he was trying to bridge the gap and truthfully he had more to lose than me. He standed to lose his "whiteness", which many Americans cherish. I had friends both white American and African American, his friends were mostly white. And since his family told him where they were from, maybe they wanted to join the families again. I told a friend this at college and she told me that maybe his family did not mention the "race" just the location.I made a decision that may have been a bit bigger than me. I want to know what would you do to remedy this problem(a reunion of sorts) of ancestors in the past that decided to cross the "racial" line and the distinct families that are formed as an result of that division. This is one of the many issues I have concerning "race". Email me if you have some good solutions to this.

I am a published writer in Maryland, working on a book about 'passing'. I am exploring how people do it, why they may feel the need, conflicts, frustrations, coping, how it makes life easier and the secret they carry by the experience. I am seeking people who know such persons or who have passed themselves. All information will be kept confidential. Hope some of you can help me. Thank you so much.

I'm doing a research paper over inter-racial marriages for a college class. I can only use two websites and I have to have at least five different sources. Can you tell me some websites and some sources that I could use??

I'm so happy to be mixed. My father is white and my mother is black. I have extremely thick curly hair and an hour glass figure. If it weren't for my mom, guess what, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I've been through the nonsense of people not wanting to be friends with me because I spoke a certain way or my skin was too light or my hair was too long. Non of this matters because there's nothing wrong with "us", everyone else has the problem. Remember, don't be frightened because you're in a realm of duality. Be yourself and trust me in time you will become more comfortable with being you. I would recomend that all of you read "The Bill of Rights For Racially Mixed People,by Dr.M. Root. You can search for it on the web along with finding that you'll find other information that may pertain to questions you may have. I have this posted on my fridge, it's great! Please contact me if you ever need someone to listen or just write to. I wish you patience, strength, and edurance.

Hi, I am a photographer at the Democrat and Chronicle in Rochester, NY. We are looking for subjects for an upcoming story on the census and the changes this year that allow for people to check more than one box when identifying their race or ethnicity. I am hoping to find a couple in which both adults are bi or multi racial who ideally would also have children. They would need to have checked more than one box on the census form and be willing to be photographed and interviewed in the next few weeks for a story.

If anyone is interested please comtact me at my home email or at work at (716) 258-2639.

Thanks for your help.

I live in Baton Rouge La.I am a 28 year old Single Father my daughter is half Italian and Black.Before her mother and i divorced she always took care of her hair. When i went to wash her hair for the first time i was amazed at how long it was it fell halfway down her back. Great i thaught until i went to comb out all the snarls ect. ect(about an hours worth.) When my daughters hair dried it was about shoulder lenth.While i am very carful about what i put in my hair chemicals ect. I was amazed at what i found in my daughters bathroom. I have been told to throw all that stuff out as her hair will become dependent on it and eventually ruin it. She has very soft textured hair and very curly very pretty as long as you keep it moist. I used some of the leave in conditioner that i use for my hair and it seems to work pretty well as long as i section it out and briad it. I was wondering if anybody had any solutions that may help or will i have to continue washing her hair every other day and keep it constantly braided.

Hi, may name is Lanya. I am actually writing in regard to my daughter. Let me give you a little background first: I am a biracial female resulting from a marriage of seven years of a white female and a black male. My father left when I was 4 and my mother was left to raise me by herself with no help from him in a predominately white , well lets be honest all white except for me and the barbers family of 4. i am now married to a wonderful man who is white, and also my second white husband. We have been blessed with a beautiful daughter who is now 3 years old. she has strawberry to blond hair depending on the season and beautiful blue eyes (theese as well as skin tone inhereted from my mother).This child is loved and adored enough for ten children and at the moment seems well adjusted. She is attending a half day of pre school four days a week. If anyone can give advice ar help in this situation it would be appreciated more as a preventive and preparatory way than a problematic one.

As a black medium complexion female living in Toronto, I'm finding it very hard to find a black man of substance. I have may black male friends who have stated that black women are very difficult and are very RUDE. I just can't understand this logic, because as I see it their black women gave birth to these black men. Now as for myself I find that a lot of men are not willing to give me a chance however when I am out with my white friend/boyfriend, everybody has something to say...Even though the public would have us believe that we are all the same we are not. Maybe the problem is me as I was growing up I was called darkie, black sabbath, jungle monkey etc... so as I got older I became more angry, and then I decided to STOP dating BLACK MEN altogether. What's good for the goose I not good for the gander, I gave birth to my little girl for years ago, and I tell you now that I do not want her to date ANY type of black male as they are nooo good. But I can't blame them as we were all thouth that the lighter you are the better and pretier you are. Often when people see me and my daughter they always stare as she looks very white. I wish I could say that there are a lot of great black men out there but there isn't.

I am a black female who' involved in an interracial relationship. My daughter is 4yrs old, when she was first born I got a lot of stares as people were baffled as to how a dark female could have a white child. My daughter now relizes that she is of mixed heritage and will often say that she is "yellow", daddy is "white" and mommy is "dark"... however I feel she does "feel" black. I still get the stares and the confused looks and sometime I even get the odd rude comment mostly from other "black" females as they think that I have snubbed black men. I've had one female even tell me point blank that I must feel that my child must look better that her because of her hair and complexion...I tried to explain my point of view but to no avail, my daughter is aware of her racial backgroung. I feel that the way of children feel about themselves as they grow older is a reflection of how we raised them when they were young... I also gave birth to another child a little boy who has blonde hair and green eyes a few months ago I know things will be hard that's life however hopefully I would have given my children the tools to handle all the hurdles that life has to offer...

I checked the Native American(non Pacific Islander) box. Because truthfully, I find it to be outdated and unnecessary. As an American from the African Diaspora, it becomes increasingly difficult to catorgorize myself in any one offered category which I am sure many of you can identify. I have been informed that whichever box you check determines how much federal funds are distributed to that cultural group. And if more than one box is checked that it is seen as as invalid and ignored.So I decided to mark the Native American box, because they could use those funds much more than me. This maybe a bit misleading but it is in deed foolish to make someone an "invalid" simply because they come from more than one culture.

hi my name is kerri beckley .and i got a few things i already have
2 biracial children and i just had another one.but the last child i
had looks very white and i dont know why. my husband told me if she comes out white that we are getting a divorce. how can i tell if she is mixed . because i dont want to loose my husband ilove him very much. isit here and cry every night cause more and more she looks white . but she has pitch black hair. please someone help me im begging someone to help me.

I thanked God when, on accident, I found this site. This story, my life, is quite unusual in so many ways and upon reflection of this life I felt like a total fraud. I was born in Harlem, New York but reared in a small county in Georgia. I was born with an Indian yellow complexion, wavy hair and hazel-green colored eyes; the keyword is born. My mother constantly reminds me of how she viewed me as "the most beautifully mixed child she had ever saw", her words not mine. That so-called "mixed-look" was completely gone by the time I became three. And what I mean by gone is that my hair went from wavy, to curly, and than to kinky. My complexion darkened to that of the average brown complexioned African-American male. And those pretty eyes became light brown leaving my mother slightly warped which was, unintentionally, imposed upon me. Any compliments I received from anyone as a child, my mother quickly discounted always reminding people how "mixed" I appeared when I was born. I must note now that my mother after having me returned to her hometown to marry her ex-boyfriend(he is not my biological father but did adopt and raise me)who is a very blue black complexion; my mother is an brown complexioned frican-American. Because my mother always reminded me how I appeared so "half-white" when I was born, I in turn with a child's yearning for acceptance from his mother, convinced myself I was still that bi-cultural infant(whos' picture my mother still carries in her wallet today). I look about as bi-cultural as Denzel Washington did in the movie "Carbon Copy", yet when classmates questioned me as to the where abouts of my biological father, my elementary school response was "I don't know but he's white". And in response to my answer I would get this strange look as if they were thinking "you're out of your mind". Growing up I dealt with some of the same issues many bi-cultural persons had to handle (although my reason was psychological not physical). My older Step-sister( a very popular tom-boy) taught me how to fight and fought for me and won many times.My older step-brother was one of the most popular guys in the neighborhood( who along with the whole football team dated outside their "race"), so many kids wanted to be my friend, just to be his friend. What also helped me was in middle school I became the class clown from which garnered for me my own friends(not my brother's rejects) African-American and caucasian. In high School the issue of dating was handled by going out with the females who asked me(this was the best benefit of having popular older siblings). I only dated one caucasian female briefly and the rest were bi-cultural or at least had that appearance(I never ask females their background since at the time I didn't know my own). After being unable to cope with my fathers mental abuse and illicit racist comments, I concocted a strategy to reunite with my biological father in New York. At this point my mother finally allowed him to contact me. To make a long story short, I ran away from home and met my biological father at age 16. And I was glad to meet him but that night it dawned on me he looks like me ( the way I do now, not the way I did when I was born)and he's not caucasian. I had to face the fact that not only am I not bi-cultural but also(to my mothers great disappointment)I don't even look the part. For the past seven years I have buried myself in myself doing many school activities; going from "class clown" to "class nerd". I am now a 23-yr old full time student in college in NYC and work two jobs( I know it makes me tired just to think about it). I have grown to a spiritual level where I am now ready to handle these "racial issues" I have inside and how living a lie makes one's life at first seem worthless but in truth is quite the opposite. If anyone out there would like to email me with comments or questions about my bizarre experience,or talk about their own, I welcome it. And also I don't look like Denzel but I have been told that I have Lenny Kravitz's ears (yea I know it's corny).

October through December, 2000

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