Adult Letters

January through March, 2000

My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.

This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!

To send your questions or comments press 

Letters:.

Name: Jennifer Lim, axisazn@yahoo.com
Subject: Eurasian Website

Firstly, I would like to thank the webmaster for such a supportive and postive site. I have visited numerous times over the last year and really appreciate the work and time gone into My Shoes.

I am also mixed; Anglo Australian/Singapore Chinese. There are not so many Eurasians of my age in Australia, but the numbers are rapidly increasing for the younger generation. I am not that old, by the way. 24!

I have often faced inquisitive/intrusive questions about my ethnic background, but most of the time people just think I am Anglo. Some days it really bothers me, other days I try not to let it get to me too much. But I does irritate me when people come out and say 'But you don't look Chinese...'.

In conjuction with a Eurasian Society I am setting up at the Australian National University, I am also about to launch a Eurasian website. It will have articles, photos, a discussion board and so on. The url is: axis.anu.edu.au and it will be launched in June, 2000. I encourage interested people to contact me.

My fiance is Japanese/Chinese and we are very pleased that we might be able to understand the multiracial identity of our kids a little more than our parents have!

Best wishes to everyone on this site.

I was wondering why your support group is geared towards biracial people that have a "white appearance?" I am a biracial woman in my mid-twenties and I don't have a white appearance, but I am sure that I have just as many issues with my heritage as you do. Your group should include all people of biracial heritage!

(Moderators Note: It is believed that we have additional issues as a result of our white appearance.  There are other web sites that deal with the issue of being biracial.  See links on the My Shoes Buletin Board to find some of those sites.)

Re Crystal's questions about people niggling to know her heritage.

If total strangers ask me about my heritage, I sometimes say "You first!" or if they are totally out of line and it won't damage my future, I say "I don't think it's necessary for you to know that."

As well as being a white-looking mixed heritage person I have a middle-European surname, so I get asked about my roots more on account of that.

I agree with Lisa that it's a different matter once you have an established relationship with someone, but I still usually ask the other person to talk about their heritage first. It's often the first time many whites have stopped to think about their heritage - some don't even seem to notice they have one!

(Moderator's Note: To read Crystal's submission, select "Crystal's questions"  above and scroll down to 10/5/99.)

I grew up in a mostly black area. I was told to always be polite to all people. My Mother and Father taught me the walk of Jesus and His Love. Although they told me never to mix in dateing or marriage. I am 47 years old, now. My two daughters have seven mixed (Black and White) children, out of wedlock. I Love my Grandchildren, a whole bunch. I had been raped by two black men; but over came the anger of this,because I believe we should forgive and not hate. I was mad for awhile at my daughters because they where not married and the fathers of my Grandchildren were drug dealers. Why does my daughters and grandchildrenn have to go through this? I fought off the abusive fathers, I tried to talk first, but it did not work. I Love everyone in this world. I have been told several times I hated Black, I do not hate anyone. I am just protecting my daughters and grandchildren. What can I do But Pray and Trust My God. Do you know if there is a group I can talk with?

Why are we always having to prove our importance to everyong. They say why in it that we alway have the cructch of always turning to race when something is whrong. They rather not be reminded of what they caused ? or is it the guilt that is bothering them.

Name: Carrie, carrieduong@hotmail.com
Subject: What I can mark on a an ethnicity box as a mixed raced individual?

I am a mixed race individual of Vietnamese, Japanese and African American descent. My mother is Vietnamese and my biological father is half African American and half Japanese. Physically, I don't appear asian nor african. I guess I look hispanic. I was just wondering if I could legally check the African American box on ethnicity questions even though I am only a quarter African American?

Name: Staci, pepita1234@yahoo.com
Subject: Chat room

I think that it would be a good idea if someone would start a chat room for this web site. I always feel more comfortable writing back and forth to everyone rather than writing a message on a bulletin board that no one will answer back right away.

(Moderator's Note:  Please send an email to me if you would like to volunteer. )

Name: Leilani Shabazz, ishabazz@altavista.com
Subject: What's This All About

Hello, anyone who is out there that is willing to respond to my comment. I don't really understand what the big deal is. The reason for this is that my experience has not been like everyone elses I've read on this site. I am of mixed heritage and I look black. All my life, having a white mother, growing up in a black community was a source of shame. It wasn't ok to have a white mother. Especially since I look more black than I do white, although I am light-skinned, I have black features including my hair. I got teased alot as a child and was called all the names that I've seen here in this site. What I'm trying to understand is - Is this website only for people of mixed heritage that look white? If so, why the exclusion? Are the members here wanting to blend into the dominant culture? If so, why? Is this continued race classification, that was invented by colonial whites that settled around the world, still necessary? If so, why? What do you see as the benefits of being called bi-racial? Is there some new category for people like us on the census this year? Why is it necessary for us to continue to classify people by race? Any takers? I sure would like to hear what anyone has to say.

(Moderator's Note:  The purpose of My Shoes is to provide an arena for support and understanding of the unique experiences of multiracial individuals who have a physical and/or behavioral white appearance.)

Name: Genevieve Marshall, genevieve.marshall@mcall.com
Subject: need interview subjects for newspaper story
Date: 3/30/00

I'm a reporter at The Morning Call in Allentown, Pa. looking for bi- or multi- racial individuals from our circulation area (Lehigh, Northampton, Bucks, Monroe, Montgomery, Carbon and Schuylkill counties in Pennsylvania) to interview for a story about the U.S. Census.

If you know of anyone in my area that would be a good source, and could direct me to a local family or a local multi-ethnic advocacy organization, please contact me ASAP at the above e-mail address or at genmarshall@hotmail.com.

Any help would be much appreciated.

Name: Tina Huffman, friendly26@ivillage.com
Subject: Help! How do I make my son feel like he's just as good as        everyone else.
Date: 3/24/00

Hi, I am a mother of a six year old bi-racial son. I had "friends" tell me it would be easier to give him up and easier for him to be with black parents and easier for me to get married, etc. Except I feel that the most important things for a child are to be loved and accepted. I want my son to grow up to be an honest rightious man. To be smart, educated, to respect his elders, woman, etc. I want him to be as christ-like as he can be. He is only in first grade and already he's had racist remarks made to him. I am white and so is my husband and our two babys. He had a little boy call him a black man at school. My husband and I told him thats not a bad thing its a good thing as he cried in my arms. I just dont get it-so what if your black, white, came from timbukto, we are all gods children and equal. I couldnt love my son more if he was white than I do now. He could be polka dotted and pinstriped. I dont care because my heart doesnt see his color. So what do I say to keep his self esteem from being crushed by other peoples stupidity. I saw on Jerry Springer (which I am ashamed to say I sometimes watch)a KUKLUXKLAN member answer a persons question-would you not marry a woman because she has brown eyes. He said well thats just genetics. My husband and I started laughing at his total stupidity-isnt that what color is about-genetics? So, please tell me anyone how do I stop his self-esteem from being extinct-I build it as much as I can. I am sincere when I tell him he's the same as me inside and that he is so important and special. How can I soften some of the blows he will recieve? Please help me.

Name: livin, ShadePlace@go.com
Subject: Is Everything Really Everything
Date: 3/19/00

To who this may concern, i am not bi-racial, but if i look up into my family tree i'll see native american and probably some white faces. This whole bi-racial and multi-racial issue is one that i think needs platforms like this. Honestly being black, i look at everything from the standpoint of a young black male. I am 25 years old and fresh off the Sally Hemmings movie, and thinking about this episode of the pretender, in the episode this girl who was white mother had died, her guardian became this black jazz musian someone she had known all her life, early in the show he is murdered, in the end she finds out the he was her father. The idea of that was intersting to me. We always see and hear about bi-racial people who are physically black or who looks mixed, if there is a mix look being that black people since ancient africa have come in all shades. Getting back to the point, whick is that you never see bi-racial or mixed people who are physically white. Those who look black are quick to mark there white side, but those who look white will cover up any trace of being black, because there will always be somthing wrong with being black. I see white people on t.v. every day that i can tell is mixed in someway, and if they were to deny it, it would be because they really don't know or they want to hide it. So where are you white mixed people, it's easy to know that white people have a distinct look, full lips, almond eyes, full noses, and really thick curly or tightly curly hair isn't native to white people. So, i'm going to leave you some names, i not saying their mixed all i'm saying is that you should take a hard look at them and you may see something. Because my first lesson was a while back, Jeniffer Beals the star of Flash Dace is half black, but you would't know it just from looking at her. so think about these people, it's just a list of a few.

Heather Locklear / just look at her

Pamela Anderson / she's from canada, they've been mixing since the slave would escape the south and for the north, and there is a large population of people with some sort of mix,(nose and Lips)

Britney Spears /i'm from louisiana, there's a history of mixing here, i don't know about you, i never saw one white person with the last name spears. but i know tons of black people with the name. Besides that, just check out the way she's built.(and if you see this Brit, you need to ask Mysitkal or Lil Wayne to do a verse for you)

Mandy Moore / if you painted her brown she would be black, actually she would look like ananda from mtv, next time they're on together to a hard look.

so that is just something to chew on. But overall i do think people are people and you should be with who you want, and mixing the races is definitely good for this country that has thrived for so long on racial hatred. the girl that plays michelle on a guiding light any one want to hit me up to give me a peace of your mind do so, i'll reply as soon as i can. And to the pretty ladies on my list, i hope that that isn't someting that would make you mad but someting that would cause you to research your family tree and history

Name: Michelle Williams, michellewilli77@hotmail.com
Subject: My three childern...
Date: 3/19/00

`I am not biracial but I have three beautiful childern that are. I was looking for a web site or someone that could help me with questions that my childern have. My oldest chil is 5 and 1/2 she looks somthing like Mariah she recently told me she didn't want to play with all those black kids I thought at the age of five she shouldn't even realize what color was she did. I explained to her she was all mixed up with black and white I asked her what color her daddy was she said brown I am confused myself I can imagine how she feels. All my childern look white I am not shure how to handle the questions that they have.

Name: Jamil, email address not given
Subject: I have the answer
Date: 3/16/00

ok people i have the answer for all of you. first of all i live in central america my father is palestinian and my mother has some arab blood some spanish blood and a bit of hispanic on her. ok i know that all of you say i dont care i dont belong but its not true humans need to belong. and the only answer is : the mayority of blood that you have thats what you are ok simple ...remember there is no pure race the world no pure race ok. my cousin is 100% palestinian an he has blue eyes and blond hair and he is white i look arabic i am mostly arabic then ...all together yes i am arabic

simple! :)

Name: Leslie Grinner, lesgrin07@hotmail.com
Subject: Master's Thesis -- Looking for Participants to send me narratives
Date: 3/15/00

Hello Good People!

My name is Leslie Grinner and I am a graduate student at Syracuse University. Currently I am working on my Master's Thesis in Child & Family Studies, and I am researching the ways in which women who are the products of a Black/white interracial union have been socialized around issues of race and racism. All information received and used is confidential and will be destroyed upon completion of my thesis. Specifically, I have a survey that each participant would complete, a consent form, and I would then ask that each participant write a narrative with a few questions to guide you. Participation is voluntary and unpaid. As a Black/ white biracial woman myself, this research is near and dear to me. I look forward to hearing from any interested women!!

Name: terry, teppu2@hotmail.com
Subject: identity of our children
Date: 3/6/00

This is more of a call for advice than a comment. But I have one burning question. When a mixed race relationship breaks up who should have the custody of the mixed race children? Would the answer differ if the white half of such a relationship then goes white, i.e. gets a white partner? Further, would the answer differ again if the child was closer to the black parent as opposed to the white? Finally, what if the white parent had hereforward rejected black culture as something to be respected? I would be most grateful if anyone can advise me as to the answers of these questions.

Name: Suzanne Shack, Shackin500@aol.com
Subject: Do you believe there is such a thing as "White Privledge"?
Date: 3/5/00

I am in a race/ethnicity class in college and we are currently talking about "White Privledge". Nobody in my class knows that I have black heritage (my grandmother is black), and it doesn't "appear" that anybody else in the class is from colored descent either. I have been treated as though I am white my entire life because looking at me, you would never know. When people see a picture of my grandmother they are usually pretty shocked. I guess I am curious if anybody has ever felt uneasy going places because of their color. I guess I feel more akward going places that are predominently black, like certain bars for instance, because I don't look as though I have black in me at all. Has anybody else had any problems?

Name: Judi, Wsok74@aol.com
Subject: My Kids
Date: 3/4/00

Hello to all....

Let me begin by saying I am not biracial. Not in the sense of this web page. My children however, are. I am white, their father is Black.

I have given them the link to your site if they wish to join.

I did this after reading almost every letter within these pages (adults) and reading all of the ones in the Youth Support Group. My kids and I have talked many times about their feelings concerning their "identity". They have been raised to recognize people as people, first and foremost.

In describing an individual I taught them from an early age to use all manners of description first....then, if they wished, they could use chinese, black, white, etc..

As they have grown, Erik is 21 and Kate is almost 15, they use whatever they feel comfortable saying. As expected, society views them first as Black, or Black with a lil summin summin that others aren't quite sure of. LOL..

They are both well rounded young adults. I feel God blessed me a great deal. I have had the usual parents confrontations with trying to "spread their wings", but nothing of a serious nature. (Drugs,Drinking,Promiscuity) etc..and I am so thankful to God for this.

Their father and I were married for 15 yrs. We've been divorced for 10. I never remarried, he has but is now divorced again. You will never find a better man with more character and integrity. I have the utmost respect for him. Unfortunately, things just didn't work out. We are always in contact, live in the same town, and both love our children a great deal. (And no reconciliation is not in the picture) This is just a way of saying you can get along after divorce, and that you can be an interracial couple and not have that have anything to do with your reason for divorcing.

I was born and raised for the most part in Rural Georgia, outside of Savannah. Something that is hard to explain to most is the melding of the black/white culture for me, since most people have trouble getting past the image of a "Southern White". Our two cultures, while constantly seeming to clash, have never been apart. Our actions, words, foods, all have melded together. This to me, while having its disadvantages, also has its advantages.

I moved to California (Northern) through a fluke, when I became pregnant with Erik. I told my husband, at the time, due to things said and learned through my Black female friends, that I did not want my children to be raised in GA. I wanted them to know what it was like to grow up as a person first...not as that lil black boy/girl. It was hard to leave my family. As I get older (now 45, we've lived here 22 yrs) it is even harder. But something I truly felt was necessary. In retrospect, I'm not sure. But I know my children did grow up the way I had hoped they could. They have had a few moments of racism, but none that were enough, so they have told me, to really bother them.

I'm proud of my children, and I've never regretted being part of an interracial family. Perhaps because I think of us as a Family, not an interracial one. Just like I think of them as my kids, not my half this or that. We know what and who we are, and we know it is valid in our lives and society, its just not our first priority of thought.

Enough about us...I love this site.

It is very positive and a great forum. And perhaps one my kids my come to join. After all....being their Mom is one thing, but I can never step into "Their Shoes".

Thanks for listening....

Name: Dr. Kelley Kenney, kenney@ptd.net
Subject: Benefits of the group

I am a colleague of Dr. Brooks and will be doing a program on website support options for the multiracial population at the annual World Conference of the American Counseling Association. This site is one of the most organized websites we've seen and we know that it is the only one hosted by a professional in our field. We are seeking testimony from group/site members regarding the effectiveness of and/or benefits of being a member of this site. We feel that it is important to the awareness and understanding of professionals in the counseling and psychology field who may work with multiracial individuals. Your help and honesty will be greatly appreciated.

October through December, 1999

April through June, 2000

Adult Support Group.

Discussion Group.

Bulletin Board.

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