Adult
Letters
January through March, 1998
My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.
Adult
Letters
January through March, 1998
My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.
This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!
To send your questions or comments press 
Letters:.
Name: Cheryl Hosten, hosts@pop.erols.com
Subject: Racism's effect on the self-esteem of biracial children
Date: 3/25/98
I am a social work major at Bowie State University writing a research paper on the above topic. I am specifically seeking children of African-American and Caucasian parentage between the ages of18-30 to answer an anonymous questionnaire which takes approximately 10 minutes. Your participation will be greatly appreciated. I can be contacted via e-mail at hosts@pop.erols.com Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
Name: scott, sstrickler@cctr.umkc.edu
Date: 3/23/98
Subject: biracial families
Hi, I am a freshmen at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, and am involved in some research for my Sociology class. I was wondering if there was someone out there that would be willing to answer a few questions about what it's like being of mixed races. Please e-mail me if you could find the time. Thank you.
Name: Jennifer, luv@bestweb.net
Subject: Interracial Children
Date: 3/22/98
Hello.. I'm a White American girl marrying a black/hispanic man. He's actually Dominican. After finding this page, I am really scared and confused. It seems most of what I read are negative experiences. I hope to one day have children with my future husband, but am now thinking that it would be greedy for me to do such a thing. I woould never want to put my children through what I have read hre. I love children and want my own children, but if it's gonna be hell for them, I'd rather not be so greedy. My fiance has a son who is 100% dominican, so I guess he won't have as much of the identity crisis as read here. Other than haveing a "White" mom. I would like any feedback on this topic. I would rather find out now, before I do get pregnant fotr then it will be too late. Please tell me your opinion. Thanks so much!! Jen-NY
Name: Henry Norcom, HNORC@AOL.COM
Date: 3/14/98
Subject: My private thank you
Dr. Brooks, I wanted to thank you for starting this discussion group. I found it this past week, and must tell you when I first saw it, I was overcome with emotion. I stayed up until 3:00 AM reading all of the letters and backgrounds. It feels so good to be able to freely discuss myself without getting an ignorant or nasty comment. I have always felt that those of us with our physical characteristics are somehow made to feel incomplete as human beings. I like the way I look. I want to marry a woman who looks like me and has shared the same experiences as I have. This sight makes me free to say so! I have five brothers and sisters whom I have already started telling about this sight. I also know a few people at school who may be very interested in this sight. The sad thing is, is that I have to tell them discreetly, otherwise the "You think you are better than us!" calls will come out. Once again thank you.
Name: Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com
Date: 3/10/98
Subject: CrisTina Sierra-Mundo
CrisTina, I have posted your personal story but your email address was incomplete. I would appreciate it if you would give to me an email address where you can be contacted. If you would prefer that the address be withheld fom the public, I will honor that request. To reach me click your mouse on my email address above (not my name).
Name: Kendra Felton, feltonk@csmc.edu
Subject: A black/white biracial identity
Date: 3/3/98
I am a biracial college student and for one of my sociology classes I felt it would be interesting to do a report on the biracial identity. I am interested in finding some references for material on biracial identity. I am looking for information for a research paper on the biracial identity and how one's experience as a biracial individual may effect how they identify themselves. If anyone has any useful info please e-mail me asap. My paper is due March 19th. Also if anyone is willing to be interviewed I would greatly appreciate your time.
Name: Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com
Date: 2/28/98
Subject: Tasher Wilker
Tasher, I have posted your personal story but your email address was incomplete. I would appreciate it if you would give to me an email address where you can be contacted. If you would prefer that the address be withheld fom the public, I will honor that request. To reach me click your mouse on my email address above (not my name).
Name: alisa, guava.man@worldnet.att.net
Subject: Dealing with being biracial
Date: 2/28/98
I remember when I was growing up as a teenager I use to ask my mother what nationality I wasI. She would always say that I was "human" and that nationality did not matter. I guess I must of been really confused because to me she looked black but she never admitted to it. And when I would finally get an answer from her she would say she was Portugese and Indian. But never black. Well, this obviously put me through a lot of identity crisis and stress at a young age. From the time I was a kid people would always ask me if I was black or half black, etc . or what my nationality was. And ofcourse I would feel really embarressed and say no and make something up. It was an awful feeling. I feel like I've lived most of my life a lie. And to this day I struggle with it.
Are there any groups in the San Jose, California area that I can attend for people that are biracial and that need support ? I would appreciate some advice.
Thank you, Alisa
Name: Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com
Date: 2/26/98
Subject: Multiracial Identity
Response to Omar Ricks question about Multiracial Identity dated 2/25/98:
All of my life (50 years) I felt different than my black and white peers. Neither group with whom I discussed these feelings could understand them. Both groups discounted my feelings of not belonging. Although I identified myself as being black, it seemed to be somewhat of a lie given that my physical appearance looks white. When the option of identifying as biracial was presented to me almost 3 years ago at the website Interracial Voice, it fit my perception of myself.
There were no specific events that convinced me of this choice. I finally found a comfortable identity. It doesn't matter what other black or white people think of my choice. I know that I am both black and white, i.e., biracial.
Political issues seem to drive nationalistic ideologies. My focus is to be psychologically and emotionally healthy. Identifying as biracial facilitates that process for me.
Name: Omar Ricks, oricks@uiuc.edu
Subject: Multiracial Identity
Date: 2/25/98
Can people taking part in this discussion group pinpoint one or two events in their lives that convinced them that multiracial identity was the way to go? How, for example, have the various nationalistic ideologies which are passed around in Black communities (and, on a sub rosa level, perhaps, in White communities) affected their identity choices?
Thank you, Omar Ricks History Department University of Illinois
Name: Raza, email address held by request
Date: 2-24-98
Subject: White Babies?
I wanted to ask a question, especially after watching The Wedding last night.
Some of my black friends get real quiet on the subject of dating, especially since I prefer caucasian men (italians, to be exact). They accuse me of wanting to have white babies. When I inform them that many black men who approach me are directly or indirectly wanting the same thing, I'm told "that's different" Have you encountered the same problems with the black community?
Name: Nicole Troy, troyn@dolphin.upenn.edu
Date: 2-22-98
Subject: Research Paper
Hi. I am doing a research paper that is tring to say that bi-racial adolecence do not have any harder of a time finding their identity than any other child. This is assuming that they have been apart of a healthy environment that teaches them about both sides of their heritage. I am having a difficult finding evidence for my paper and would appreciate any help that anyone can offer. I myself am a biracial teen, being black and white, and the only evidence that I have is in myself and the biracial teens that I know. Thanks for your time and cooperation. Sincerely, Nikki
Name: JENNIFER ANN BABINEAUX-HARRIS, JHARRIS@BALLSTON.USCG.MIL
Subject: ARE THERE ANY LIKE ME OUT THERE?
Date: 2/11/98
Hi, my name is Jennifer and I am looking for people like myself. My mother is half french (Arcadian) and half spanish/indian from Louisiana. My father is half french and half indian. The languages spoken at home are english, french and spanish. My mother remarried a military man while I was quite young and I spend most of my life living overseas, mostly in southeast asia. there were not very many black people there so most of my friends were caucasian. I grew up on rock music, very little "soul" music. I had a (and still do) very hard time adjusting to living around black people because I was not raised around them. Since I have a very different look, I had an extremly difficult time getting along with black women. I have been accused of acting "too white" and not being a "sister." Are there any more of you out there with similar experiences that we can share with each other? Thanks for letting me vent.
Name: Annette Butler, abutle03@shepherd.wvnet.edu
Subject: Children of interacial unions
Date: 2/9/98
Well, I am a student who is trying to write a paper on the interacial child. Specifically how the child is affected by his/her being of two enthic backgrounds. I also need to suggest some means of supporting/helping these children deal with these issues, such as through the community, the schools... etc. I myself am a product of an interacial marriage and have had a difficult time dealing with it. I am just know getting a grip on who I am, where I belong, where I am going. The reseach findings I have come upon are outdated even though they were conducted mostly in the 1980's. I know that things have changed quite a bit, so I am writing to you to see if you can point me in the right direction for resources or even your own personal situations. Hopefully you will respond soon, as my deadline is fast approaching.
Thanks
Name: Theresa Johnson, johns002@uwp.edu
Subject: I appear to be white because I am
Date: 2/8/98
I have a unique position in the stated mission of this site. I appear to be white because I am. I am a 'white' woman, married to a 'black' man for 18 years now, with two (adopted) 'mixed' kids, ages 8 & 10. I go about my life appearing to be 'white', but I have concerns that can only be had by 'black' people. When I am treated politely by a clerk who was just rude to his/her previous 'black' customer, this is a serious concern for me. I cannot ignore it, choosing to hide behind my 'white' privledge; I must take the clerk's actions very personally. When my husband and I are stopped by police officers for the offense of DWB (driving while black) I am considered just as 'black' as my husband; 'black' by proxy. When I am at work and (with the 'black' employees safely out of earshot) my 'white' co-workers make racist comments, I am as deeply offended as if they were talking about me--they ARE talking about me; my children, my husband, and my whole extended family.
These are but a few examples of a consciousness that develops over this many years of walking in both worlds. As I think about how my stories relate to bonafide 'blacks' that look 'white', I am struck once again by how ignorant and foolish the whole falsely contrived notion of 'race' really is. How can one be 'really black but look white'? What does this mean? Does this phrase describe me? Could it be that this is the very way we should ALL feel, vigilent against all racist actions and implications, overt and covert? It would be a step in the right direction if we are to end this insane practice of categorizing people by such arbitrary measures.
I do battle as a 'black' person, and I get a bird's-eye-view of racism that sometimes only 'white-skinned' people get. Isn't it eery that 'whites' regularly assume, by looking at my skin, that I am 'one of them', and that it is OK to espouse their racist opinions to me? I do battle as an undercover agent. I expose them, and it feels good. I find that I have an arena that 'blacks' don't always have. My husband can only wonder and suspect if the way he was treated was due to racism at times, but when I hear the comments 'straight from the horses mouth', they cannot deny their intent, and so I have a clearly defined battle instead of the difficult, 'impossible to prove in a court of law' positions 'blacks' usually face.
I could go on...I could write a book on all of the thoughts and observations I have made in these many years. I will watch this site for more of its fascinating content. Thank you for the arena. face in determining racist intent.
Name: A.D. Powell, powell@danenet.wicip.org
Subject: "White-appearing" Children
Date: 2/8/98
I strongly urge those parents with so-called "white-appearing" children to NOT burden them with the nonsense that they aren’t good enough to call themselves "white." If Americans truly want to progress on "racial" matters, we must drop this nonsense that "white" is synonymous with:
1) racial purity, especially a lack of "black" ancestry 2) a "rejection" of non-white relatives 3) a political statement endorsing racial discrimination
In Latino cultures (which are, by definition, racially mixed), it is considered no big deal for a "mulatto" parent to say that some of his/her kids are "blanco" (white) and some are mulatto. This is no more controversial than saying that someone is blond or brunet. Why can’t Anglo multiracials act like that?
A physical description should not be made into a political statement. A child who calls himself "white" should not be subject to parent guilt-tripping statements such as "You denied me; you don’t love me," etc.
In life your child will encounter many people who call themselves "white" and don’t even look white (especially in the case of many Latinos, Arabs, North Africans, darker Southern Europeans, etc.). Many of these "whites" have little or no European ancestry. He or she will feel like a fool saying that he only "looks" white as dark-skinned, social climbing "whites" sneer at him or her. I might also add that if American "whites" (however that’s defined) were half as gung-ho for white racial "purity" as myth tells us, obviously black-descended Latinos and Arabs who call themselves "white" or otherwise non-black wouldn’t exist.
Isn’t it time to stop treating "white" as a semi-devine status and reduce it to the mere physical description it should be?
Name: Angie, acach@pacbell.net
Subject: parenting a biracial child who looks white
Date: 1/24/98
My son is 4 1/2 years old. He is beginning to understand that there is a difference between his Daddy and Mommy. I am white and my husband is black. My son is very pale complected and has blue eyes and brown hair. People often assume that my son is white. At school, another child came up to my husband and asked him if he was my son's Dad when my husband responded "yes" the child looked at him and said "But you're black". This all happened in front of my son. I'm very concerned in how to prepare my son for the future. And I would appreciate any advice on how to give my son the proper tools to deal with his identity in a healthy way. We have equally exposed him to both black and white culture. Please feel free to email me with any advice. Thank you.
Name: Thandiwe, email addess not given
Subject: Racial identity of our children:
Date: 1/10/98
In Responce to William who wrote:
>My mother is Italian. My father is Black. My first wife was Black and we had a >son who, by appearance, looks Black. My second wife is White. We have a >son who has blue eyes and blond hair. He shows no Black characteristics. I >intend to classify him as White. He is 4 yrs old and I am torn inside worrying >about how other kids will treat him if he is classified as Black. Am I being unfair?
>Isn't it possible that my son has not adopted any of my traits? And if that's true is >it unreasonable to conclude that he is not biracial? I don't think I'm trying to >avoid a difficult choice. I'm more trying to do what is technically correct.
>Any opinions or advice?
I must reply that you have to teach your son the full complexity of his inheritances. What you "classify" him as on a form and what you teach him about his idenity are two seperate issuses.
Checking the box on the form is not longer complex and tramatic for me when I think about all the other ways that stadardized forms can not describe me. I just don't get my idenity hung-up in it.
The real issue in my complex interracial houshold is thinking about how the kids will think about themselves. Our older daughter has blond hair, blue eyes and looks like a bonnie lrish lass, who would have to really struggle to pass for Italian, much less a daughter of Africa.
Nevertheless, we do not teach her that she is white. T I just can't send her off into the world unprepaired for racism in the world. Worrying about whispers that die down when she enters the room?? here are a thousand reasons why but the most important is that being a good parent means rasing people who could parent their own children. What happens if I let her think she is white and she has a child who looks black??
There are no technical standards so don't worry about being "Technicallyl correct".
(Moderators Note: William"s submission to this Discussion Topic was made on May 19, 1997.)
Name: NIKKI, email address not given
Subject: oneness of mankind
Date: 1/7/98
This is a very interesting site. I would just like to invite any one who is a member or just visiting to investigate the Baha'i Faith. ( You can find it online by keyword Baha'i or Baha'i.com.) Baha'is believe in the oneness of mankind, that there is only one race-the human race. ( Race as we know it is a manmade concept.) You will find so many others like your self there. We believe in the elimination of prejudices of all kinds: racial, national, economic, etc. Come and investigate, it might just be what you are looking for..."The lovers of mankind, these are the superior men, know matter what their race or creed may be."..Baha'u'llah. " Ye are the flowers of one garden, the fruits of one tree, the waves of one ocean." " The light of unity is so powerful, it can illumine the whole earth!"............submitted only in love..............NIKKI
Name: CHERESE BEST, S008SCB@DISCOVER.WRIGHT.EDU
Date: 1/2/98
Subject: STATISTICS
I AM IN SEARCH OF ANY STATISTICS THAT ARE RECENT, FORM ABOUT 1990, THAT DISCUSS THE PERCENTAGES OF BIRACIAL PEOPLE IN AMERICA TODAY. ALSO THE PERCENTAGES OF INTERRACVILA RELATIONSHIPS, AND BIRACIAL CHILDREN BEING BORN. I REALIZE THAT THESE STATISTICS WILL NOT BE VERY ACCURATE, BUT ANY AT ALL WILL BE APPRECIATED. IF YOU HAVE ANY STATISTICS THAT COULD BE HELPFUL FOR ME, OR KNOW OF ANY SITES THAT HAVE THE INFO THAT I AM LIOOKING FOR PLEASE E-MAIL ME. THNAKS!