Adult Letters April through June

Adult Letters

April through June, 1997

My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.

This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!

To send your questions or comments press

Letters:

Name: ADT, adt@bellatlantic.net

Subject: My Shoes web site

Date: June 29, 1997

Dr. Brooks,

For the past two months I have been an avid browser of the Interracial Voice web site, and just discovered your My Shoes site today. I must say I'm very impressed with it (and you), because you seem to be trying to bring positiveness to this entire multiracial debate.

I am not multiracial, but I did catch some flak growing up as a light-skinned African American. [I guess there are degrees of this thing!]

I was wondering if you knew anything about A.D. Powell, who frequently contributes to the IV discussion. He [I think it's a he] is an extremely eloquent and informed writer, but his anti-Black diatribes disturb me. I don't know if he's just very angry or what.

Sincerely, ADT

(Moderator's Note: A.D. has responded to my inquires as Angela. You may wish to have some private dialog with her through her email address (see Adult Letters at My Shoes- Nov.-Dec., 1996).)

Name: Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com

Subject: Jeraldo Rivera Show

Date: June 26, 1997

I have just been notified today that a taping that I participated in on interracial dating in late February for the Jeraldo Rivera Talk Show will air on Monday, June 30. Although the topic was changed from biracial issues to interracial dating after I arrived in New York, I attempted to focus on the original topic. I would be interested in your comments and would like to post them at My Shoes. Check your local TV guide for the time and channel in your area.

Site Moderator and Member of My Shoes

Name: Krystal Lamm, azure17@aol.com

Subject: My Shoes

Date: May 29, 1997

I visited your web page and found it helpful in that I could identify with someone. Though I am not of black-white mixed ancestry, I am racially diverse. I can't explain it, but I am very drawn to the whole issue. My boyfriend is a mix passing for black, but my concern goes beyond that.

I have seen that lately, or maybe not lately, everyone is being blinded by "color." Everyone is worried and fretting over race (which one, how much, how little) that they fail to see other important objectives to our time on Earth. Though I don't want to discredit the impact of origin on identity, I do, however, wish that it was not such an extreme issue.

In my experience, I have witnessed the ideas, feelings, and beliefs regarding race and race relations of the fore-generation being imposed on us. I believe that things must turn around somehow, starting with the young. Who better? We still retain optimism and energy that are sometimes lacking in older people, and we beginning the process of developing our outlooks on life.

Maybe I'm a bit naive, but I will not lose my ideals on how the world ought to be. I will not give up trying to make it that way. I'm not saying it will work, or that things will ever change, but how will I ever know unless I try?

Thank you,

Krystal Lamm

Name: Lettie McGuire, netnoir2@netnoir.com

Subject: Hello

Date: May 19, 1997

I have had a similar story myself. I am much younger than you - but have seen & experienced many of the same things. My Mother is Black, Native American & Chinese. My Father is Irish. When they got married in 1959, it was illegal. It became legal when their fourth of five children was born (me)in 1967. .01% of all interracial marriages between Blacks & Whites are between a black woman (or part black) and a white man. The severity of my family's isolation and intensely "different" experience was like something from the deep old south. I grew up in an all white upper-class city with little awareness or understanding of families like mine. Many people don't understand how it could have been so bad - because I grew up mostly in California. My family did not have support from their black or white sides & most members of both either did not know we existed or just ignored us for the first 10 years of my life. I plan to write a book on what my parents went through & my own personal enlightenment from just being who I am. I call myself "mixed" or "biracial" My father & mother are still very much married & in love & I could never deny either their impact & presence in my life. Although I have a choice in which race I can identify with (anywhere from Caucasion (Italian) to Black) I choose to call myself the result of many races & a descendent of Lucy (first skeleton found in Africa) so that others can be proud of this & because this way I can bring knowledge to whites & nonwhites who need to know that we are all just plain human beings & there are good & bad people of every race.

PEACE!-mcgrafx@artwebb.com

Name: William, nyc2@ix.netcom.com
Subject: Response To Racial Classifications on 5/19
Date: 5/19/97

Your points are well taken. But isn't it possible that my son has not adopted any of my traits? And if that's true is it unreasonable to conclude that he is not biracial? I don't think I'm trying to avoid a difficult choice. I'm more trying to do what is technically correct

Name: Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com

Subject: Racial Classifications

Date: May 19, 1997

>My mother is Italian. My father is Black. My first wife was Black and we had a son who, by >appearance, looks Black. My second wife is White. We have a son who has blue eyes and >blond hair. He shows no Black characteristics. I intend to classify him as White. He is 4 yrs old >and I am torn inside worrying about how other kids will treat him if he is classified as Black. Am >I being unfair? Any opinions or advice?

___________

For me, I classify myself as biracial. On forms I check the other category, the black category, and the white category and draw arrows from other to the black and white categories. If I did anything else I would be denying part of who I am, and perhaps would be saying to the public that I am ashamed of the part of me that I am denying.

I think that it is important to teach your son about all of his heritage. It will be HIS CHOICE when he is older to determine whether or not he wishes to identify more with any one part. Best wishes with the difficult task of child rearing.

Name: William, nyc2@ix.netcom.com
Subject: Black? White? Neither?
Date: 5/17/97

My mother is Italian. My father is Black. My first wife was Black and we had a son who, by appearance, looks Black. My second wife is White. We have a son who has blue eyes and blond hair. He shows no Black characteristics. I intend to classify him as White. He is 4 yrs old and I am torn inside worrying about how other kids will treat him if he is classified as Black. Am I being unfair? Any opinions or advice?

Name: 007, Withheld by request
Subject: Hate Mail
Date: 5/16/97

Dr. Brooks,

Although it has been awhile since I participated in this group, I have been receiving hate mail from readers of (I assume) this site and Interracial Voice.

The perpetrator used my published e-mail address and has been sending ignorant yet irritating e-mails to me. If it isn't too much trouble, I would appreciate it if you could simply delete any postings I may have offered. It simply isn't worth the crap I've been getting.

I forwarded some of the e-mail to Charles Byrd for posting on IV. I'm ending any on-line associations at this time because I get enough harassment off-line. I realize that a lot of it has to do with the way I present myself; if I present myself as someone who has racial ambiguity and some insecurity about said ambiguity, then people pick up on that vibe and act accordingly.

Having the ability to anonymously post my feelings and struggles has been enormously helpful in my own self-discovery and in accepting who I am. It has also enlightened me to the fact that I internalized the ignorant and hateful remarks made by other people, and learned to value myself less because of those remarks (i.e. if this many people say something is wrong with me, then they must be right).

Again, I appreciate your assistance in this matter.

007

(Moderator's Note: I will absolutely honor your wishes, however, please consider the following alternative. Rather than deleting your postings, if your email address is removed (completed on all previously postings) you will not receive unwanted responses. By doing this you can continue to gain the benefits of expressing your unedited thoughts and feelings without being bothered by hecklers. I truly believe that you have a lot to offer to and receive from others. After all, My Shoes is a support group. I await your response.)

Name: David Tatgenhorst, tathorst@zola.trend1.com
Subject: bi-racial adoption
Date: 5/5/97

This web-site is a joy to find. Just in the way it is set up it helps to clarify what some of the questions are for my wife and I in our adoption of Elijah. Elijah is 22 months old now and he is a delightful little guy. We brought him home (from Pittsburgh to Philly) when he was less than 2 days old. His birth- mother is bi-racial, African-American and Irish and his birth-father is European-American, Swedish, & German. Catherine and I are both white. Elijah has red hair, gray eyes and fairer skin than either of us. When we adopted we had some qualms about adopting bi-racially because of our growing understanding of our black friends' uneasiness with people of color being raised by white families without a full knowledge of their identity. We were, and are, a part of a church support group helping and challenging each other to combat racism in ourselves and in our lives. Having Elijah look white was kind of a surprise and seems to mute some of the issues that we had been so prepared to tackle. But we are still committed to raising Elijah with a clear understanding of his heritage and who he is. It's not easy. Mostly our families would like to ignore the issue. We recently had a chance to adopt a second child, though, and my father's first question was 'Oh is it a white child? or mulatto?' And I was reminded how much race is on people's minds even when they don't usually say it. We are lucky to be part of a community where people are trying to learn about racism and recognize racism as not just an issue in our lives, but as a way of life. We are hoping that our lives can be part of dismantling this way of life that diminishes us all.

Name: Kay Ray, kray@ican.net
Subject: I love your web site
Date: 29 Apr 1997

Interracial voice picked up a short piece I wrote last year on being mixed and 'looking white", and in response to that piece I received many interesting e-mail's from mixed race people throughout Canada and the U.S.

I am currently writing a paper for my doctoral course work on the topic of "passing" and I found the comments at this site to be most helpful and throught provoking.

When I have finished this current piece of work I hope to join into some of your discussions!

bye for now

Kay

Name: Julie, Psalm73@aol.com

Subject: Adoption

Date: 23 April, 1997

My husband and I are planning to adopt because we want to raise children, yet we are dealing with infertility. We are caucasian. If you know about adoption, you know we have to "choose the type of child" that we feel prepared to parent. My husband and I have been exploring our potential abilities to parent a child of some other race/ethnicity other than 100% white.

I guess when the typical person of any race plans to conceive a child, that person plans to have a (hopefully) healthy baby that matches their racial makeup. So, it takes some research and education for us to figure out if we are prepared to adopt transracially. I realize that personal relationships with role models of the child's race are important to the child's healthy development. I also realize that exposing them to their cultural backgrounds through education and other experiences is important too. Do any of you who are reading this have any advice for us? I guess I keep asking myself, "Will we be good enough parents for this child?" and "How will we know if we are prepared to parent this child?"

The reason I am posting here on a page about being biracial is that there is a decent chance that if we adopt transracially, the child would be biracial and that combination would be black/white. The reason being that in our area there happen to be a number of birthmothers who are conceiving black/white babies. We need all the advice we can get....we would have adoption issues, biracial issues, and the fact that we adopted transracially (meaning as adoptive parents we would not racially match our child exactly) to be prepared for. Thanks for your thoughts

Name: Eleonore Dennis, eldennis@ionet.net

Subject: Great Job!!

Date: 20 April, 1997

Dr. Brooks, I really enjoyed visting your web page. It has really grown since last fall. I enjoy reading all the letters and experiences of the people that participate. I am also bi-racial having a European mother and Africa-American father. I am 39 and single and have enjoyed the life to it's fullest and really enjoy people. I do not have a white appearance or black appearance which have left some people guessing as to what my race actually is. I have come to accept my identity years ago and feel no confusion or pull as to which "side" I really belong. I am very content with my bi-racial nature. However, my most turbulent years were adjusting to the American way of racism in my childhood years. America made me realize that I had a black father and white mother and this caused a crises in me as to how I would choose my own identity. This "choosing" and feeling of "I MUST choose" I resented greatly. I had let bitterness creep in my life against the Africian-American people because most of the racial problems I encountered where with them. I was a very difficult time. But with the help of God and good people that I met I overcame alot of these misfortunes and my own racial hatered. I had come to the place in my life that I realized that my bi-racial situation was a great asset and God had given me understanding and experiences that other people could not relate to culturally and socially. I realize the uniqueness of my being and my value to myself and others. I am "OK" with my Africian-American friends and white friends. I am grateful that I can relate to the Africian-American and European experience and I wouldn't trade that for the world. The people that choose remain racists do so at their own will and ignorance. I may always be a threat to them and may not be able change their veiwpoint but I am able to change mine and continuing growing as a person. --

Eleonore Dennis

Name: Gary Alexander, ganyc@sprynet.com
Subject: Response to Pamela Noah's April 7 Letter Below
Date: 15 Apr 1997

I wanted to respond specifically to the letter posted by Pamela Noah. I can understand the anger that fills this letter. I can also appreciate the circumstances which give rise to the vehemence and tone expressed in her letter. There have been many, many instances in my life where I have been treated less than kindly (putting it mildly) by some black people because of my appearance. However, I'm not so sure that it was about jealousy. I usually felt that it had more to do with the anger and hatred some black people had towards whites, and their tendency to include me in that anger. I think that sometimes I just provided a convenient target.

I agree that we need to be proud of who and what we are, but I don't think that this has to be done at the risk of alienating those around us whose minds may still be open to new possibilities. To assume, for example, that all blacks would prefer to look like us is ludicrous. To further state that black men would prefer to be with "white or other-raced women" is absurd and assumes that there is somehow something inferior about black women. This is so wrong that it's hard to know where to begin in refuting it. I think that we need to be careful that we don't allow anger to affect our thinking to the extent that we find ourselves walking the same racist path as those about whom we complain.

Name: David Douglas, ddouglas@remc7.k12.mi.us
Subject: Response to Discussion Topic "Our children's racial identity"
Date: 10 Apr 1997

American society makes too much of racial identity. We think in terms of race. Our feelings are influenced by the perception of race. Our social lives are frequently organized around racial identity groups--that includes where we live worship and have fun. All of this is a form of racism.

Racial identity--as opposed to ethinic identity--is a myth which enslaves us all, and must be abolished. We must raise our children with a clear sense of their human identity, with less emphasis on their ethnic identity, and no emphasis on their racial identity. Racial identities must be explained as oppressive lables which only serve to divide the family of humankind.

(Moderator's Note: A person who wishes to talk ABOUT a discussion topic can do so in the Letters To The Group section of our web site. Responses to discussion topics according to one's personal experiences will be posted on the discussion topic page.)

Name: Diana Zora Leskovac, dianaz@erols.com
Date: 4/8/97
Subject: Photography project on interracial couples and families

As a young photojournalist, I shoot pictures stories as social commentary. In the past few years I have just begun to receive recognition for my work, and I am currently participating in a group exhibition at the Emerson Gallery of the McLean, VA until 5/3/97.

I have recently begun a personal long term project on interracial couples and families. Photography has the unique ability, more than any other graphic or literary art, to present realistic information and moral concepts in an immediate and easily absorbable form. As a rift continues to develop between black and white people today, I intend to photograph men and women in interracial relationships to symbolize racial unity. Throughout history, marriage has helped in forming and maintaining peaceful alliances among different social groups.

I want to take a series of pictures of a variety of people: newlyweds, young families, multiple generations, middle aged and elderly couples, same-sex couples, etc. I take only B/W unposed pictures. While I photograph, I am as unobtrusive as possible seeking to capture people in their natural manner: reading children's stories, mealtime, relaxing, extra-curricular activities, etc. I would greatly appreciate assistance in finding people willing to be photographed for this project. I would like the end result of my pictures to be an exhibition, and/or perhaps some sort of publication. I live in Silver Spring, MD, and am willing to travel in order to photograph. Regional differences enhance the project. In the summer I may begin traveling outside my area to take pictures. I will be spending at least a year on this project.

Sincerely,

Diana Zora Leskovac

Name: Pamela Noah, Melani23@aol.co
Subject: Response to Discussion Topic "Lucky not to look Black"
Date: 07 Apr 1997

First, Let me say that : 1) everyone should be proud to be who and what they nare, whether its Black, White or in-between like me. 2) Mixed race (regardless of the source is the most beautiful "race"), 3) DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT APOLOGIZE to anyone -especiallly JEAlous Black People - about they way you look. Whites and Blacks both WISHED they looked liked us! 4) For those who "look white" - a oxymoron if there ever was one...because you people ARE (part) White and its only this Racist country keeping you from being considered such (i.e. S. America, look white = white; look black = Black - NO QUESTIONS ASKED! 5) Never fear, WE are to be the NEW MAJORity in about 50 years because if the Whites do not start accepting their "ex-white slaves" - their race is doomed! 6) I for one donot want to look like Greda-Gumbo or Kunka -Kente - BE Glad you DON"T! 7) Females ESPEcially - Stop letting JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS, ENVIOUS, dark & ignorant (& not LOVELY) Black Women who know that most any Black man would take a White or Other-raced woman before them [if he were honest(i.e. Quincy Jones, etc.)] - these JEALOUS females let you be ashmed of how you look. 8) Be proud of your choice and choose the RACE your most comfortable with - GO BLACK or GO WHITE - and then live with that choice. I have many 1/2 White and 1/2 Oriental friends and most of them who look white, choose white and NEVer look back. 9) MOVE! 10) This too shall pass - Make your choice and don't let others dictate who and what you are! I know many "white" people who claim "White" and yet have "Black" ancestry. No one calls them on it because they have choosen white or ARE White and do not display this: "Tragic Mulatto Syndrome" like those of you who are worrying about your "WHITE" apperance. Honey, if it looks like a DUCK, Quacks like a DUCK - ITS A DUCK! 11)NEWSFLASH: Blacks will never accept you because you look white. REALIZE THIS! Or if they do "accept" you it is only done to keep you DOWN and IN YOUR PLACE! DONT LET THEM TREAT YOU BAD or take their hatred for Whites (your people too you know) OUT on YOU. You'll never belong - so go! 12) BE PROUD of yourself and ALL of your heritage. WE known from whence we came! NO MORE EXCUSES!

Name: Mark Little, littlmw4@wfu.edu
Subject: Need Help
Date: 06 Apr 1997

Please, all members of this organization, I need your help. I am losing the most wonderful person in my life due to the inability to cope with our interracial relationship. I'm sending the following message to other organizations like yourself. Please post this at other discussion groups and ask them to spread the word. Here is the message: I need your help. My name is Mark Little and I go to Wake Forest University. I have been engaged to a girl named Deena for a year and a half. She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Deena has broken off our engagement and I am in terrible shape. She did it because she says she isn't strong enough to fight the culture conflicts (she is Indian) in her family and otherwise. She stills loves me more than ever I assure you. She is just breaking it off because she doesn't want to hurt me. Please Please help me. I love her more than anything in the world and I know that for sure. That's why I'm about to do something that has never before been tried to my knowledge. Please hear me out and be open minded. I am going to send emails to TV and radio stations all over the US about my problem and ask people to write me back in support (hopefully) of Deena and I and to show her that the world is not out to get us. I'm also sending emails to interracial organizations, my family, and my friends. If you would like to help, write me or call me at (910)759-6469. What I'm going to do is ask everyone that responses to send a letter or email to me or Deena on May 7th (exactly one month from now). Hopefully, there will be an overwhelming amount of responses that may help Deena in her time of confusion. Please support me in this. Your opinion is very important to me. I can't lose her and I'm not going to let society take her away. Thank you for listening.

Mark Little

PS Send this letter to all your friends and relatives and anybody you know going through the same problem. Also send the letter to any tv, radio, newspaper, or any other people you know that can help.

Name: Linda Mur, lymur@aol.com
Subject: Participation requested
Date: 01 Apr 1997

I'm working on a doctoral dissertation on coping processes and racial identity among young adults, ages 20-29, who have a black and a white parent. If you or anyone you know can spare me 20 minutes to complete a mailed survey, you have my assurance that the information will remain confidential and no individual responses will be recorded.

My interest comes from my own interracial marriage of 10+ yrs and our child not to mention an extended family with members from Africa, India and Europe. I can be reached toll free at 888-976-7574 (ET) or by e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely, Linda Mur

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