Adult Letters

April through June, 1998

My Shoes is a forum where we can meet other multiracial individuals with a white appearance and express our thoughts and feelings.

This page allows members and non-members to ask questions or comment on anything they wish related to the mission of the support group. Help the support group grow by talking to group members, by contributing to discussion topics, by sending your personal story, and by posting announcements on the bulletin board. Join us!

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Letters:.

Name: Darren Rose, Darren.Rose@gmg.co.uk

Subject: UK Television Documentary URGENTLY needs your help

Date: June 30, 1998

London Weekend Television are currently in production with a look at multi-racial families who have one black twin and one white twin. We will reveal how the twins colour has affected their life, and the way that other people look at them.

What difference does skin color make? Were the Twins treated differently despite sharing the same circumstances?

The chances of parents conceiving twins with different skin colors is put at millions to one - but - it does happen and within this documentary we will reveal attitudes to race and color in society.

Please get in touch at your earliest convienence so we can talk about how you may help us with this programme. E-mail me with your phone number and I will call you back.

Many thanks for all your help and thank you for your urgency in dealing with this.

Best wishes

Darren Rose, Researcher

Name: Dale, penny2@erols.com
Subject: bi-racial marriage,  having children
Date: 6/30/98

I am half of a bi-racial marriage of two years and we are considering having children - I was hoping to find some advice on the issues around bringing such a child into the world. Do you have addresses and/or material that might help my wife and I discuss the issues in a sensible and informed way? I appreciate any advice and/or information that you can give me. My wife is Korean American and I am English. I viewed your website with interest hope to hear from you.

Name: Monique, email address not given
Subject: Response to Discussion Topic - " Lucky not to look Black ............"
Date: 6/27/98

When I look at the title " lucky not to look Black..... ? " I t just makes me wonder just what do Black peole are suppose to look like. We have different shades of colors , various facial features , hair types and hair colors ( partly due to our ancestors ). Looking at " Lucky not to be Black......" title also makes me think about two cousins of mine. One female cousin , age 20 has straight and long( with a natural platinmum Blond streak in her hair ) and light-brown-skinned. She is the product of a fair skinned African-American father ( he is not bi-racial ) and a dark-skinned African-American mother ( also not bi-racial . With her brown skin , one would expect for her to have no problems------WRONG. Although she is not Bi-racial, she has been called " White this and White that.... " and people constantly ask her is her father is White because of her appearance. Another cousin of mine , age 27 was born with Blue eyes , Blondish hair and very fair skin. She too, has a dark skinned Black mother and a light brown skinned Black father. Like " Cousin 1 " she has been called such names as " Oreo " or " Whitey " because of her appearance. People may question their parents but trust me DNA concluded that they are the parents of the girls. Every Black person do not have kinky hair or dark skin, depending on their ancestory , they can look like they are Black, White, Asian , Indian etc...Just look at singer/actress Vanessa Williams . Does she look " Black " to you ? ( both her parents are Black ]

Name: Dagmar Charlton, dagmarcharlton@gmg.co.uk
Subject: mixed race twins
Date: 6/22/98

I am a british producer making a television documentary for the ITV network. The documentary will explore the experiences of twins where one is significantly darker skinned than the other. THere are ten pairs of twins who are taking part in the programme, all of whom are keen to talk to others with similar experiences. Can anyone help? Does anyone know of any such twins in the US? We would be very grateful for any help. Thank you.

Name: Henry, hnorc@aol.com
Subject: Get over it
Date: 6/18/98

In response to Shannan's June 3rd letter telling those of us who embrace a multi-racial background to "Get over it", it saddens and angers me that she has bought into the myth that all she is, is a Nigger. Well, maybe she feels comfortable embracing the slave mentality that afflicts so many, but I do not. Many of those who I have spoken with through "My Shoes", have shown themselves to be everything racists and other ignorant people are afraid of, that is strong, well educated, determined individuals who proudly embrace all aspects of their background. Although I identify myself as African-American, I can easily accept that I have other cultures in my background (That is unless someone knowns of an African tribe whose members have Hazel eyes and light skin) Shannon, place your self-hatred and anger aside for the moment and read the words Morgan Freeman spoke in the movie "Glory"; "If anyone is a nigger it's you, and if you don't watch out that's all you'll ever be." As for me, I am a Man. Do you know who you are?

Name: Jon Kingsbury, Bondadoso@aol.com
Subject: research help
Date: 6/16/98

I am a doctoral candidate working on my dissertation in multicultural education. My study focuses on the racial identity development of biracial elementary teachers and its effects on their teaching practices and racism prevention. I am located in San Diego and am looking for possible participants within the San Diego and Los Angeles areas. If you are interested, or know of someone who might be interested, please contact me for additional information. All contacts are held in strictest confidence.

Name: terr, ds1236
Subject: help
Date: 6/13/98

I'm a white woman married to a wonderful black man and would like to corrspond with other people and see if their familes accept their loves or not. thank you.

(Moderators Note: I believe that your email address is incomplete. Please check it and send a reply to jbrooks@myshoes.com.)

Name: Dr. Juanita Brooks, jbrooks@myshoes.com

Subject: Fluid Identity Presentation (You Can Participate)

Date: June 12, 1998

During the Colorlines Conference to be held at Roosevelt University in Chicago, September 25-26, 1998, I will be speaking about "Fluid Identity." As part of the presentation I would like to show slides of multiracial individuals. I will make these slides from photographs that are sent to me but can not return them due to the need to write on them. I plan to use 10-20 photos in this and future presentations on the topic. I need the photos no later than July 31.

More specific directions about this request are posted on the My Shoes Bulletin Board - Special Events. Please join me in helping to raise the conciousness of the public about the need to give up their pre-judgements.

You can find out more information about the Colorlines Conference at http://www.roosevelt.edu/colorlines

Name: Dr. Donna Talbot, talbot@wmich.edu

Subject: research help

Date: June 11, 1998

Dear Colleagues, I desperately need your help. I am atempting to launch a research project with one of my graduate students but have been having a difficult time finding participants (especially here in the midwest). We are loking at bicultural identity development; the challenge is that we want college students (juniors, seniors, and grad students) who have parents who are both ethnic minorities (no White parent) and are NOT bicultural themselves [e.g. an Asian parent and an Hispanic/Latino parent but NOT a Chinese American parent and a Japanese parent].

Please share and/or post the following:

ATTENTION Juniors, Seniors, and Graduate Students:

We are conducting a study on cultural identity development--specifically, on biracial development. Historically, the research has focused on bicultural individuals who have one "minority" parent (person of color) and one "majority" parent (White). We are interested in focusing on the experiences of individuals who have two minority parents of different ethnic backgrounds.

If you are biracial, your participation is greatly needed to advance the knowledge about biracial individuals' identity and experiences.

If you think you might be interested in participating in this study, please contact either Dr. Donna Talbot (616-387-5122 or talbot@wmich.edu) or Ms. Gabrielle Bodley (97Bodley@wmich.edu) for further information. Thank you.

Name: John, withheld upon request
Subject: Response to Shannan's "Your Black, Accept It!" Message
Date: 6/9/98

I guess Shannan's June 3 message distills as effectively as anything the paradoxical nature of African-Americans' existence here in the USA. In the name of "black pride", so many of us willingly and enthusiastically embrace a racist, ipso facto subhuman definition of self ("nigger" and all of its characteristics) imposed on us by slavemasters.

I do not call that pride. I call that surrender. Why should we allow those who despise us define who we are? But, to each their own, I guess....

(Moderator's Note: Refer to next letter.)

Name: Shannan, email not given
Subject: Your Black, Accept It!!!!!
Date: 6/3/98

I am a multi-racial person in a sense. My mother is 1/2 Native American, 1/4 black, and 1/4 white. My father is black. I look like a Black woman with medium brown skin and slight Native American features. I grew up in a Black environment and even though my mother is only 1/4 black and looks very much like a hispanic, she has always claimed to be black. I think she , along with all her sisters, married dark-skinned black men so that their children would not have that "mexican look". I can appreciate the fact that some multi-racial people feel insulted by being referred to as black, but get over it! You are what you are and under that yellow skin, all this country sees is another nigger.

So we're mixed.........Who isn't??????????????

Name: Theo Martin, martint@huachuca-emh1.army.mil
Subject: Looking for References
Date: 6/2/98

I am a mother of two boys ages one and three. Their father is black, and I am white. I am currently in a sociology class and my topic is Raising Bi-racial children. Would apprieciate your stories, comments, and books you could recommend.

I was not aware that there was a Web site of this nature. As my children grow I will truely encourage their participation in this wonderful page.

Name: John, email address witheld by request

Subject: Your biracial child

Date: June 01. 1998

(Response to 5/26/98 Letter entry "My biracial child" )

Dear Ms. Pitzer:

I read with interest - and more than a little empathy - your May 26 post about your daughter on My Shoes web site. You said she cried about one of her friends saying she was black.

As a "triracial" person myself (white father, black/Indian mother), I know what you mean, and so do most other people like us - no matter how "white-looking" we are. This may sound simplistic, but the only real solution is for you to make sure that, for her, being "black" is nothing to cry about, but rather, something that is normal and good. Might I suggest African and African-American art, music, folk tales, chidren's stories and (when she gets a little older) history? This would be in addition to the more "traditional" (European-)American lore. In other words, celebration of her African ancestry along with her European ancestry.

It is really amazing (not to mention tragic) how early in life we are inculcated with the centuries-old (European) notion that black=bad or evil and white=pure and good. It is also interesting how in some parts of the world, these equations do not hold up. In Korea, for example (and elsewhere in Asia, I think), white is the color of death; people often wear white at funerals.

Anyway, this is my take. I hope it helps.

Name: theresa sullivan, SULLIVAN.THERESA@epamail.epa.gov
Subject: althea allen
Date: 6/1/98

i've been trying to get (back) in contact with althea allen. i met her at OSU a few years ago, but lost touch with her. i am also a (biracial)woman who looks white and she was the first person i ever connected with who embraced her full heritage. i would like to get in touch with althea again, and i'm hoping that you wouldn't mind passing along this message or giving her my email address (if she wants it, of course). thank you i also wanted to communicate how happy (and stunned, i must admit) i was to find your site in the first place. i was on the verge of crying when the page came up... it's so good to know that there are other people out in the world that are like us (that acknowledge it in a positive way). i look forward to seeing this site grow and develop. thank you so much. theresa.

Name: Andrea Pitzer, Howyabe@aol.com
Subject: My biracial daughter
Date: 5/26/98

I have a four year old daughter who is biracial (white-black). She came crying to me yesterday saying that one of her friends said she was black. Any advice on how I can best answer her questions would be most appreciated. I knew I would deal with this one day but I had hoped she would be a little older and could understand better. Also some background info - her father (black) and I are not together, although he does send her cards and me child support. I have married a wonderful white man who treats her as his own and we have his 12 year old daughter and our one year old son living with us. We all want to do our best to see that this wonderful child grows up proud of herself and not ashamed of her mixed heritage.

Name: Largo, Largo1@mailcity.com
Subject: Flashbacks!
Date: 5/23/98

I sometimes have flashbacks! Wondering where some of my classmates and childhood friends have gone. Well! Now there's a place you can go and it's absolutely FREE. A new, nonprofit web site just started up at:

http://www.angelfire.com/wv/whereabouts/index.html

It'll be fun and it won't cost you a cent. Whatcha gotta lose!

Hope to be seeing you soon!

Name: Dylan, email address not given
Subject: "Escaping Our Blackness" Discussion Topic
Date: 5/22/98

(Response to Raza's March 17, 1998 discussion topic submission.)

I had what sounds like a similar friendship with someone for 4 years. When I was 18 I moved from London to Edinburgh. I met and became very close to an African woman who was born in Ethiopia and had been adopted by a white woman and brought up in rural Scotland. My father was Sri Lankan (Sinhalese) and my mother is Irish/Italian-Swiss. There aren't many black people in Edinburgh (in Scotland the word "black" is often used to mean "non-white" - please bear with me if this isn't how you use the word). In fact we only personally knew about 4 or 5 other black people in the whole of the city. Coming from London, I wasn't used to this at all. It was partly this (as well as the fact that she's bisexual and I'm gay) that meant we got to be really close friends very quickly. (I suppose it's quite different here than in the US, but most of the non-white people I know describe themselves as black politically - even though they might call themselves Asian/Afro-Caribbean/Mixed/whatever as well. I call myself black politically and mixed race genetically & culturally. Seeing as the political situation in the US is so different I wouldn't be surprised if this sounded a little strange to Americans.) Me & her often supported each other when we experienced racism & queerphobia - only she seemed to understand the particular combination of issues and emotions it tapped into and vice versa. I suppose it became "us against the world" for a while - there were plenty of other gay/lesbian/bisexual people who I shared my queer culture with but she was my only real link to my black culture. A couple of years ago I started seeing a white man - we're now living together - and she had quite a few problems with it. Although we had both had relationships with white people in the time we knew each other this one was more serious than the others. It ended up that she and my partner had an enormous row in front of me - including her calling him "white trash" - and I didn't really know where to turn. I couldn't accept the fact that she had behaved that way to my partner, but was reluctant to shut her out because we'd been through so much together. It was over a period of weeks that I realised she had no regrets for holding her opinions and finally I told her that I couldn't count her as a friend any more. I still feel let down by her - she did accuse me of trying to be white and all the rest of it. It seemed that no matter how much understanding we had given each other in the past, at the end of the day she found it impossible not to judge me for being half white. Since then I have to say I'm not as isolated from black culture as I feared - I've actually made more black friends who don't have issues with my ethnicity or my interracial relationship - friendships I probably wouldn't have made if I hadn't ended that friendship with her. If you haven't already decided what to do, I'm not saying "end the friendship" just because it worked for me - but that the fears you have about losing your access to black culture might be exaggerated. Also, I know I'm glad now that my only access to black culture isn't someone who has a problem (hidden or otherwise) with the beautiful and diverse ethnicity I'm so proud to call my own.

Name: Rebecca DiBenedetto, derocco@leonardo.fi.it
Subject: racial identity for our children
Date: 5/21/98

I have kind of a unique situation and am looking for suggestions and things to consider . My husband and I are both white and we live in Florence Italy. He is Italian and I'm American. We are adopting a baby from Russia whose heritage is Russian and African(we don't know which african country her birth mother comes from). I don't want our daughter to lose her African heritage and I want to help her to be proud of who she is in a culture where she will definately be unique. The black community is very small here and, while I had multi-racial friends in the States, here our friends are mainly white. So I worry about the lack of role models and real culture for her. It is easy for me to read about Afro-American culture and for me to become informed about problems that people face but I am afraid that this won't expose her enough. Thanks for any suggestions or comments. Rebecca

Name: Riana,

Subject: Thanks

Date: 5/17/98

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU MAKING THIS WEB SITE. WHEN I FRST SAW YOUR PICTURE ON THE HOMEPAGE, I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT AT FIRST I WAS DISSAPOINTED CAUSE I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE JUST AN ALL WHITE WOMAN, UNTIL I SCROLLED DOWN FURTHER. DISCOVERING THIS WEB SITE I KNOW WILL CHANGE MY LIFE. 

Name: terry, dsiler@infoave.net
Subject: interacial marriage
Date: 5/13/98

I would like to communicate with someone in an interacial marriage. I recently married (4 months ) a black man, I'm white and grew up in a white area and moved moved to an all black neighborhood. thanks

Name: Robert Webber, rjwebber@is2.dal.ca
Subject: Gay and Lesbian multiracial Americans
Date: 5/12/98

I am finishing off a doctoral thesis which look at the relationship between the law and political identity. As my case study, I looked at the demand by multiracial Americans for inclusion on the next census. For me this raised the question of what must be excluded or left unthought in this multiracial identity for it to be recognised by the law. Given current US sodomy laws, this raised the question of gay and lesbian multiracial Americans. They appear to represent an ambivalent margin within multiracial identity insofar as we look at this as a political identity which seeks equal protection under the terms of the Fourteenth Amendment. I have not posed this as a question, but I would like to do so and invite gay and lesbian multiracial Americans to respond with their thoughts. My background is in critical political philosophy and I would like to try to make the response to this research request the basis of my post-doctoral work. I will of course provide absolute confidentiality.

Name: Kelly Lawson, Jazzy711@aol.com
Subject: Parenting Biracial Children/ Transraical Adopation. The affects of growing up in a white world being black.
Date: 5/10/98

HI I need help! I can not find information with this topic in my home town! And no help can be found. I am in a program call "Black Feminist Thought", and I am writing a paper on how to parent a biracial child in todays world. I am a white woman with a black daughter who has no ties to her black fathers side. I need help from older Biracial children, with info. And maybe to do an interview! Thanks for anyones time concerning this matter! Kelly Lawson

Name: Anne-Marie, shadesofjoy@erols.com
Subject: Mixed race, mixed culture, mixed class
Date: 5/5/98

My mother was Creole from New Orleans, my father Puerto Rican. My brother considers himself white (he does not look it!) and it seems that our appearance and ethnicity has been at the heart of many family issues over the years.

My parents were clearly working class; I am the only person in my family to receive a college education. I teach am am the chair person of a small junior college in NYC. My education has further distanced me from my family who seems eager to be the type of white people that appear on the Jerry Springer show.

Twenty four years ago I moved to New York to escape the sharp racial lines of of Detroit. Over the years, New York has also moved into that sharp, bitterand confining definition of race.

I am some part Choctaw; some part African American, and puertorican and why should I have to choose to fill out a form. Maybe all of us should check Native American in census 2000; the NAs are largely ignored unless they live in a state with a reservation.

Name: Matthew Kelley, mkelley@wesleyan.edu
Subject: new magazine for mixed race individuals
Date: 4/25/98

Who speaks for you? Who speaks for us? Encourage awareness for America's growing mixed-race population!

A new magazine addressing the mixed race experience is under development. Currently, the staff is made up of college students from across the U.S. The magazine is primarily geared towards creating a pan collegiate resource for mixed race/multiracial individuals and organizations on college campuses. We would like to encourage anyone to inquire about obtaining copies for their organization, or contributing their talents to the magazine, regardless of age. The magazine's premier issue includes political analysis, historical background, poetry, and photography among other topics. An articulate vocie for our country's mixed race population is a necessity. We have a unique perspective and voice that needs to be heard. We need a voice that unites us while it informs the rest of America.

Please e-mail me at the address below for additional information regarding possible subscription, questions, or if you would like to contribute. A reply does not require any obligation! We only want to get a mailing list of interested individuals and organizations. Second, please include an e-mail and street address where you can be reached over the summer. Finally, also include the e-mail address(es) of anyone else who may be interested in information or forward this message. If you would like to be considered for a writing position, please submit a sample of your writing. As of right now, forwarding this message to other interested people is the most important action you can take.

Mailings will most likely occur during the Fall of 1998. Thank you, and remember, we need a voice to represent us!

-Matthew Kelley, Wesleyan University

(Moderator's Note: To email press address next to name above.)

Box 4631 222 Church St Middletown, CT 06459-4631 (860) 685.4376

Name: Juanita Brooks,jbrooks@myshoes.com

Date: 4/24/98

Subject: Marion Williams

Marion, I have posted your personal story but your email address was incomplete. I would appreciate it if you would give to me an email address where you can be contacted. If you would prefer that the address be withheld fom the public, I will honor that request. To reach me click your mouse on my email address above (not my name).

Name: mccarther, mccarther@flash.net
Subject: Bi-racial identities
Date: 4/21/98

I am so glad to see people having this discussion. I have a 15 month old bi-racial daughter (fathers black and I'm white). She appears bi-racial, having tan skin and white features. I am a therapist and worked with troubled teens everyday. Before deciding to have a bi-racial child, I did a lot of research on the latest articles about the identities of bi-racial children. Because of my work, I am more sensitive to emotional issues that young people experience than is probably typical. All of the research I read suggested that in order for a br-racial child to develop a healthy identity/sense of self, they should learn to love and respect both heritages. I plan to classify my daughter as bi-racial. I am strongly for adding other catagories if we must have catagories. Until then I guess I will have to pick other. When she is old enough to decide, her father and I will teach her to decide for herself what she wishes to be classified as. I hope that the upbringing she will recieve from her father and myself will teach her to be proud of both and therefore, classify herself as bi-racial. However, it will be her choice, and we will support her decision. I'd love to hear from anyone who has suggestions for good web sites on this subject.

Food for thought: in labor and delivery when we had to fill out the census sheet it did not have a place for race. I explained my desire to have Amecia classified as bi-racial. I was told that babies are automatically classified as the same race as their mother. This shocked me. In my experience, bi-racial children of black/white orgin are usually classified as black.

Name: Jennifer Arrington, email address not given
Subject: Proud To Be Bi-racial
Date: 4/8/98

I am proudly bi-racial, but if you were to look at me you most likely would not immediately recognize my pride. I appear to be a light-skinned Black/African-American female. Never in my life have I been mistaken as soley white. When I step out into the world every single solitary day of my life, the world sees me as Black, despite my mixed heritage claims. I am bi-racial, multiethnic, mulatto. I am not BLACK! I am not WHITE! I AM a beautiful combination of BOTH! Why must I step out into the world every day prepared to explain myself to every one else? My race is supposidly one of the most obvious signs of racial harmony, yet I encounter "double discrimination", from two races, both of which make up who I am. Ironic? My entire existence is an irony.

Name: Monica, monicat5@aol.com
Subject: Research Paper
Date: 4/5/98

Hi! I am a biracial female. My mother is Chinese and my father is African American. As a child, I was constantly criticized and teased by my peers. As a result, I experienced low self-esteem. I am almost 32 years old and I currently attend UC Berkeley. I am a social welfare major and am in the process of working on a research paper. My topic is African Americans from interracial relationships and self-esteem. I would like to hear from anyone with an interracial background (must include African American) to contact me regarding any positive or negative issues you may have experienced growing up biracial.

Thank you for any assistance you can provide.

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