Adult Discussion Topic

What are your experiences in the workplace as a multiracial person with a white appearance?

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I have been an "official" member of My Shoes since April of this year and have not commented on many of the topics. Today I was checking in on the site, as I do from time to time, and wanted to share something that happened at work the other day. First of all, I am a 27 year old multi-racial woman and very proud of being so. my mother is German, American Idian, Irish and French Canadian. My father is black and American Indian. Anyway, the other day, I was in the ladies room at work washing my hands and checking my makeup (as it is very hot in Florida right now). I noticed a black woman a few feet down from me looking at me in the mirror as she, too, washed her hands. She suddenly began to tell me how pretty my eyes (green) were and was obviously eyeing them for authenticity. So, before she could ask, I thanked her and told her that, yes, they were real. She admitted that she was wondering, and continued to tell me how beautiful they were. So, as I'm drying my hands, she slyly asks, "What are you"? I looked at her and with all of the confidence (and some sarcasm)I had, answered, "Blite". Well, of course she was puzzled and just kind of stood there looking crazy for a second. Again, cutting her off before she could ask, I explained, "You know, black AND white - BLITE". I threw my paper towel away and left her standing there looking dumbfounded. I guess you'd have had to be there because, to me, it was funny as hell. I wished I could have gotten her expression on film!!! Now, I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets asked, "What are you?", but it really makes me angry when people ask me such a stupid question. Not because I'm ashamed of what I am, but more so because I feel that first of all, it shouldn't matter what race(s) I am, and second, what kind of ignorant question is that to ask? At one point, I would actually waste my time explaining to people and "breaking it down" for them and answering the 50 million questions fired at me about growing up being multi-racial, but no longer entertain people by seriously answering. It's none of their business. To me, it's a personal question. I don't ask others personal questions (how much money do you have in your savings account?), so what makes others think it's okay to ask me one?

I am a 35 year old female of mixed race. My mother is white and my father is black. I too, have had many experiences in the workplace and they all seem to be the same. First, there is the whispering. Is she Black? Yeah, she's light skinned but she "talks" like us, but look at that hair and those blue eyes. She must be a "wannabe". Yeah, she's black, just light. I get it all the time, and the white people don't know what to do with me. I'm too "black" for their tastes and I make them uncomfortable. But to be perfectly honest, it's easier for me to be black. History has shown us that the black community accepts "mulattos" much easier. We were throwaways for hundreds of years. The white man's secret. Living in the south makes things even harder for me. My black co-workers once they are comfortable with me have many questions. How did my parents get along? Why did they get divorced? How were you raised? Did you mostly date whites or blacks? The questions are endless. I get so tired of being investigated like my life is an open book. It is not, I am still entitled to some privacy even though there is so much curiousity about "us." So now, when people just ask me if I have white blood, I skirt the issue. It opens me up to too many questions. I feel like I go to work to earn a living not to educate the masses on what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place. My mother is angry with me, she feels as if I am denying her. But life is easier for me to just be black. I am uneasy with my decision and I don't feel it has been a correct one. But, I don't think that my co-workers (I work in an office in corporate America) are ready for the truth either. I am working up to the point where I can stand tall and say that I am "multi-cultural" but I am still not confident at this point to do it. All my close friends at work know the truth and have even met my mother. They have not betrayed my confidence but I don't want my life to become harder than it already has been. They all know how I feel and I have told them all of the above and they understand. I get the same prejudices at work as the blacks, so I am "one of them." I am also married to a black man and we have 4 children so I "must be black." Life as a child was not easy, and I do have some control over my life as an adult. Please give me feedback, as it would be very welcomed.

I have learned to use my looks to educate ignorant individuals in the workplace. I recently left a law firm at which I worked for well over a year before the Senior Partner knew I was black. I did not try to pass or hide my culture,I just acted myself. I have encountered situations such as this several times throughout my career. I know use them as an opportunity to educate and inform. After an individual learns I am black (they usually approach me VERY sheepishly), I have a nice talk with them and trace the blood lines in my family. When I get to the part of how my maternal Great-great Grandmother, a Mulatoo slave from North Carolina, was repeatedly raped by her Master, they begin to understand how diverse not only blacks are, but whites as well. Many whites are unaware or unwilling to admit that they are more closely related in blood to African-American's than they realize. From that point I remind them that when they perceive African-Americans as unable to perform their job the same way as a white person, to think of the many times they thanked me for doing such a good job. That usually serves as a nice wake-up call.

I work in a setting that is mostly women and a few years ago there were some very strong racial undercurrents going on. (white vs. black). I myself, am Ameriasian but look mostly white. A black lady had said that she was sending her daughters to an all black college and the white people ask how she would feel if they said that they were sending their children to an all white college. Needless to say this caused a little uproar and I was just standing there, probably looking pretty dumb. I remember feeling so uncomfortable. The white people always seem to claim me as white and forget about my other half. I didn't know what to say until a black girl said "Sista, you ain't too white." and then everyone was looking at me. Somehow it all came down to me so I said I will send my children to the best place for their interests. My children don't have to chose a school because of race but need to for the best education. That sort of ended it but boy did I feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel that being of mixed race gives me more freedom.

I think this topic needs to be discussed because I am sure I am not the only one who has to deal with ignorant people in the work place. I have had quiet a bit of jobs in my life, and each one seems to start off the same. When I first start off, no one speaks to me. All the Black women look at me and whisper to each other, all the White women work as if they do not see me. Men, well, men can still be men. After some man who's assigned to help me out (learn the ropes), we become friends. Normally after a man has been friends with me, they seem to think of me as 'little sister' quality (I don't believe in flirting with co-workers). Here is where Black women and White women are the same..... if the guy who I've just become friends with me, seems like he's having fun working with me... if he's Black, Black women will compete for his attention. The same goes for White women too. They will do what ever they can to make sure that the man doesn't have to talk to me for too long or at least do whatever they can to let the man know the she is 'available'. They will start talking about things that they think I could not possible kow about such as "hunting' 'clubbing' or even talk about certain TV show. If I am 'up-to-date' with what's going on with Martin, Living Single or go to all the Black entertainers, then all of a sudden I'm "o.k." with the Black women. If I watch Friends, Seinfeld, or even 90210, then all of a sudden I must be o.k. with the White people. Because I was adopted into a White family, the Black people automatically assume that I prefer to be called White, and if they see my husband pick me up (who's Black) then all of a sudden, I must be okay then too. Then of course the White people, once they see my husband and still aren't sure what that makes, start confiding in me or asking me why some Black people behave a certain way. Black women are more likely to express how much they 'can't stand this White person or that White person", always throwing in the word "white", but I bet my last $2.00 that if the White people started saying "Black this and Black that" there would be hell to pay. I think Black people think that only White people can be prejudice. I feel like I am the 'buffer zone' for both races. The other day I found out that I made a girl cry because she felt like she didn't have a racist bone in her body, but yet she can't even look at a Black man and tell if he was attractive or not. Her parents raised her to not say anything bad about a Black person, but that still doesn't mean that they taught her to see everyone equal. I have, however, met Black women who were more able to admit an when they see an attractive White man. Also, when working at a cookie store in the mall, I got more Black women who came up to the counter with an attitude simply on just the way I look. Black women have been more sarcastic with me when I ask if I can help them, where they wouldn't be if a Black co-worked waited on them.

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