Adult Discussion Topic

What comments have you heard about your hair as a child and/or adult? How did/do you feel about those comments?

Responses To Discussion Topic:

I have been walking around for weeks hating my hair. I did something that I knew would be a mistake. I went to a new hair stylist. Consequently, my hair is too short. Since my Anti-Curl has been cut off, my hair is too curly. It is suumer in the city and I am sick of wearing a ponytail like Pebbles from the Flintstones. I am always getting compliments about my hair, so I feel as if I shouldn't complain; but my hair is curlier is some places than others, which means non uniformity. I highly recommend an anti-curl. It is less harsh on the hair and your natural hair blends in nicely as it grows in.

Since I am so sensitive about my hair today, I want to say that nothing makes me feel worse than when I am told that I should straighten my hair because I would look more sophisticated. I also get annoyed when someone touches my hair and says, "It is so soft". What were they expecting to feel, porcupine quills?

My hair determined my mood when I was a little girl. Today, as an adult I can still slip into self-hatred.

Thank you for letting me share my feelings.

I have a friend who is a white mother of mixed children, and I am a mixed mother of a white child. She always makes comments about her kids and my hair which is similiar but not quite the same, calling her kids hair and mine 'nappy'. I told her that none of our hair was nappy, we have mixed hair. Which can be a range of things. My hair is very curly but thin. I used white products for my hair. Her daughter's hair is a combination of mixed and african american hair. SHe uses black hair products on her hair. Her son has near white and mixed hair, if you want to break it down like that. My daughter has white,straight and wavy, blond hair. She always makes comments about how white my daughter is and how black her kids are. She makes me angry sometimes, like yesterday when she asked if I used a brush or a pick in my hair. I told her of course I use a brush. She said, a white brush or black brush. I said, a white brush. In her mind, although she has mixed kids, mixed people have black hair only, not a range, which is a lie. SHe tells me I have nappy hair, and I just don't want to admit it. I told her, I need to educate you about mixed people. I call her a sterotypical white mother of mixed children, which she is! I am proud of my heritages and my hair. I have people who are jealous of my hair, as most mixed people can understand, because I have what they call 'good' hair, which is long and I can wet and go. She not only offended me by sterotyping, but she offended her kids. Like I told her, your blood is running through those kids too, they are not just one race, they are two!!!

My hair is a living nightmare. Everyone says how beautiful it is but if they only knew. I wash it once a week, because if I washed it more it would be disastrous. After I wash it, it takes me about 45 minutes to comb it out and then it looks good for about an hour - nice, long, curly after that hour forget it - too much hair flying all over the place. People make the mistake in thinking that I have white hair because it may look white but it has a lot of the black qualities. People suggest hair spray to tame it a little but that never works. Any suggestions out there?

For all you curly heads, I know how you feel. My hair is very curly -- but I always get compliments from everyone. Growing up I ALWAYS wanted it braided like my cousins' hair, but my mother would not have it -- my hair was too "good" for that. It was mostly kept in a short curly Afro -- this was the 70s. In high school I used to straighten it with a blow-drier, but now I just live with it and let it be.

Anyway, there are a bunch of products that are made just for use curly heads to control the frizz. Right now I am a fan of Textureline Products. Bumble and Bumble leave in conditioner is a must. There is also a product line just for us called Ouidad -- you can find the stuff on-line.

Hope this helps some of you out there.

Wow! I am really happy this is a topic. My hair has always been a dilemma for me. It's really curly but not enough so that I could lock it, and not straight so that it just falls down. I have a blodish brown afro and it dosn't know what to do. My mother, being White, had no idea what to do with it. She didn't braid it or anything, just kept it short. I never knew my Black half, so I had no aunts or grandma to kkep it in check and keep the snarls away.

For several years I just shaved my head. That was a real study in human nature, that;s for sure. i was a bald woman with a nose ring when short hair was not "in" for Black or White women like it is now. I was really fascinated with how Blacks reacted to it as opposed to Whaites. The Black men on the most part didn't like it and thought I was some kind of freak. Black women loved it and always complimented me. The same, though to a lesser degree, for White women. White men looked at it as an indication of how I would be in other areas of life, as in, "She cut off all her hair, ergo, she'll probably swing from a trapeze." I really learned that men have a huge hang-up about hair. I was kind of suprised that most Black men were as turned off by it as they were, under the impression that I could be more myself with them, on the whole. But they wanted someone more processed than I was.

Up until last year I was still shaving it, and then I got bored. I'm trying to let my hair grow out but it is an endless source of frustration for me. I hate the fact that it's so in between. It's one of the things I don't like sometimes about being mixed. I really like dreadlocks but my hair can't hold them. I really love Jurnee Smollets's hair in Eve's Bayou, but it's not that long yet. That is my goal though. My more immediate goal is finding a hair salon in SF that dosn't jsut do "White" hair. I guess I'll have to go to Oakland and deal with the many stares i will get there.

My hair is curly, thick, long and dark. Sometimes I can blow dry it straight (and really look like a White girl as my husband teases). All my life the Black people that I've met have said, "OH, you got that good hair". Which is kind of funny to me, because my hair can be so wild, I mostly keep it in a pony-tail or a bun. And of course when I let it down, everyone wants to know why is that I don't keep it down. Well, to me, it's alwayws "bad"! I hear from a lot of White women how they wish they had my hair because they spend hundreds of dollars just to get curly hair, while mine is natural. One time I went horse back riding and some White people were watching me. Out of the norm for me, I had my hair down. When I finished riding, the White people came up to me and told me how beautiful I looked with my hair flying all behind me, like a jungle woman. I think they meant it as a compliment, but I didn't take it as one. From that point on, I kept my hair pulled back in a French braid. My best friend Kay, who is Black is always talking me out of cutting my hair short. She's always saying to me, "Girl, if I had hair like you, I'd be sporting some styles." I just laugh and waive her off, because if she had hair like me, she too would be wearing it up! Now my daughter has soft, fluffy, curly blonde hair. I have no idea what to do with her. My sister-law-, who is Black, braided my daughters hair one time. And I'm sorry if I sound snobbish, I'm not, it's just that the style of braids she put in Logan's hair looked so silly on her. I almost have no idea what to do with her hair except put it in pig-tails or one pony-tails. While her hair looks thick, it's still not course (for lack of a better word) to twist her hair into braids like her playmates.

I am mixed and have very curly, thin hair. It looks thicker to many people because it is so curly. My daughter has straight blond hair. I had to learn how to do her hair from a white friend of mine, who has mixed kids. SHe gave me advise on her hair. I learn everyday.

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