Greetings!

I am a thirty-year-old man living alone in the suburbs of Chicago. My father is black; my mother is white. When I was growing up, I was never made to feel any different from any other children, white or black alike. Until we moved to a better part of my hometown when I was eight. This part of town was predominantly white, and it didn't take long before the white kids made fun of me, and the black kids who were bussed into my school did likewise. This went on for years, and has left me with depression that I've been battling for years and a far more cynical view of the world. I've never had any real friends; I've never had a girlfriend. Whites tend to see me as someone who's there, but not there, if that makes any sense; I'm a pretty intelligent person, so when I rattle off knowledge or solve a problem, it's like they can't comprehend the fact that someone non-white could actually be smarter than they are ("But...but...we're the ruling class! How could this be possible?!") As for white women, well, while I've been told I'm attractive, I think that the year-round tan is something they don't want to explain to their friends or their parents. My relationship with blacks is virtually non-existent, but my interactions with black people overall hasn't been pretty. I've been criticized for "acting white" and speaking in complete sentences, among other things. Black women stay away in droves. The point is this; for the last two-thirds of my life, I've felt like an outsider, patronized by white people, despised by black people, with no one to turn to for support. I guess that's why I'm sitting here typing this. Despite being as positive as I can be, given my loneliness, the results are always the same: I end up alone. So I guess I'm looking for people that can relate to what I've been going through (God knows I haven't found any in the real world), who, while they can't solve all my problems, can at least make me feel welcomed, understood, and supported.

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