Greetings!

That is me, Jacquie, with my nephew on the left in the first photo and with my niece and sister, Gail, in the other. Gail and I are the children of a Black and Indian father and a German mother. I'm 33 years old and currently living in Austin, Texas and my sister is 32 years old and living in the Washington, DC metro area. Where do I start? Being bi-racial has been a HUGE issue for me and my sister both. I was a rebel as a child and, for that reason I think, I decided to identify as "Black" around the age of 12-13. Of course, being booted out of "White world" by my elementary school best friend with racial slurs such as "zebra" and "half breed" kind of helped the situation along. I naturally migrated towards the only folks who really accepted me and my afro at the time - Black folks. In "Black world," I was a queen. It was so reassuring to be treated this way after coming from "White world" where I was always treated like a spot on the bottom of somebody's shoe. In Black world my skin and hair were considered "good" and "beautiful". I truly NEVER thought of myself as beautiful before I got my pass into Black world. I stayed in that world for a very, very long time. I was able to attract some of the cutest black guys in my high school which was fine by me because no white guy EVER asked me out in high school. You see, it was a small town, and they all knew I was "tainted" somehow. The Black girls in high school were quite jealous, but that was of no consequence to me as I enjoyed my reign as queen on the throne. I had been an ugly spot for too long and I was relishing being queen for a day or two. I went to the big city to go to college and, after some funny stares, I made it KNOWN that I indeed identified as Black. It was rather convenient in college during the 80's to be Black - scholarships, you know. But, more importantly, I met lots of great progressive Black friends and, for the first time, I actually got asked out by a White guy during my freshman year. You see, he didn't know! By then I was not really attracted to White guys anyway and had been enjoying living in Black world with no intentions of hopping the fence. The memories of being an ugly spot were too painful to recollect.

Anyway, college ended and real life started. This is when I found it hard to continue my identity as Black. Every time I changed jobs, I got the old "what are you?" "what is your culture?" euphemisms for the race question. And each time I found it increasingly difficult to get out the "Black" part of my heritage. I knew I was getting chances that my more Black looking friends I graduated college with weren't getting, but that never stopped me from announcing it every chance I got. I just hated seeing that look on a white person's face when they heard me mumble "Black". They seemed devastated. They looked as if I had just announced that I had leprosy, like they needed to get away quickly before I contaminated them or something. I just couldn't understand what was so bad about my being half Black that didn't bother them before they asked the question. I couldn't let them make me feel that being Black was a bad or ugly thing anymore. The rebel in me had chosen to wear my Blackness as a crown. The rebel in me has always wanted to really look Black - to really face White people's hate and bigotry head on.

Changing jobs and cities has often presented me with interesting challenges. I discovered that Black folks didn't know I was Black either but, curiously enough, very few of them felt the pressing need to know my culture before befriending me. Some have even thought I was a white girl who just wanted to be Black really bad. That revelation has been really painful. I've taken some hard looks at myself in the mirror trying to see what others see, trying to figure out how to look more discernibly Black. But, at the end of the day, I had to admit to myself that I'm not really Black, I'm bi-racial. This is a category that looks like me and feels like me. I've reflected on my life in the Black community and, with every professional achievement, I feel I have stepped one step farther from Black world and one step closer to White world. I'm in technology now where there are so few Blacks and many, many whites who are very comfortable throwing the "N" word around and who, disappointingly enough for me, accept me because of the lightness (read whiteness) of my skin.

It's kind of funny now, but the zebra is my most favorite animal of all. I have begun to collect them - pictures, stuffed animals, and figurines. I think it is an incredibly beautiful creature just as it is - because it is both Black and White.

My sister, Gail, was not as rebellious as I and, to please my mother I think, she initially chose to live in White world. Her experience, however, was very different from mine. She somehow managed to attract White guys and keep her White friends during the hormonal stages of adolescence. My Black friends, however, didn't like this very much. They felt she was somehow betraying the race by hanging with the White crowd. I wanted to fit in so badly with my Black friends that I made it my mission to convert my little sister. Gail begrudgingly came to a party thrown by a Black friend, but quickly discovered the royalty status Black world bestowed upon us "light skinned, good hair" types. She began to seriously date Black guys and, well, what can I say? The conversion was successful. Gail has truly enjoyed glamour girl status in Black world and has attracted many, many good looking successful Black men. She has had her pick of the litter. I'm glad to say that she settled down with a very nice guy and had a beautiful son - that's him in the picture with me above. (The other child in the first photo is my brother's daughter whose mother is White.)

Like me, Gail has had some trouble with her rite of passage into Black world. She has invoked the extreme cruelty and jealousy of some vicious Black women and, oddly enough, I think she also inspired lots of jealousy in high-school on behalf of some of the White girls. You see, Gail was very popular - a pom-pom girl, athlete, homecoming queen and all that. I was so proud to see her pound all those girls into the ground with her talent, beauty and successes.

Gail has had the same experiences I have had in the work world - all the "culture" questions and puzzled looks, so it has been wonderful to have each other to lean on. She and I are both thrilled to have found this site and we hope to continue the dialogue with those of you with whom we share so much!

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