Gary Alexander
I think that the simplest way for me to introduce myself to this forum and tell my story is to begin by explaining why I want to join this group. I'm 47 years old, single, and live in New York City. I've recently reached a point in my life where I realize that I need to try to come to terms with the issue of racial identity. My participation in groups such as this one gives me the opportunity to speak openly and honestly about a subject that has had a major effect on my life and that I have avoided examining in detail. My hope is that by talking to others who have an understanding of the issues that bi and multiracial individuals face, I may be better able to define who I am.
I was born in Detroit, Michigan. I lived there until I was 30 years old. For me, the most readily defining aspect of life there was the racial polarity of the area. Detroit was (or is, I'm not sure about now) a city very much divided by race, mainly black and white. I lived in both worlds at different times. I was never very comfortable in either one. As I know is the case with some others in this forum, I have at times been identified as white, hispanic, middle eastern, etc. I admit that there were times that I allowed people to think whatever they wanted, especially if there were some benefit to me. I'm not proud of this, and I don't do it anymore. I think that one of the reasons that I had a problem identifying myself to people is that I wasn't sure what the right answer was. I have biracial family members on both sides of my family. My parents were not comfortable talking about it. When I was young, I was told that anyone who had black ancestors was considered black. I tried to identify myself this way, even though it didn't feel right. The reactions I got from some black people varied from outright disbelief to anger to amusement and derision. A few others had no problem with it at all. All I really wanted was to fit in somewhere and feel that I belonged to something. I finally moved to New York in part because I was attracted by the ethnic diversity of the city.
I've come to realize that the labels "black" and "white" don't really have a lot to do with who I am. These labels are inconclusive and don't tell the whole story. Ideally, I'd like to do away with labeling altogether. If any- thing, I think that I am an amalgam of all of my ancestors, whoever and what- ever they were. One of the great things about the attention that is now being given to the issue of bi and multi raciality is that it has made me realize that I have other choices, and that one of those choices is not to choose at all. I realize that we live in a world where racial identity is very important to some people, sometimes for the wrong reasons. Still, I'm tired of letting others decide who I am. Maybe by participating in this group, I can find others who understand what I mean.