Deb Brown
I have dated interculturally since age 18. I was married for 8 years and have been divorced since 1992. I am white/native american and my ex-husband is black/native american. We have a daughter, Whitney, who is now 11 years old.
Having dated and married interculturally for two decades now, I have become quite familiar with the positive and negative experiences people in my situation face. I would not trade those experiences, however, nor do I regret ever having fallen in love with and married a man of a "different" cultural background than I. If there is any regret that I feel, it is that we live in a society that is intolerant of "differences" in people; a society that does not embrace those differences . . . or diversity in general.
There are those who would say to me, "why date/marry a black man and put your children through all of the hell they are doomed to go through?" I ask, in return, "why should I allow members of society with an ill mentality dictate who I fall in love with, have children with, how I live?" I wasn't idealistic, and didn't believe that myself, my spouse, or our children would venture through life without experiencing bigotry and racism. I just maintained that my spouse and I would endure whatever was thrown our way . . . and we would raise our children with a sense of self, instilling a strength and awareness that would prepare them for what they may face. No matter who you are or what you look like in this society, there are always those who will judge you, have contempt for you, alienate you, not accept you. Because of this, there's no point in attempting to live and love according some societal expectation(s) . . . because you will never be accepted by everyone. I refuse to live for someone else.
Now, since having a child who is multicultural, I go through periods where my heart aches for her because of maltreatment by others who are ignorant, intolerant, full of hate. This treatment not only comes from whites, but blacks as well. This angers me greatly. Makes me want to lash out at the world . . . which, in essence, I sometimes do. I confront those in my everyday life who express racist/bigotted sentiment . . . and refuse to remain silent. I have addressed issues with the principal and staff at my daughter's schools, with neighbors and strangers.
Last March, after being on the internet for a few months, I developed a web site (INTERracial) devoted to interracial/intercultural and biracial/multicultural issues. The project began with a determination to lash out at the world . . . but has since evolved into a labor of love for me. I can attribute that to the overwhelming feedback that I have received from others; feedback I never anticipated. Of course, I've received my fair share of hate mail . . . but that will not deter me as the positive has definitely outweighed the negative. Some of the negative comes from people I know personally and with whom I can sense a discomfort when my site is discussed. I do not allow this to discourage me either.
People are simply going to have to come out of their mode of denial and realize that there are "issues" in this society which need to be addressed, discussed . . . brought out in the open . . . resolved to the degree(s) that it can be. The issue of "racism" seems to be one that is extremely uncomfortable for most to discuss. There is so much pain in this country (and elsewhere in the world) as a result of racism. People won't begin to heal until it is addressed. I could ramble on for days on this subject. I fear I may have already done so in this message.