Before my aunt died, she asked my eldest brother and me did we classify ourselves as " Black " or " African-American "? I thought that she asked us a very logical question. I seen to many of us claiming and boasting about the classificaton but not living up to the title. As shamed as I 'am I have not always been proud to claim my Black heritage. I was born and raised in Atlanta ( Decatur ), Georgia to Black parents, though I sometimes say multiracial because of living relatives who are Asian Indian or Scottish-Dutch American. I grew up in a multiracial community, where we experienced racial harmony in my neighborhood. As a little girl, the word " race" and " racism " first came up because of my eldest brother's confusion with his skin complexion. He was the lightest of of my parents children and understandably thought that he was White because of it. When our White friends tried to explain that he was a little Black boy, he cried in confusion. Though I knew that I was not White, I thought that I was either Asian Indian ( Ironically, I 'am part of that heritage ) or Mexican like my Mexican-American friend. They were a honey brown complexion like I was. Eventually, I knew that I was ( and still am ) Black, I still was confused. Believe it or not, I was confused about my own people. In the 1970's I remembered hearing the " Black is beautiful " theme or even " the Blacker the berry the sweeter the juice" saying, but back then such theme were a farce to me. Some of these same Black people who would pride themselves on this were also the same one who wanted their children to be lighter skinned, to have the so called " Good-Hair" and to look down on the person who was not as successful as he /she. I remembered numerous times where my colorstricken grandmother spoke about these things and she whould also show differences between her darker skinned and lighter skinned grandchildren. Her prejudice had gotten so bad that I hated being Black. I even told my mother that what would be the use of marrying a Black man ? I had the following skeptisims of Black men. 1) Though I never thought Badly of Black men by degrading themselves, they were warning other people just how bad it was to be such. 2 ) Unless I was White or a fair complexioned Black woman, there were no chance in hell that I would be worthy of one. 3 ) My family discriminated against dark skinned people so if I married a non-Black man, my children would not be " all-Black" and maybe they had a chance to be lighter. For many year , I remained very attracted to White and non-Black men. Eventually, I learned to love all colors. Recently, I went to my ten year class reunion and one of the very first people I wanted to see was a guy that I once had a crush. I remembered him as being very athletic and to be VERY VERY sexy. The one thing that I thought that I'm attracted to this Black man and he is a dark chocolate complexion. Some may say " Why did you bring up his skin tone ? " Initially, when I first encountered this guy, I did not notice his color, I just noticed a good looking guy, who happens to to dark skinned. He was voted as " Most Attractive " Back then. He is still sexy but unavailable ( Dag ! ) If he did not have an significant other, I would take him in a heartbeat ! I thought about him : The girls thought he was good looking and he is not light skinned. I began to feel good about that because they were basing his looks on his skin color. Maybe if people were more diversified in life, they will probably see that beauty comes in all walks of life. I hope that if i have children they will carry this thought with them.

Adult Personal Stories.

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